My New Life

My New Life

happyhugo

Romance/ESP

28,637 words

Copyright (c) 09/24/09

A Brattleboro, Vt Tale 

Readers score  7.29

Widower is asked to go on tour with his former
sister-in-law. He doesn't like her much, but as a
favor, does go. On the trip he discovers why his
wife never got along with her sibling. He comes
to understand the animosity that happened over an
incident when they were teenagers. They rescue
a woman for a friend of theirs who is despondent.

Chapter One

I am a man in my early sixties. I am fairly well-to-do, or at least have enough funds to do most anything I wish to.  My wife passed away one year and seven months ago. She and I had a loving and happy relationship for all of our many years of marriage. We took joy in pleasing each other. Life being what it is with death at the end, we often discussed what the remaining partner would do when the other passed on. 

This may sound a bit morbid, but we determined in our own minds that there is an afterlife. Our time on this earth is just too brief to have accomplished the closeness we had for each other. We felt we must have been together in a previous lifetime, and we planned to meet on the other side in the future. However, feeling that one of us would be alone, possibly for a long time, we made a pact to find other companionship. This after a decent period of mourning.

My life started anew with my sister-in-law. She is a little older than me by one or two years. At the passing of my wife, the whole family grieved with me. Actually the family grieved more than me, as I knew my wife and I were just parted until I joined her on the other side. Sure, I missed her more than words can say, but as far as being sad or depressed, I seemed to be spared this deep grief. However, I was lonely and found myself visiting around to various friends and relatives to keep occupied.

Benita, or Benny as my wife called her sister, called me one Thursday afternoon and asked me to fill in on a tour she had planned with a male friend of hers. I knew she had a male companion who often traveled with her. It really was quite a scandal when she first lost her husband, but times change, and it was fully accepted now. It seems as though her companion had a crisis of his own and couldn’t go on the tour. I always thought that Benny’s companion paid for their trips, but Benny claimed that she had paid for this one. She didn’t want to go alone and the money for the trip was nonrefundable, so that is why she asked me.
 
I questioned Benny about where, when, and for how long. We would be leaving Saturday a.m., and traveling to the Ozarks for a three-day music festival. Everything was included in the cost of the trip;  the meals, the motel, the bus fare and the tickets to the festival. The only thing you had to spend money on was breakfast, your personal items and any souvenirs.

I asked about accommodations and she said the rooms at the motels they stayed in had either two single beds or one double. You were always given a choice. We would be gone seven days and six nights. It sounded like fun, even though I wasn’t particularly fond of Benny. I did enjoy folk music and this was a chance to hear it live. I agreed to meet her at the bus station Saturday morning, after quizzing her on what I should pack.

We boarded the bus on time and after making sure everyone was present, we headed south. We had been the first to get on the bus and Benny looked at everyone else as they clambered on board. She said that this was the first time that she didn’t know any of the other people. Most of the passengers were couples my age or older, except for two females and four males. We used to refer to these young people as hippies. 

They had some musical instruments and wanted to get some ideas at the festival. I’d guess they were in their twenties. Benny and I were sitting on the right side of the bus where we could see the scenery. The hippies sat in the back of the bus where they could sprawl out a little. The bus driver wouldn’t allow them to bring their guitars with them into the passenger compartment, but did relent to allowing some smaller instruments.

After a bit, the motion of the bus and the drone of the highway sent me into a doze. That is until Benny nudged me in the ribs saying, “Don’t stare, but look back at the hippies.”

I turned around as unobtrusively as I could and glanced back. I hadn’t seen a sight such as met my eyes for a long time. One of the girls was sprawled out across the laps of three of the guys. Her blouse was unbuttoned and had been pulled open.  Her skirt, which dragged near the floor when she came on the bus, was bunched around her waist. She lay there with a satisfied smile on her face as one of the guys massaged her breasts. Another guy had his fingers moving slowly up and down her inner legs. They apparently were just giving her some good feelings. About this time the hippies became aware of the show they were putting on, so they pulled a blanket out of a backpack and spread it over her before continuing.

Benny said disgustedly, “Isn’t that awful, and right in front of everyone too! I should think she would be so embarrassed.”

I laughed, “How can she be embarrassed, she has her eyes closed, so maybe she doesn’t know people are looking at her.  It looks to me as if it is bothering you more than her, anyway. Why don’t you lay back in your seat and forget about it?” I then whispered, “You know I’m glad that it isn’t the girl with the red hair that is being fondled. She is just too lovely to make a public display of herself.” Benny then sat back and closed her eyes. It was cool on the bus, so I took her shawl and laid it across her knees. With slacks on, she should be quite comfortable. I sat back too and soon dozed off.

 I came awake with a start although I didn’t open my eyes. Benny had taken my hand and was holding it in hers. What in the world was she doing? She apparently did not want to wake me, so was moving slow. I still pretended I was asleep and just waited to see what she was up to. She didn’t move my hand for a bit, then she hugged it to her breast. I opened my eyes and looked at Benny. She smiled and said, “You’re right as always. What the hippies do is none of my business. Thanks for putting the shawl over me. You are always thinking of the other person. Betty was lucky to have you for a husband.”
 
The driver of the bus asked if everyone was ready for a coffee stop. We had been riding for several hours, so of course we all wanted to. Before we got back on the bus I spoke to the driver about the hippies. I had overheard them discussing their instruments and wanting to “jam” a little. He said it wouldn’t bother him, but thought it would disrupt the other passengers. I reminded him of our destination and thought it would get us ready for tomorrow’s activities. He thought a minute and then said, “Have them go for it.”

Things got pretty lively after we resumed our journey. The hippies horsed around, just showing off with some breakdown music, pickin’ and singing. Carol, not the girl who had put on the show behind us earlier, started singing some old time tunes. She had an unusually husky voice with a hillbilly twang. She knew a lot of songs made popular by the Stanley Brothers and the Louvin Brothers. She sang some by Hank Williams and Charlie Pride, ending up after an hour or so with a pair each from Alison Krause and Iris Dement. The song she said she hoped to sing in competition tomorrow was “Childhood Memories” made popular by Iris Dement. She then sang it for us, and it touched us all.

We pulled into the motel after midnight, tired, and cramped. We knew that the activities didn’t start until very late in the morning, so we could sleep in. We needed that for sure! When we got to our room, we expected two single beds. However, a note on the one double bed notified us that the single beds were needed in an annex the motel had set up because of the influx of people for the festival. They hoped it would not inconvenience any of us. I looked at Benny. She laughed and said, “I have been waiting years to get you in bed, and now I am going to.”

I said, “I don’t think so. That looks like a comfortable chair in the corner. I will flip a coin to see who gets the bed and who gets the chair. You look pretty tired. Go take a shower and we will settle this problem after I get cleaned up.”

Truth-to-tell, Benny didn’t turn me on that much. She had never been kind to either of her siblings, so I had heard my wife Betty say. We were spending three days here, so I unpacked while she was taking her shower. At least when she finished, she had covered herself with a robe and was acting very discreet. I showered, shaved and came out into the room, finding her asleep in bed. I was not about to sleep in the chair, so crawled in next to her. I was asleep almost immediately.

At five-thirty I woke up with my kidneys screaming for relief. I rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. When I returned, I found that Benny had taken my side of the bed. I nudged her, and she flopped onto her back. Her pajama top had come open, exposing her breasts. It had been quite a while since I had been this close to a woman, so I was somewhat interested in the view. Then I remembered who I was looking at and how she had treated my wife. I turned the bedside lamp off and was soon asleep again.

I was dreaming, and how! I was having the most wonderful dream. My wife was my lover, and we were doing some of the things we both enjoyed. It felt so good! Then I woke up. There was Benny hugging and kissing me and fondling my privates. That made me so mad! I yelled just as I climaxed. “Benny, you damned bitch, leave me alone.” I gave her a push out of bed and she burst into tears. I’ll admit I treated her pretty rough, but waking and finding it wasn’t my wife upset me. It was just too much! My wife, whom I had loved dearly, and then to find Benny here and not her.

“Go clean up, and stop your crying!” The disgust in my voice was pretty evident. Benny headed into the bathroom, sobbing.

I began to feel remorse at the way I had treated my sister-in-law. Her crying was really beginning to touch me. Finally I knocked on the bathroom door with a halfway apology. “Benny, why don’t you come out now so I can explain why I acted the way I did?”

Benny came out with a sheepish and downcast face. She didn’t act as if she had done anything wrong, just hurt that I had misconstrued what she thought would be a good deed. “Burt, you were mumbling Betty’s name in your sleep.  I thought you would be overjoyed at what I was doing for you. I guess I was wrong. You almost broke my arm.”

“You don’t know how much I miss Betty. It seemed that I was with her a little while in my dream. It was like old times. In the back of my mind, I began to realize that it wasn’t happening, and someone was playing a trick on me. I was angry even before I woke up. You and I have never hit it off too well, and the last thing I thought I wanted is to get intimate with you. It was definitely a surprise. I guess it was all too much, and I am sorry I hurt you.”

“Burt, I am so lonely most of the time. These last few years have been hell on me since Richard died. Maybe as the years stretch ahead of you, you will come to know how it is. I’m not unattractive, and you certainly are a handsome man. We have both lost our spouses and for me I am very lonely. I woke up in bed with you and just couldn’t resist the temptation to do what I thought would make you happy.”

I was listening to her, and a lot of what she said was true. “Let me think about this for a bit. We will talk about it more, I’m sure. For now, I’m starved.  Let’s find some breakfast.” With that I stepped towards her and to show I wasn’t upset anymore, I gave her a hug. We came here to have some fun. So far all we had experienced was a long and tiring journey. We had sex, kind of. It made neither one of us happy, so we set out for breakfast to see if we couldn’t change the outlook on our holiday.

We left our room in a hurry, anticipating a heavy, satisfying, southern meal. When we reached the outside deck that ran around the motel, I saw Carol, the red haired girl, sitting against the wall.  She was sitting on her backpack with her guitar leaning back.  She was looking pretty dejected. “Carol, what’s the matter?  Are you sick?”

“No.” No further comment.

“Where are the rest of your friends?”

“Those bastards kicked me out and took all of my money.” With this she started to cry.

 You already know that I’m a sucker for a crying woman. “Have you had anything to eat?” She shook her head no.  “Well come along with Benny and me and have breakfast.  You can tell us about it. It can’t be as bad as you say.” We went down to the little diner at the end of the motel, choosing a booth in the rear.

Nothing was said about Benny’s or my problem. She had been looking for an intimate discussion of what had transpired between us earlier. Now she was just looking disappointed and not too happy that I had invited someone else to be with us. I just can’t please her can I?

After we were served I turned to Carol and asked her what had happened. “Well, I thought things were looking up for me. The guys I came with can play pretty well. We have had some gigs, and had good reviews. I got it into my head that if I came to this festival and was heard, it might lead to more than just playing in bars and clubs. Just before we decided to come, George started hanging out with that other girl.

“I can see that she is a loser, but she puts out to all of the guys and they can’t see what she is. Anyway, we were all drinking after we got here, them more than me. I really do want to compete, so they weren’t too happy that I kept bugging them about drinking too much. Then she got on my case because I wouldn’t join in having sex with them. She said if I didn’t want sex with the guys, how about at least giving them a show with her and me performing. You probably realize that I am pretty liberal, but I draw the line at some things. Having sex with another female is where I draw the line.

“When they all ran out of beer, they wanted me to go and get more. It was late and I wouldn’t. They emptied my purse and even found my mad money. Then they told me if I didn’t want to party, to leave! I asked about the competition and I was told, ‘to hell with performing, we came here to party.’ 

“I spent the rest of the night on the motel porch where you found me. I am at a loss as to what to do now. It is a good thing I am on a tour bus so I can get back home. Breakfast is the only meal I have to buy, and you said you would take care of that today. I can survive until dinner which is included in the tour package.

“I could kill those guys. They didn’t know I had a small stage saved for us to perform on with a 20 minute time slot. There is elimination competition here, with several stages. If a performer generates enough interest, they can move to another stage and perform again. I didn’t think I had much chance of moving up with the group I had, but now I don’t have any chance at all.  Damn! My minor was in music and song writing in college. I’ve written a song I wanted to try out, but it won’t work without some good backup. It is a long poem actually recited in several dialects from different parts of this country. The group thought I would be crazy to try it.”

Carol looked tired and worn out. Benny came through with, “Why don’t you go back to our room and lie down and get some rest?  We planned on going out to look around. By the way, what time were you supposed to go on stage?”

“Ten after five this evening. I have to be there at five to sign in.”

“Well, get some rest. We’ll have lunch about two, just before the diner shuts off the noon meal. Maybe you will enjoy just watching and listening, rather than performing.” She handed her the key as we ordered a coffee refill.

“Poor kid, she’s having a rough time, isn’t she?” This was a new side of Benny I was seeing. Most of what I had ever seen of her, she always thought of herself before others. “Too bad you can’t talk to her group and get them to shape up.”

“I don’t think she would have them back. After all, they robbed her. She might not report them, or press charges, but I’m sure she won’t have anything to do with them. I think she is well rid of the whole bunch. Let’s walk around, and maybe we can think of a way to help her.”

This was a nice town. Their claim to fame was this yearly music festival. Right now it was all decked out with banners and posters touting some of the well-known country entertainers who would be appearing. They would not be in any competition, but they all showed up to view the amateurs who would. We saw a lot of stars in person just walking down main street. And then there were those hopefuls that seemed to be everywhere, set up where there was room to play. They all wanted to outdo each other, mostly by being loud. Some we stopped and listened to, and others we hurried on by.
  
When we got down to the end of the street we found a little park. A big bulletin board telling where the various stages were and listing the names of the performers and what time they were to go on, stood in the center. We crowded up to it to see where Carol’s stage was. A map showed the locations, and the number of the shuttle bus that would take you to the specific stage. 

All of the stages were set up in a little valley about a half mile from town. The stages were in the form of a wheel.  They ringed the valley so when you stood in the center you could see where they all were located. Trees had been planted as buffer zones between each stage to cut the sounds that otherwise would interfere. There was an enlarged aerial photograph showing the stages. Each stage had a  number painted on the floor and was clearly visible from the air.

We found Carol’s name and confirmed that she was to sing at ten after five. I wondered what they would do when she was a “no show.” 

When I looked at her name I saw a piece of paper stuck on the name preceding hers. A band was looking for a female vocalist (desperately). Their address was at the same motel as ours. I didn’t think Carol’s band had a reservation of their own, so it had to be a different group. I pointed this out to Benny, observing that maybe Carol could work something out with them.

We left the park and slowly walked back towards our motel. The crowds on the street had thinned out a lot. Those that were playing and singing, of course, were out in the valley. The tourists, many who had come to see the well-known stars, had gone out also. This was the day when the stage in the center wasn’t used in competition. The stars vied with each other to show off their stuff, and were free to use the center stage. Up and down main street bands were getting in a little more practice and solidifying their last minute changes.

 When we were approaching the motel, one band was practicing in an empty lot. Next to the sidewalk was a sign tacked to an empty guitar case. We read again where a vocalist was needed by four-thirty this afternoon. “Benny, I’m going to inquire about what they need and maybe Carol can fill the bill for them. That would solve their and Carol’s problem at the same time.”

I walked up to one of the players who was sitting off to one side. I squatted down and asked him how come they were looking for a singer. It seems as though their singer had broken her leg just before they packed up to come to the festival. She was in such pain that she knew she couldn’t do justice to the band, so she stayed home. Even though she was a sister to one of the members, she had wanted to quit the band for some time and she thought that by not coming, the band would look even harder to find a replacement.

I explained to him about Carol not having a band to sing with. I said I didn’t really know her, but had heard her sing. I thought she was pretty good, even though I didn’t know much about music. I enjoyed listening to it. Bluegrass had been my favorite for many years I thought I could tell what was good, or not so good.

He stood up and walked over to the rest of his band. They discussed what I had told him. I could tell from the body language that they didn’t give much credence to finding someone who would fill their needs. Time was ever so short and they had just about given up on finding a singer.  The person whom I had talked to came back and asked me where this singer was.  When they found out she was staying at the same motel as they were, and that was where she was now, they picked up their instruments and went back with Benny and me.  I said I would bring her down to their room shortly.

Benny and I woke Carol, as she was napping, and explained what we had done. Her face lighted up and she bounced off the bed and headed into the bathroom to freshen up.  I could hear Benny telling her how we had found this group, and how and why they had apparently been searching for a singer. In ten minutes I was leading her down the hall to their room.
 
I knocked on the door, saying when it opened,  “Hi, this is the singer I was telling you about.”  I stepped back and let Carol precede me.
   
From the back of the room I heard someone exclaim, “I know her!  Hi Carol.”

Carol’s face lit up. “Hi Jimmy.”

A nice looking fellow pushed his way forward to the door where Carol was still standing.  He was all smiles as he turned to the rest of his group.  “Hey guys, I think our problem is solved!  I’ve known Carol for a long time, and I know what she is all about.  She was at the university the same time as I was.  We studied music and we often jammed together.”

I broke in with, “Why don’t you all get started and see if you can work up something that you can present at the competition?”  With that, Benny and I left and headed back to our room.  On the way we discussed what had transpired, coming to the conclusion that both Carol and her new band would probably lose in the first round of the competition.  However, they would feel that they had given it their best shot, and would be happy to have performed at all.

We then took a short nap before catching the shuttle out to where the stages were set up.

When we arrived we made our way to the stage where Carol’s new friends were to perform.  A group was just finishing up, and we caught the last part of their number.  I sure hoped that Carol’s band could play better than this one, for it was almost embarrassing to listen to. We had heard Carol sing, so we knew that at least the vocal part would be better.

An MC came out onto the stage when they finished and asked for a big round of applause.  This brought forth just a smattering of clapping and a couple of muted “boos.”

He only paused for a few seconds, and then went on to announce that The Down Homers from Ohio would be performing next.  He then explained that their vocalist had never sung with them before today, so the first number would be an instrumental. This brought out some loud groans, for the audience apparently feared they would be subjected to another inferior performance. Especially because when The Down Homers got up on the stage, it took a few extra minutes to get set up and organized.
  
It didn’t take long to disabuse them of this fact.  They broke into a fast, complicated piece, with each instrument getting in their “licks.”  Hey, they were good! The audience went wild before the number was half done. Now I was worried that Carol could do justice to them when she sang.

I wondered what Carol would be doing during the instrumental.  Would she just stand over to the side, or would she participate in some way?  She participated.  As each player was about to finish his highlight at the microphone, Carol escorted the next one up and stood back doing some little steps that fully complemented the whole effect.  Of course with her figure in that teal, shimmery blouse, her tight jeans, and long red hair, she had the audience in her pocket.  She was no ‘Dolly Parton,’ but she didn’t need to be.  To me, she and the band came off as pretty damned professional.
 
When they finished, Carol introduced herself and then each member of the band and included the fact she had never sung with them before. She would be singing some of the popular bluegrass songs, using the original arrangements for the songs sung by the artist that had made them popular.

“The first song I am going to sing, ‘Talking to Your Memories, Again,’ was originally sung by Cal Smith.  If I can get through that, I’ll try something by Iris Dement.  Jimmy, let’s give it a whirl.”

And she sure did get “through” it. Carol seemed to have a voice just made for a song such as this one.   The sadness and loneliness hung around us and transported us up to that attic and touched that spot in each of us we usually reserved for remembering lost loved ones.  She had the audience in her hand now!
 
Before the crowd had a chance to react when she finished, the band went right into “Childhood Memories,” made popular by Iris Dement. One of the things that I like about a singer is how plainly they enunciate the words.  It seems that most of the new artists try to put in all kinds of tricks with their voices so you can’t understand half of the words to the songs they sing.  Maybe it is so you have to buy the rendition and play it over and over for a week to finally know what the song is about.  No problem here!  Carol could put you in the mood and paint a picture with the words.

Those in the audience who had brought blankets and cushions to sit on were on their feet before the song ended.  The MC did not have to ask for applause for this group. It was loud and sustained as the band finished up their last rendition. 

He finally had to raise his hands to quiet the crowd so he could continue.  “Folks, we have a bit of a problem here.  The band came here without a vocalist. The lady, Carol, came here with a band that has backed out on her.  This band, The Down Homers and Carol matched up somehow.  She is signed up for the next slot of the competition.  Do you feel you could listen to her new band and her through another round of competition, even if it is an unusual situation?” 

The answer was a resounding, “Yes!” 

Turning to Carol and the band he said, “Go for it.” 

He came down off the stage and walked to where the judge was sitting.  I was standing close enough to hear the argument from the judge about this group having an unfair advantage by filling two time slots.  The MC gave it right back to him by asking, “Who is signed up for the slot that just finished?”
 
The judge answered, “The Down Homers.”

“Who is signed up for the present slot?”

The judge had to answer, “Some female singer named Carol.”

The MC, then looking a little exasperated with the obtuseness of the judge, said, “And how were we to have someone on stage at this time?  Granted we will look into this to see if they pulled a fast one on us.  Even if we have to disqualify them, if they stay together, I’ll bet within two years will make the charts somewhere!  They are that good.  We are here to promote young artists and their music. I think we should take a chance, as I don’t believe this was planned.  I will find out though if they pulled a fast one.”

Me, never being hesitant to stick my nose in, stepped up and stated, “Excuse me, maybe I can help.  I rode down from New England on the same bus with Carol and her band.  Last night her band kicked her out of her room after getting drunk and taking all of her money.  This morning, my friend and I found her on the deck crying.  We took her in, fed her, listened to her story, and let her rest in our room.  While we were walking around town, we spotted a note on the bulletin board from a band wanting a vocalist.  I found them and kind of put them together.  The only coincidence was that the lead guitarist, Jimmy, and Carol, went to the same school a couple years ago.”  Then  I asked, “They sound pretty good together, don’t they?”

The MC just looked at me. “True?”

I nodded, and went back to concentrate on what was happening on stage.  And it was happening!  The audience was getting larger, attracted by the applause no doubt.  The stuff that the band was playing and singing was pretty basic, no gimmicks or anything.  A couple of well-known headliners eased into the back of the crowd, and I saw someone that looked a lot like Ricky Scaggs join them a few minutes later.

Benny squeezed my hand, looking as happy as could be, knowing maybe she was part of something happening right now.

When their stint was over, several in the audience rushed up and told them how well they had performed and how much they enjoyed listening to the music.  When the next band was announced, Carol and the band, Benny and I, drifted around watching the other artists and their performances.  When the first hunger pangs hit, I suggested we return to town and have dinner. Jimmy spoke up declaring he wasn’t hungry, but might get a hamburger later.  The rest of the band said the same, but looked like they didn’t really mean it.  I knew what Carol’s finances, or lack of, were.  She was okay, but the others were not on our tour. Benny started to say something, but I held up my hand, giving her a shake of my head.

“Are you guys a little low on funds?  If you are, let me help.  We are going to be here tonight and two more days. This little vacation hasn’t cost me anything so far.  I am here as a guest of my sister-in-law. We are both having a great time, and I am having a better time than I could have imagined.  I have plenty to pay for all the meals which will let you concentrate on your music. You are good and I want to see the best you can do.”

Jimmy, who seemed to be the leader, very solemnly shook my hand saying, “Thank you, it has been a bit of a worry.”

We returned to the motel, and the guys went to clean up a little, Benny and Carol going to our room.  I stopped at the motel desk asking what was going on in Carol’s original room. The clerk was real disgusted saying the room had just about been wrecked.  He was a little worried because Carol, who had signed for the room, had not been seen. I told him what had transpired, Carol being robbed and then being kicked out.  Now he was really nervous.  He informed me that the police had finally been called and the occupants had been removed.

I asked what condition the room was in and if it was habitable. It was, but just barely. “Could Carol return to the room for the rest of the stay?  After all she was robbed and has no place to go.” I didn’t let on that Benny and I had taken her under our wing.  He assured me that she could, and the motel would absorb the damages if she would absolve them of any fault in the robbery.  He consulted with the manager who typed up a form and said she should sign it before she would be allowed back in the room.  That was settled then.
   
I reserved a table for a party of eight at the one good restaurant the town sported.  After we were seated I assured all that they were to order anything they desired.  I was pleased that alcohol wasn’t a big priority with this group. 

While we were waiting for our dinners, we got better acquainted.  The band was from a small town in Ohio.  All had been music lovers since childhood.  Many of their parents played instruments, so music had always been a big part of their lives.  Their singer, sister to the bass player, loved to sing, but not to travel.  When the band got good enough to travel around some, it got harder and harder for her to go on and perform. 

When they decided to come here, she had a panic attack.  She looked on her broken leg as a gift from heaven.  Her brother claimed she did it on purpose, but the rest of the gang laughed at him telling him that nobody breaks a leg to get out of something they don’t want to do.  I wasn’t so sure, because looking back over my lifetime I had observed stranger happenings.

We finally got around to hearing Carol’s story.  It was pretty straightforward.  She was first a poet, loving the way of expressing a story and then realizing that the cadence was best set forth in music.  She then set out looking  for the best genre to get the story across.  She settled on folk music.  But she didn’t leave it there.  Off to the university she went to study the poets down through time, and in the meantime picked up dialects.  She then regaled us in Irish, Italian, Scottish and French. She then showed us what she could do with Cajun, Southern Hill country, New England twang, Tex-Mex, and finally the Ghetto. 

And then she said if you want to really mix things up, you add some of them together, showing us a Black from the Ghetto, talking in a clipped British accent.  She finished up with a Lawrence Welk from West Virginia. I was impressed, and the rest were too.  She was not only smart, but extraordinarily beautiful. Tall, upright carriage, shapely form and with that fair complexion that goes with red hair.

After dinner we sat around drinking coffee.  This was the first time they all had time to relax without the worries of how they would be able to go into the competition as a fully formed entity. Jimmy said he was going to roll out the first thing in the morning to check the results on the bulletin board.  They hoped they would advance to the next round of competition.  I had no doubt that they would.  They seemed to be so well received.  I related to them the conversation I had overheard between the judge and the MC. I did not tell them that I had entered into it in any way. I just said I didn’t think the judge would go against the crowd and that the MC was certainly for them.  I felt that they should plan what they were going to do in the next round.
 
That kind of broke up the party.  Carol asked if she could park with us for the night.  I said “no” and then produced the paper for her to sign.  I said I thought it was very fair from all perspectives.  The motel manager could have pushed to recover the cost of the repair, as she was the one who signed for the room.  The motel manager worried that she might hold the motel responsible, if she claimed they were not policing their guests in a proper manner.  She signed, gladly, and asked me to return it to the manager.  I said I would and would get the room key at that time.

Benny went to our room when we returned to the motel.  I stopped at the desk leaving the signed paper and picking up Carol’s room key.  I went down to the band’s room, finding Carol, Jimmy, and the rest busy planning for tomorrow. Leaving the key, I returned to our room.

I found Benny in taking a shower. When she finished, I took one too.  It was way too early to go to bed, so we just sat around discussing the day’s events.  We were more relaxed with each other than we had ever been.  As I said before, I didn’t really like Benny very much.  I always felt she was too self-centered, and could have treated Betty a whole lot better.

Sitting there thinking, and missing Betty, I began to feel a little sad.  I also felt a resentment that Benny was across the room and Betty was not here with me.  I went along with those thoughts and a little self-pity for a bit. I have had these black moods since my loss, but they get less and less frequent as time goes on. Looking at Benny, I could see she had fixed her hair like my wife had kept hers.  The family resemblance between them was striking, which made me feel all the more lonely. Then I thought, “Snap out of it, you are supposed to be here to have fun.”

“Benny, are you tired?  I am, so let’s go to bed and turn the radio on.  I’m sure we can find some country music to listen to.”

I got an “Okay.”

To our surprise, the first recording we heard was our Carol singing “Childhood Memories.” As the program continued, we found out that the judges had put the winners of today’s round of competition on the air.  When the song ended, the disk jockey gave a little excerpt about each group that had won.  He related pretty much what I had told the judge and the MC about how they had got together.  He finished up with the comments that The Down Homers and Carol were a band to watch in tomorrow’s competition.

Benny and I were excited about this, but knew it was his spiel and he said about the same thing after each band was heard. I hoped The Down Homers would come up with something good tonight and tomorrow morning to “wow” the judges when it came time for them to perform. We lay there listening, enjoying the music.  I finally realized Benny had dropped off to sleep. It seemed so natural to roll over and put my arm over her and snuggle a little closer as I went to sleep myself.

I was awake again in the middle of the night.  I woke with my arm still around Benny.  It felt pretty natural.  I got up and went to the bathroom.  When I came back, I crawled in and turned facing away from her.  In about five minutes, I felt her arm go around me.  It was a nice feeling too.  I slept again.

I heard Benny get up so I was awake when she came back.  I smiled at her, saying, “Hi.”
   
“Hi yourself.  Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.”

We lay there holding hands, kind of half in and half out of sleep, her turned towards me and me flat on my back. After a bit I turned on my side facing her.  Eyes closed, and in repose, she looked a lot like my lost wife.  Without thinking, I stretched over, gently kissing her on the lips.
 
“That was nice. Do you kiss all the women you sleep with?”  I could see that she was going to keep this on a light, humorous level.  That suited me fine, because yesterday had been a disaster.

“Only the ones I like.”  That expression surprised me, even though I was the one who uttered it. I realized I was beginning to like Benny. Then a pang of guilt hit me.  What was I thinking?  This was the person who had never got along with my wife.

There was nothing subtle about Benny.  She took my hand and put it on her breast.  I withdrew it gently saying, “Please Benny, I don’t know my own feelings anymore.  I feel as if I am being seduced and I haven’t come to grips with it yet.  I don’t want to deal with this now.”

She took my refusal with a smile and a change of subject.  “Okay, you better think about feeding me then.”

I was ready to go out before Benny, so I said, “I’m going down to see if the rest of the gang is up.  I promised I would buy them breakfast.”

I went down to the front desk and then knocked on the guys’ door.  I knew they were up because I could hear them horsing around from the hall.  They looked pretty upbeat.  Evidently they had done a lot of work on putting things together.  They told me that Carol was a whiz to work with.  Most of her ideas were sound, and she was serious about the whole group performing together.  Jimmy said that he had been down to her room and found Carol up.  They decided after breakfast they would find a place to practice, even if they didn’t get to compete today.
  
While we were waiting for breakfast to be served at the diner, I turned to Carol and said, “We heard a band on the radio last night and we heard a singer named Carol singing  ‘Childhood Memories.’  The local station was playing the judges recordings of all the bands and artists that were deemed good enough to compete today.  I would say you guys are in.”

Benny said, “You shouldn’t have told them.  What if it isn’t true?”
     
“It’s true.  There is a list of the winners from yesterday posted in the lobby.  The winners will have to go to the bulletin board to find out when they go on.”

Carol looked at me, “How were we?”  I was struck by the fact that she asked about them all, not just for herself.  The fact didn’t get by the band either. I think they adored her already.

“You were all great! That happens to be one of my favorite songs and I have never heard a better rendition even by the original artist.  Thumbs up and high fives to all!”

Breakfast didn’t last long. They were all excited and wanted to start practicing.  I asked Carol what they had planned for the final competition.  This was to be an original song, words and music.  “I should think this would be a problem for you all, seeing that you guys have never worked together.”
 
She looked at Jimmy, and he nodded for her to speak.  “Well, it’s a well-known fact that all of the melodies are out there already.  There isn’t any original music anymore.  What is original is how the melody is put together and what instrument plays it.  It is more like you are trying to come up with original sounds. 

“Jimmy has a homemade tape that the band recorded. He gave it to me last night and I listened to it a few times.  You know that song I told you about that I had written?  With a few alterations and when each instrument comes in, it will work very well.  I sang it this morning with his tape when he came in to see if I was awake. We think it will work very well if we can get in some practice time.”

Jimmy spoke up, “If we don’t win today it won’t really matter.  All we can do is give it our best. Even if we don’t get to sing it tomorrow, someday you will hear it coming out of your radio.”

I said,  “I think some of the stages are open to practice on.  At least that’s what I understood.  You have to find out at what time you are supposed to compete.  Maybe you have been assigned a stage already.  This is a well organized festival, so I bet it’s already posted on the board.”  Carol and the band picked up and left, leaving Benny and me to enjoy another coffee.

I laughed with Benny after thinking out loud,  “A little scatter-brained, but they all seem to get along pretty well.  I think they will make it.”  She agreed.

We strolled around town after leaving the diner.  There was quite a crowd around the bulletin board.  Several of the people looked kind of dejected, while others acted elated. You could tell who had won yesterday, and those who struck out.  Today the stages set up around the valley were to be used for practice only.  The center one was to be for the competition.  So six groups were in the finals, with six judges.  The competition was to start today at one p.m. Three winners would be announced about six p.m. On the morrow it would start at ten a.m., finishing by eleven-thirty.  The grand winner would be announced at noon.

We had a few hours to kill so we still wandered around.  Benny told me a little more about her life. Some I didn’t know even though I was her brother-in-law.  The one thing I was hoping to find out was why she and her sister didn’t get along.  I had quizzed Betty on several occasions, but never got an answer.   Maybe I should ask Benny, but I didn’t think I would get the truth or a correct slant on any explanation she would give me, so I just left it alone.

Out of the blue Benny asked, “You knew Betty and I had a brother didn’t you?”

“Yes I did.  He was killed in Vietnam.  Betty hardly ever mentioned him.”

They must have been close as the time span between them was about five years. I often thought I married into a screwed-up family. One sister disliking the other, and with a brother killed defending his country, who neither Benny nor Betty seldom talked about.  “So, what’s the story if there is one?”  

“If Betty couldn’t tell you, than I guess I don’t want to go there either.  Sorry I mentioned him.”

I could see she was acting uncomfortable, just as Betty did when her brother’s name came up.  There was a secret there.  She must have been looking to see if I knew any details.  I couldn’t see where it would concern me, so I let it go.  I changed the subject.

“I saw a small Radio Shack store. I want to see if they have a spare battery for my video camera.  Maybe we can tape Carol and the gang and send them a copy after we get home.  Who knows, if they win and go on to become famous, our descendants will be rich with a copy of the original taping.” 

That’s the way the rest of the morning went. We wandered around.  We did check in and found out that we would have to be out of our room by ten tomorrow morning.  Our bus was leaving at one sharp.  I did tell the bus driver when I saw him about the hippies, and how they had been kicked out of the motel. All he said was, “I leave at one.  If they aren’t here, ‘tough titty’!”

The Down Homers and Carol were scheduled at three this afternoon.  We didn’t see them around this morning, so assumed they were practicing.  We took the shuttle out to the valley before two.  We found them, and Carol said they hadn’t had anything to eat, so Benny and I trooped over and got some snacks at the concession stand for them. We sat down and ate before drifting towards the center stage.  I couldn’t believe the number of instruments we had to carry.  Jimmy said the extra instruments had been stored in their van. 

When they found out what Carol’s piece was they brought them all.  The song they were going to do tomorrow in the final competition, if they won today, was a bit unusual.  Jimmy said the key to the whole thing was Carol.  The only instrument that she thought would have made the piece better, would have been bagpipes.  However, it was a long song, so they just eliminated that stanza.  Besides if they had the pipes, no one knew how to play them.  

I was watching Carol.  A wee smile showed on her face.  I thought sometime I’ll have to ask her if she knows anything about playing bagpipes.
   
The band that preceded us was excellent.  I was able to get real close when our group (I felt Benny and I were part of Carol and the gang) replaced them.  I had my video camera out and ready.  I started taping while they set up.  They were allowed a few minutes to tune up. As they had just finished practicing they didn’t need to, so they used their time to show off a little.  Each member came up to the microphone and did a little thing with their instruments.  The guy with the fiddle was especially good doing a short breakdown.  Carol came up and did a scale and then sang a four line ditty in an Irish brogue, all a cappella.
   
I couldn’t believe this.  They got applause and they hadn’t even started yet! The MC stepped up and announced the band, and wished them well.   They were off!  I won’t bore you with the song titles.  They had thirty-five minutes to perform. They had put together a repertoire of popular country songs, new and old, and did justice to all of them.  I’m glad I had them on tape.  Whether they won or not, it would be something I would treasure forever.  Benny nudged me and said she wanted a copy of the tape.

I looked at the judges.  I guess they had seen it all in the years since this festival had been here.  They looked so serious, writing and conversing among themselves.  However, I did see some body language, showing that they were enjoying this as much as anyone.  I wasn’t the only one with a camera.  The local radio station was there with their equipment also.   We would be sure to listen in tonight to hear any comments. 
   
When they finished playing, the band and Carol came up and bowed to the audience and said thank you. The applause was great, but with another contestant coming right up, the MC hurried them off the stage. They had been well received anyway!  As they came down off of the stage, Benny and I rushed up to congratulate them.  “You’ve got our vote, and I think you have the judges too,” I exclaimed.  “What are you going to do now?” 
   
“Rest a little and then go somewhere and practice our song for tomorrow.  What are you two up to?”
   
“Benny and I are going to watch the rest of the competition. After all, that is what we came to the festival for, and we have been so tied up with you guys we haven’t taken in as much as we would like.  We do want to hear the winners announced at six tonight.  Then we will go to dinner.  Meet us at the restaurant at seven, and we should be celebrating, I hope.”
   
“Okay, see you then.”  Carol hugged Benny, saying,  “You know if it hadn’t been for you two, we wouldn’t even be in this at all.  We want to thank you for all the support and the trouble you have taken to get us together.”
   
Benny belittled  her involvement, saying, “Burt has done most of it.” Carol hugged me and the band shook my hand, and all agreed what great people we were.  It made us feel real good!
   
We watched the different groups the rest of the afternoon, and went back to town after the last one performed.  I know we were biased, but we thought our band and Carol topped them all.  At six we were back in our room with the radio on.  The Down Homers and Carol were winners, as we knew they should be. We were so happy when it was announced that Benny and I just naturally came together and hugged and kissed.  That was nice too.  Benny acted like this could go to a higher level of involvement, but I still was leery.
     
We listened to a song by each of the three winners.  All were excellent.  Tomorrow the finals had more stringent qualifications, as explained by the station announcer.  First it had to be original.  The groups then were judged on professionalism, execution, presentation and style.  The winner would be signed to a recording contract with one of the major recording labels. It sounded like a great deal for the winner.  I had heard that actually things didn’t always work out.  Control over all content, promotion and distribution was in the hands of the music company.  Anyone being asked to sign a contract should go in realizing that they should use caution.  Whatever, that was in the future and might not even happen.
   
Meeting at the restaurant with one of the finalists, it seemed that Benny and I were with a bunch of celebrities.  Several of the passengers who were on the tour bus with us came to our table and acted as if they were great friends of Carol’s. They were a little confused because they realized that Carol was with a different band.  I was glad that she had abstained from the groping and sex games that her friends had participated in on the trip down.  Being with them had tainted her enough.
   
We had a nice dinner and then we sat back over coffee and dessert discussing what they were going to do if they won.  Jimmy and his band wanted Carol to join up with them.  She had pretty much decided she would.  She did, however, ask for some time to think it over, but would get back to them within a week.

“You are going back with us on the bus then?” I asked.
   
“Yes, and I was hoping you and Benny would check me out of the motel and take my stuff to the bus.”
   
“Of course, we’d be glad to.”  This made us happy because Carol was such a nice person to be with.  We had enjoyed giving her a hand, and we were going to miss her when she went out of our life.
   
The dinner party soon broke up as they wanted to get back to practicing their routine for tomorrow.  On the way back to the motel we met several of the icons of the country music industry.  I wasn’t averse to talking to some of them and collecting an autograph or two.  We ran into a small crowd, and I recognized an old-timer.  He was one of my wife’s favorite singers. 

I joined the crowd and asked for his autograph.  While he was signing, I asked him what he would advise the winners of tomorrow’s competition to do to further their career.  Should they sign a contract straight off, a slight negative shake of his head, or go some other route?  I could see he wasn’t prepared to give any advice outright. So I said maybe they should get an agent?  A nod.  He was scribbling madly on the menu I had copped for a souvenir from the restaurant. 

He handed it back to me and had written on it how to contact him if the band I was interested in, came in first or second.  I had felt free to ask him, as several times I had seen in different journals and articles where he had helped struggling young artists.  I thanked him and stepped back as others wanted his autograph.

We went back to the motel where I left Benny in our room.  I went down to the guys’ room.  No one was there, so I went on to Carol’s room.  They were all there, still working on the song they were to perform tomorrow. I passed on the information I had gathered. I said I didn’t want to influence them in any way, but thought they should look at all their options.  Jimmy said, “Christ, I think we should hire you as our manager. Look how far we have come, when at one time we were just about out of it.”
   
 “It always seems to me that opportunities kept presenting themselves, so why not take advantage of them.  I have been able to step back and see these things that are a help to you, so why not present them to you?  You are the ones that have grabbed and run with them. So far they have paid off.”  I left it at that and returned to my room.
   
Benny and I took turns looking into my camcorder, reviewing what I had taped earlier.  We agreed that our proteges were the best.  However we didn’t have any idea how they would come off at tomorrow’s competition.   I lay back on the bed, my mind drifting here and there and then I slowly slipped into oblivion.

Chapter Two

I dreamed I was watching a little dog running around and then I was chasing after it.  You know how dreams work, things seem familiar, but not making much sense. Abruptly  the dog disappeared, and then I was seeing my wife. It didn’t seem as if I was that close to her, and I felt I had to keep a certain distance from her.  It wasn’t the Betty I had lost less than two years ago. 

It was more like the Betty I had married many, many years ago. She was young, vibrant and so beautiful, and she turned and walked behind a dense bush behind her.  I ran to catch up, not wanting her to go from me.  When I rounded the bush she stood looking at me from a distance.  Standing with his arms around her was a young soldier.  They looked like lovers---I felt so sad!  Then as they turned away and started to fade, Betty said softly,  “Beeny will console you, and you console her.”
   
“No! No! Come back!” I ran and ran, but couldn’t catch them.  Then I didn’t even know why I was running, tears streaming down my face and feeling so sad and abandoned.  I woke up with someone shaking me. 
   
“Burt, wake up! You are having a bad dream!”  Benny handed me a tissue to wipe my eyes.  “That must have been a bad one.  Do you have nightmares like this often?  Tell me about it.”
     
I couldn’t answer her for a minute, trying to collect my thoughts.  It seemed so real, but I had no idea what it all meant.  “I never had one like that.  It was crazy! I can’t tell you now and maybe it will go away. I forget most of my dreams before I wake up.  All that usually remains is the mood or feelings that I had in my dream.” I was hoping that was the case, but somehow I didn’t think so this time.
   
I went in and took a shower.  The mood and unease stayed with me. It was getting late.  It seemed as though I never would be happy again.  I said to Benny,  “I’m going to bed. Sorry I’m not better company tonight.”
   
Benny came back with,  “I guess I will too.”  She then went into the bathroom and started getting ready to join me. 
   
When she came out, I had turned onto my side facing her side of the bed.  She went to get in, sliding her robe off her shoulders.  She was wearing a pale blue nightgown.  Benny is definitely attractive. Before this, I had always felt guilty if I ever caught glimpses of her.  She saw my eyes open, watching, so she gave a seductive little flip of her gown when she landed in bed, at the same time giving me a flash of her bare legs. “You like?”
   
“Nice!” With that I turned away and lay on my back.  I did take her hand and give it a squeeze, and then hung onto it. 
   
We lay there for a few minutes not saying anything.  I did feel as though we were finally becoming friends.  I know I had pushed her away whenever she had made any overtures, but for some reason I didn’t feel that way now. 
   
Benny broke the silence with a question.  “Do you want to tell me about that nightmare you had earlier?”
   
“Not really.  It was the craziest thing, and doesn’t make any sense. I’m sure you couldn’t make any sense of it either. It made me so sad and I don’t want to feel like that again, ever!”
   
“Try it out on me.  I used to go to a psychic, and he always asked me about my dreams.  He would always give me an explanation for them.”  Benny gave a little shrug.  “I didn’t think he knew what he was talking about, so I used to make up situations just to hear what he would say.”
   
“Okay, but I have to warn you. Your name came up, I think.”
   
“So now I’m getting into your dreams.  That is kind of flattering you know.  You have to tell me now, and don’t you make up anything or leave anything out.”  She laughed when she said this.
   
Whether she thought I was dreaming about her body or having sex with her, I didn’t ask.  “This is serious.  It scares me the more I reflect on it.  You listen.  I’m going to tell you just as I dreamed it.  Then maybe you can give me your slant on the whole thing.”  I told her. 

Halfway through the recital, Benny went stiff and exclaimed,  “O my God!” but I kept on speaking. 
   
Benny was laying rigid beside me.  I said,  “What makes no sense is, was that really Betty?  It seems as though she was younger than when I met her.  And who was that young soldier?  And I swear, if that was her, she said that someone named ‘Beeny’ would console me.  Can you make heads or tails out of all this?”
   
Benny was silent for what seemed a long time.  “I think I can explain what all of it means, but it isn’t pretty.  There is a lot of hurt in this, and if you accept my explanation, you may not look on the fond memory of your wife as you do now.  You might even be so disgusted with me that you will sleep in the chair tonight.  I hope not.  I’m glad you told me, as it answers some of the questions why these things happened as they did.” She looked at me and saw that I wanted her to continue.
   
“You remember I said just a short time ago that I had been to see a psychic?  Well I saw two of them. I didn’t stop there.  I also had them give me life readings.  Two different psychics---pretty much the same reading. That is why I think I can explain it because it follows nearly what happened in a previous lifetime.”
   
Benny looked at me and then away. “Please don’t interrupt when I am telling you this.  I may ramble as I probably am trying to fit some of it into your dream.  To start with, the soldier in your dream was most likely our brother, Philip. I will explain why we never talked about him and why there was some bad blood between Betty and me.
   
“Philip was the oldest child, me being the middle, and Betty, the youngest. That would put him about four years older than you. He was jock, fun loving, precocious and didn’t seem to care about anything, especially responsibility.  Mother, Father and we two girls doted on him. All the girls were after him, which made Betty and me jealous.  We flirted outrageously with him, Mother even trying out her wiles on him too. To make a long story short, he saw me in the hall after coming out of the shower one morning.  I was trying to see what he would say or do if I flashed him.  I dropped my towel, jutted my breasts out and proudly walked on by him.  I could feel his eyes burning me, so I gave my butt an extra twitch and went into my room.  I shut the door, but I could hear him pacing up and down the hall.
     
“He came in and we started an incestuous affair that continued for the next several months.  We couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. I had never dated much and he pretty much stopped dating others.  God, how I was in love!  We knew it was wrong and did take precautions, but after he was called up for the draft, I guess we weren’t as careful. He took basic training at Fort Lewis in the state of Washington. 

“His going away present was to get me with child.  Or maybe I did it myself.  I was going to miss him so.  I didn’t know of course until he was half through his basic training.  If this was a straight boy-girl screw up, he could have got an emergency leave and come home and got married.  It wasn’t!  It was incest!  I did not tell anyone but him. I was going crazy with worry. 

“I finally told Mother that I was pregnant. She told Daddy and they of course put pressure on me to tell who the father was.  I couldn’t, and back at that time I thought the same as most people did. Any offspring that issued from close relatives would be either a dummy or a two-headed monster.  Abortion was not legal and fraught with danger, both for the mother and the abortionist, if one could be found.
   
“Daddy came through with the answer.  He knew a man in his company whose daughter had got in trouble. He went to him and pressured him into telling how this person had resolved her problem.  God, I was scared! Mother and I traveled to the next town, arriving at this doctor’s office one morning about two a.m.  He was a licensed MD and had performed abortions for many young women.  I guess I was lucky to have this done by someone that really knew what he was doing.  It was a short procedure, and by five that morning we were on our way home.

“I lost the respect of both my parents.  Betty knew something had happened, but not what.  I just moped around.  When Philip was due to come home before shipping out for Vietnam, I made arrangements to go stay with my Aunt Alice.  Philip was to be home for ten days.  I did want to see him, but it seemed in his letters as if he was kind of callous. When I had informed him of my pregnancy, he just wrote back saying I had tough luck but knew I would think of something.  This after all the hell I had gone through. The family couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to be with my brother all the while he was home, but thought I didn’t want to face him, in case he found out.  He of course knew, and my love for him had turned almost to hate.
   
“All of the time I was with my Aunt Alice, I waited for a call from Philip. None came from him, but my mother kept calling, telling me how wonderful Philip looked and how grown up and mature he was.  I did ask her if he asked after me. Of course he did, but Mother said it in such a way that I didn’t believe her.  She did say that when my name came up, he said, acting very grown up, that I was still a teen-ager and that’s the way they acted.  It was like my brother used me and just threw me away. I could take it no longer so I headed for home.
   
“Mother and Dad were at work and I supposed that Betty would be in school when I got home that morning.  Philip, I didn’t know where I would find him, but I was going to set him straight about the pain I had gone through. When I came in the front door, I saw Betty’s school books on the dining room table, and Philip’s army jacket on the table beside them. A sheet of paper caught my eye.  It was a note from Mom.  It just said that she didn’t have to take the bus to school, and to wake Philip to take her.
   
“I found them, and he was taking her alright.  He had her undressed and they were having sex in my room of all places.  I don’t know what I thought as I opened the door and stood there watching. Christ, she was barely sixteen!  Betty saw me first.
   
“‘Hi Sis.’ No apology or ashamed look from either.  Betty wrapped her arms tighter around her brother as if she was going to lose him.
   
“Philip looked back over his shoulder at me.  ‘Want to join us?’ he said with a smirk.  That brought an unbelieving look to Betty’s face as he sped up with their lovemaking.
   
“Betty acted ashamed now and I guess the fun had disappeared.  He didn’t let her go until he finished.  Maybe she felt a little bit of being used like I had plenty of.  She covered up as soon as Philip removed himself.  He got up and slowly started putting on his underwear. His tee shirt first and then his shorts.  It hit me then.  He hadn’t even used any protection with her at all. I started swearing at him and he was laughing all the while like it was a big joke.  When he asked if I was still pregnant, I went bonkers and started throwing things. He picked up the rest of his clothes and left, laughing.
   
“The first thing out of Betty’s mouth was a question about me being pregnant. I told her.  Boy, did I ever tell her, and about all I had gone through in the past few weeks, and why I didn’t want to see him anymore after realizing what an asshole he was.  I was out to hurt her, more to make her believe me than anything.  I said I hoped she was pregnant like I had been, and maybe she would have her eyes opened.  This scared her. 
   
“She asked me what she should do.  I told her to go take a douche and maybe she would be lucky.  Then I said I was going to a friend’s house and for her not to tell Mother that I had come home.  Just say I had called and that I couldn’t make the connection I thought I could.  I would see Philip next time he was home. Love to all.
   
“I was sure Philip wouldn’t say anything, and I didn’t want to see him again.  I didn’t know it then but I never did see him.  Five months later we received notice that he had been killed in action.
   
“I never really figured it out but Betty never stopped loving him.  She did not become pregnant, so I never found out if he would have treated her the same as he treated me.  When word came that he had been killed, and we were discussing it, she said in front of the whole family that he was waiting to see her again someday. We thought she meant as a brother she missed terribly, but now I wonder.”
   
Benny looked tired after telling me all of this.  Betty had been my wife for many years and this came as a big surprise to me.  We had loved each other.  I loved her and I just knew that she couldn’t love anyone else as Benny had suggested. 
   
“I don’t believe you.  I can’t see how this could be true!  You must have seen how much Betty and I loved each other and how close we were.”
   
Benny looked at me and said,  “I know, but that is where my going to a psychic may help explain your doubts. Betty was devastated when we got word that Philip had been killed.  She moped around for awhile. I reminded her how he had treated me, and told her if he had got her pregnant, she would have felt different. Finally she came to me and said she was going to put it all behind her until they met on the other side. That’s just what she did.  She never mentioned his name again to me. Myself, I pretty much hated him for what he had put me through and how he had moved on to my sister, appearing to not care that he had caused so much pain.
   
“Mother and Daddy never knew how their son had treated his sisters.  They were supportive of me, more so when Betty seemed to turn on me.  I got interested in Edgar Cayce.  His death had caused an upsurge in interest of the psychic, so I delved into readings and all kinds of the paranormal.  I was a very unhappy person and I didn’t really know why.  My first reading was when I was twenty. It answered the question of why Betty and Philip turned to each other, and why she wouldn’t even give his memory up.  It seems that they were soul mates and they met in each incarnation.  For me, I had taken Philip’s life in a jealous rage, in one incarnation.  This lifetime of mine was supposedly to resolve all of this.  Karma, you know, ‘What goes around, comes around.’  It has helped a lot, but it hasn’t made for me a satisfactory lifetime or made me a happy person.
   
“I spent a month at the psychic center in Virginia Beach.  I then had another reading, and it nearly matched the first one. The more I studied, the more my life became clear.  I’m hoping this lifetime will resolve my past mistakes, but it has been extremely difficult, especially being so closely involved with those that caused some of the problems.”  Benny paused.  “Do you understand what I am talking about?” 
   
“Of course, I’m aware of some of what you are telling me and how it fits into the scheme of things. I’ve read articles about the paranormal and psychics whenever I ran onto them, but never thought I would need to know more than the basics.  More specifically, why would I have a need to know?  Maybe you should just continue and then we will work backwards to explain it all to me more fully. Question---in your readings, did you ever run into me? And who is the ‘Beeny’ whose name I seemed to hear so clearly?”
   
Benny smiled, saying, “Beeny is the easy answer.  That was the nickname that Betty had for me when she was a baby. She called me that until we were both in school. I haven’t heard that for many, many years.  This is why your dream makes so much sense. Did I ever run into you in the life readings?  No, I can’t say I ever did. However, it was indicated that I would become close to someone and I would end my life on a happier note.”
   
We lay on the bed just going over in our minds everything that had been said.  It seemed as though I had more questions than answers about my life.  I still couldn’t understand how Betty, the love of my life, could abandon me in my dreams.  What had been answered to some extent was why there had always been friction between the two sisters. Benny seemed so sincere and her explanations did seem to be logical. Where did this leave me?  I asked that question of myself and then I turned to Benny and asked her.  Her answer was simple and direct.  “It looks as though you need a life reading yourself.  I’m sure that will explain it all.”
   
“Are there honest psychics who still do these things?  I don’t want to be in a crowd in front of a TV camera to have my questions answered.  I haven’t heard much about this except the ones that have garnered an audience.  Those just seem as though they are putting on a show, and it is some stretch to make it believable.”
   
Benny smiled at my skepticism. “I’m sure we can find one that you can trust. It might take a little time. You know, don’t you, that you might find out something that you really don’t want to know.  It was a terrible blow to me to find out I had killed someone in a previous lifetime and was making amends for it in this one.” Her hand found mine and squeezed it lightly.  “Let’s go to bed and think about it some other time. Tomorrow will be a busy day.”

We had talked for several hours, and it was late. I wasn’t sure how much sleep I was going to get.  With Benny’s revelations about her family, and my dream, I knew I would be awake for the rest of the night.  That was not the case.  Benny rolled over and slipped her arm around me, and I thought how nice that was.  The next thing I was aware of was someone from the hall pounding on the door saying, “Wake up!”

Carol, Jimmy and the guys were waiting to go to breakfast, and they were wired! Today was their big day!  I told them to go on and order and Benny and I would join them.   It was a raucous meal.  They all professed they didn’t care if they won or not, just happy they had advanced this far.  We could tell they were hoping for the best though.  Carol gave Benny the key to her room as we were to take care of checking her out of the motel. After the others headed out to the valley, Benny and I went back to our room and packed our stuff.
   
When we came to check out, the desk clerk said she hoped that Carol and her new band would win.  We were hoping too, and it was nice to think others felt the same way. We took our suitcases out and put them in the bus that had already pulled up in front.  We were to leave almost as soon as the winners were announced. I asked the driver if he had been following the competition at all.  He said not much.  I then informed him that one of his passengers was in the finals. When I told him who, he made up a face.  I said not the hippies she came down with, just her with a new band. 
   
We went out to the valley in the shuttle bus.  Carol and The Down Homers were to go on second.  This was a pretty small affair.  Most of the bands that had lost went home the day before.  There were several people there that looked like pure business types.  To me they looked like vultures, waiting to pick up some raw meat.  I was glad I had that conversation with the artist I had talked to earlier, and tipped off Carol that they could do better if they took their time about signing.
   
The first band played.  The music was adequate, but the vocalist was nervous and started out a little timid. She did gain her confidence and before they were finished, I could understand why they had made it this far.
   
When Carol and The Down Homers were announced, Carol stepped up and just said she was more of a poet than a folk singer.  She was going to sing one of her poems that she and Jimmy had set to music. It didn’t seem that the audience acted too impressed.  The introduction was good and then Carol started her song.  The material was patriotic and had to do with this great country of ours. This was in the refrain, but each stanza was about a different section of this land and the immigrants who settled here.  The song went on a long time, enough so I was afraid the judges might deduct points.   The audience was enthralled, just hoping that Carol would get to the part of country that was home to them. 
   
Well, it was over.  I couldn’t believe that this was the same person that Benny and I had found weeping on the deck outside the motel.  Since that time she had found a band to accompany her and to sing a song that I was sure would be a classic. I felt a little proud that I had helped out some.
   
The last entrants were superb.  It was going to be a toss-up on naming the winner. I was sure that our friends had a real shot at the prize.  It would be half an hour before the judges announced the winner.  Real pressure was being applied to Carol to sign with a record company.  She and the guys held them off by taking names and addresses and what they were offering for perks to sign.  We noticed that the other two entrants were in serious negotiations.  Carol still stuck to her plan of not signing.
   
The primary judge took the microphone at exactly noon.  “Attention please!  We have had to change our announcement of the winner this year.  The first group that performed is the runner-up.  The two others were so different in content and style, that the only way to do them justice is to declare them both top winners.  I will say that this year has been a standout and I hope next year’s competition will come up to this standard.  Again, let me congratulate you and thank you all.”
   
The show ended with everyone congratulating everybody.  The radio station did a short interview asking what future plans were, etc. When this was over, we mounted the shuttle bus to go back to the motel and our bus for home.  When we got there it was almost time for it to leave. There was no sign of Carol’s original band, which we were thankful for.  Carol and Jimmy had a few minutes to talk and I heard them discussing when and where they would meet.  Carol was going out to join them in their home town and try to get a career started.  Jimmy came up and thanked us for all we had done.  This was seconded by the whole band.  It made me feel good!
   
All of the passengers were excited to think that Carol had won, so it was pretty noisy as we started out.  That quieted down, and most of us were soon sleeping.  It was a long trip home.  Benny asked Carol to stay with her a day or two.  I said that I would take her home to New Hampshire after that.  Carol thought all along that Benny and I were a married couple.  It surprised her when we revealed what our relationship really was.  Her only comment was that she thought we made a nice couple.

I needed time to reflect on the dream I had experienced while on this trip.   I wanted to mull over what Benny had told me about Betty and their early years before I had known either. Also my feeling for Benny had changed considerably.  She didn’t come off as such a bad person as I thought. I might even get to like her. I certainly was intrigued with, and going to follow up on,  this psychic phenomena.
   
Benny, Carol and I had a date to go out for dinner. We returned to Benny’s house after dinner for coffee.  Betty and I had opted to not have children and Benny’s marriage had been barren also.  Sitting together with this beautiful young woman, I reflected that Betty and I should have had a child, hopefully like Carol.  Mine was only a thought, but Benny verbalized the same idea.  We all laughed and I said, “I guess we will have to adopt Carol.”
   
Carol spoke,  “Please do. You both have been so nice to me.  I love you as much as I did my own parents.”
   
It was a fun evening.  We tossed around all that had happened at the festival, and how providence showed its hand for all of us.  Near midnight I said,  “If we want to get an early start tomorrow, I guess I had better get some rest.”  I got up and put my jacket on.  Benny and Carol saw me to the door. Carol kissed me on the cheek and wished me a goodnight.  Benny just naturally did the same. I said how blessed I was to have two women kiss me goodnight.
 
I picked Carol up about eight a.m.  Benny waved at me from the door after hugging Carol good-bye.  I had asked if Benny didn’t want to go with us, but she said she had to check in with the man who was more or less her companion.  This gave me a little pang of jealousy, but I quickly buried it.

It was a pleasant trip.  Carol was a very intelligent individual.  I learned a little more about her.  I asked her how serious she was about pursuing this music career that had apparently opened up.  She said she was somewhat.  Her first love was poetry, but she said that didn’t pay too well.  Then she said,  “I’m going to look at and go through life just as you do.”

I was mystified.  “What do you mean?”
   
“Well look at what has happened in the last few days.  You found a person with a problem that no one could solve.  You stuck your hand out to help.  Then you found others with a problem, and could recognize that maybe with a little follow-up, both sets of problems could be resolved.  In other words, you saw an opportunity and seized on it. You didn’t know any of us, but had the faith to stick your neck out.  Do you always believe the best of everyone?”
   
“Not always.  It just seemed that the pieces were falling into place without any help from me searching for them.  Life isn’t often that neat.  You must remember the context of it all.  That could have changed in the blink of an eye. You were robbed and put down.  What if you had not been an honest person and when we invited you to our room, you could just as well turned and did the same to us.  Don’t tell me it doesn’t happen.  And when I approached The Down Homers who were needing a hand, they could have just as well told me to butt out. I think we were all having a bit of  good luck.  Besides that, there is one person I never thought the best of and that is the strangest happening of all.”
   
“I know.  That’s Benny, isn’t it?  She told me a little.  She also told me she doesn’t hold you responsible either.”
   
“Well, I think we are going to be able to get along better.  I have come to the conclusion that things are not quite so black and white.  However, when you think of things one way, another problem crops up. I am still looking for answers to several questions, but Benny has a way to help me get them.  Time will tell.  On a different subject, how are you fixed for money?  Do you have other funds besides what those guys stole from you?”
   
“I do now.  Benny gave me an envelope and said it should be enough to get me to Ohio. Jimmy said I could stay with him at his parents’ house when I get there.  I don’t know as that is a good idea, but it shouldn’t be for very long.  I do have about $450 in a bank account.  I will be all right, I’m sure.”
   
“I don’t want to be nosy, but how much did Benny give you?  I would like to match it.”
   
“I haven’t looked.  I really wasn’t going to use it if I could help it.”
   
“Benny would be hurt if you don’t use it. Open it and show me. I’ll give you a check for the same amount.  Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be too frugal.  You are going to need clothes and if you have your own place, the band will know you are serious about being a partner with them.  I think Benny and I are investing in a career, the same as we would be investing in stocks or bonds.  It looks like a good risk.  The only difference is you don’t have to pay it back.  We can well afford it.”
   
Carol opened the envelope.  A check was in it.  She looked at it and the tears started running down her face.  I glanced at it.  There was nothing cheap about my sister-in-law.  The amount was for $2,500.  Carol would have a tidy sum when I matched it. We stopped for a snack about nine-thirty and I wrote a check.  I didn’t make it for more, as I didn’t want to try to one up Benny. 
   
We arrived at her cousin Amy’s house a little before noon.  Carol invited me in for coffee.  I was seated in the living room.  It didn’t seem to have had much living done in it.  It was more like a parlor that used to be found throughout New England in earlier times.  Amy was a spinster aged forty or so, and looked like she sucked on lemons. I was introduced as a friend and Amy never cracked a smile, barely acknowledging me with a nod. She then retired to the kitchen. 
   
I could hear arguing from the other room.  The voices got more and more vitriolic. It was embarrassing when I heard Amy ask if Carol was putting out for old men now. One insult after another was coming from Amy’s mouth. I stepped to the door to see if I should interfere.  I needn’t have bothered.  I had seen Carol sad, happy, and now mad. Carol went into the pantry off the kitchen, returning with a locked metal ammo box.  Opening it up, and pawing through some legal looking documents, she retrieved one that said Warranty Deed.  Turning her back on her cousin, she handed it to me, saying,  “Read this out loud Burt.”  Amy couldn’t see it but Carol winked at me.  I read it.
   
The deed was made out to Carol as sole owner.  Then she handed me a will that read that Cousin Amy could live in the house as long as Carol owned it or until she got married and needed it.  Turning back to Amy she said,  “I love this man and I would marry him if he would have me.”  Amy started sobbing and ran upstairs.
   
“You are kind of harsh on your cousin aren’t you?” 
   
“Yes, I suppose so, but she is a nasty-minded person.  I have to put her down occasionally.  None of my other cousins will put up with her.  Actually, as soon I can make a living, I am going to deed the house over to her. She will be nice as soon as you leave.  It is sad that she has such a poor outlook on life.  She just returns any kindness with being mean.” With that, we sat down and I had coffee before starting home. We discussed her future, of which she said would have been less bright, but for Benny and me.
   
My leave-taking was short.  I made Carol promise that she would talk to Benny and me as much as she had time for. I got a big hug before getting into the car.  As I was starting the engine, she leaned in and gave me a kiss, saying, “I would marry you if you asked me.”
   
I answered with,  “I know you would, and I’ll keep that in mind, but I can’t find the words today, okay?”  With a wave, I was off.  On the way home, I thought how life had become more interesting in the last week or so.  I knew my wife’s sister better now than I had in all the years previous to this.  I met a really nice young woman whom I thought of as the daughter that Betty and I had never had.  The only unsettling thing that marred it was the text of the dream I had. Maybe if Benny hadn’t been there to fill me in on hers and Betty’s childhood, I would have forgotten it, like I do with most dreams. I made up my mind to pursue it a little further.  It might turn out to be a whole bunch of bunk.

I stopped at Benny’s house when I got home.  She was interested in what Carol and I had talked about.  I told her I knew of the money she had given Carol.  I told her I had matched it, as I wasn’t going to be outdone. We agreed that it would give Carol a chance to be independent and not have to be constricted by lack of funds in starting out. I was invited for supper. We talked about whether I wanted her to try and find a reputable psychic to give me a life reading. I said,  “I am certainly curious, but still skeptical, so why don’t you see if you can find one.  You know more about these things than I do.”
   
I was leaving, but when I reached the door things turned more personal.  Benny said, “You know you can spend the night if you would like.  I enjoyed sleeping in the same room with you last week. We got off to a rocky start, but I think I can make you forget that.” 
   
She let that hang in the air.  I answered after consideration,  “I’d like that a lot. We will never know if we can enjoy each other until we try, can we?”  It was settled, I spent the night making love to my late wife’s sister.  It was real nice being intimate with someone again, something that hadn’t happened to me in nearly two years.
   
I woke the next morning with Benny’s arm around me.  I was comfortable with what I had done.  No guilt about being untrue to my wife, or her memory. Benny roused up and looked at me and smiled.  “That was really nice.”  We made love again before getting up.
   
I stayed for toast and coffee.  While sitting there I asked,  “How do you feel about this? Our intimacy, I mean?”
   
Benny was quiet for more than a minute.  “Well, I have always wondered how you would be in bed.  I know now.  I can say you are the most kind and gentle man I have ever had sex with.  You seem to know just what makes a woman feel good.  As far as bells and whistles going off, who wants them, or rather, who needs them?  If you were trying to make me the most satisfied person ever, you succeeded.  Nice, real nice, I would say.”
   
“Do you want to continue this as a relationship?”  I had my doubts that it would work over the long term.  Both of us were carrying a lot of baggage that had been present over our lifetime.
   
I was relieved when she answered, “Not as a steady diet. I will tell you why.  We all need a place or person to run to when we are down.  I think you are that place and person for me.  I don’t want to spoil it by being greedy and losing what I treasure. How do you feel?”
   
“Benny, that is how I feel exactly!  I was reluctant to suggest how I felt, thinking you wanted more, but I had to ask. Let’s leave it like that.  If either one of us needs a shoulder to lean on, we will be there for the other.  Okay, and by the way, I think I have misjudged you all of these years. You are some kind of a beautiful person.”  I grinned as I said this. 
   
She laughed back at me and said, “Yeah, I know, and the sex wasn’t bad either.”
   
It was ten days before we each received a letter from Carol. She arrived in Ohio four days ago.  In my letter she said things were great.  She had met the families of all the band members.  They thought it was so good that Carol had helped the boys win at the festival.  She thanked me again for the money I had given her, and said it was just like I had thought.  She came out there and people thought that maybe she was a little “gold digger” looking to trade up.  This way she was paying her own way and could continue being independent.

She did say that the guys in the band didn’t seem as excited about trying for a career in the music world.  They all had prospects of good jobs after finishing school.  All of their parents owned family businesses, except Jimmy.  He was going to complete his education and become an engineer.  So she felt she had to light a fire under them or try it on her own.  Anyway, she was going to get in touch with the one contact that had been passed on to me by the artist I had spoken to. She was hoping he would give her some guidance. She ended with love, etc.
   
I compared my letter with Benny’s.  Pretty much the same content in it as mine.  The only difference was that the sister of one of the band members, who had been the band’s original vocalist, was jealous.  Especially as the girl had set her cap for Jimmy, and saw Carol as a threat to her. She couldn’t see why all the guys thought that Carol was so great.
     
My reply and advice to Carol was to take her time and do what was best for herself. And above all, look for any opportunities that were sure to present themselves.  I signed off with love, etc. 

The next missive came on a Saturday nearly a month later, and I was to share it with Benny.  She told me that The Down Homers had pretty much backed out of continuing.  This had happened before she traveled to Nashville to meet her contact.  Carol met him and showed the tapes I had made of her singing.  He wasn’t too impressed with the band she sang with, saying groups came and went all the time.

He studied the tapes, playing them several times. When he finished he sat Carol down and asked her if she wanted to work hard enough to make a good career of singing. It might take several years.  She said that she hesitated and then said a tentative yes.  He looked at her and said it would take a lot of work with teachers and coaches on her technique.  He also said it would take quite a sum of money which might be spent without any guarantee of return.
   
Carol then asked him why the music companies wanted to sign them up when they won the competition at the festival.  He laughed, and said it was a “come on” to have plenty of contestants for the festival.  They were representatives, often paid by the commission that set the whole thing up.  Some were legitimate, but most were not, adding that there was a lot of fraud in the business.
   
Carol repeated he could see her disappointment, of course, but then said that was the downside.  Then he said there was an upside and that was something different.  It might not make her as much money or make her as famous. The song had real potential! She explained what her interests were before singing and told him that she had her poems published in the university press when she attended there.  It had been copyrighted under her name.  She them handed him the small printed volume she had brought with her. So she owned the poems, one of which she set to music for the festival. The music wasn’t hers but belonged to the bands that he saw on the tapes.
   
The agent would like to market the song, and maybe there were others in the little book he could do something with.  A contract was drawn up. Carol took a copy to an attorney and he said it was a good contract. The attorney also told her that this man, manager, agent, whatever, had one of the best names in the business. 
   
Carol then went on, saying in her letter that she liked Ohio and was going to settle in that area permanently.  Her agent suggested that maybe if she had any inspirations on her poems and set them to music, she could hire The Down Homers to make demonstration tapes and send them to him. 
   
At the end of the letter she said she was teaching some courses at a local community college while she was waiting to get her teaching license. All in all she was pretty happy with the decisions she had made. Carol signed as usual with love.
   
I called Benny and asked if she was free that evening as I had news of Carol.  She had a letter too, but it was very short. She also had news she wanted to share with me about a psychic.  I was to come over for supper.
   
Benny was an excellent cook and I enjoyed eating what she put on the table.  After the dishes were cleared away, I brought out Carol’s letter. While she was reading mine, I read the one she had received.  This one was just about her new teaching job at the community college.  Then it went into a description of Jimmy and his family. How much she liked them and how much they seemed to like her. She didn’t say how much she liked Jimmy specifically but I got the picture.  The only one that she didn’t get along with was the girl she told us about before.  That was all she had to say and signed off. Love, etc.

We felt that Carol had made the right decisions and were happy for her.  We were both feeling pretty mellow after we finished the wine I had brought for supper.  When Benny made the proposal for me to join her in the bedroom for the night, I wasn’t averse at all.

I came awake the next morning with Benny poking me, “I forgot to tell you about the psychic. How could I be so dumb?  I found one I think we can trust and he will do a reading this Friday at eleven in the morning.  He lives near the Enlightening Center for Psychic Research, in Virginia Beach.”
   
“How does this work? Do I have to go down there or does he come here?”
   
“No, of course not.  You have to be in a designated place at a set time and he does it from his place.  He will look for the answers to any questions you have sent him.  You can ask about people, places and about your health, and how they relate to you. If there is something about your health, he may make suggestions to make you well.  Generally it is wise to separate any health questions into another reading.  In other words keep things as simple as possible.”
   
“So what do I do?” 
   
“I’ll help you draft the letter if you want.  You will get the general idea, and then you can add anything before you send it off with his fee.  His secretary sits beside him with a tape recorder, and asks the questions. She then transcribes his answers from the whole session and sends you the transcription.”  She giggled, “It’s simple really. You just send him some money, and you get answers for your past, present and even your future if you want to know.  As I say, the only prerequisite is to be at a certain place at a certain time.”
   
I was pretty skeptical about it all, but the fee was reasonable, so I decided to go for it.  Benny and I drew up a letter saying that I would be at my home address at eleven on Friday.  I asked for a general view of my life, both here and the hereafter.  Also information of those souls that had a direct influence on my own soul.  I listed a few friends and relatives close to me. The next day being Monday, I Fed-Ex’d my request to the psychic’s address.
   
I didn’t really have to do anything, just to be at home on Friday. It is funny, as the week progressed, my thoughts went from being anxious to nearly missing the Friday date and time.  I almost forgot it because a friend called Thursday and wanted me to go somewhere.  I agreed and then had to call him back to cancel.
   
Friday, mid-morning Benny came over for coffee and I served it in the living room.  This was the most comfortable room in the house.  She and I just naturally started talking about Carol, and the different path she had taken, choosing instead to bypass what I thought would be a sure music career. I intimated that maybe Jimmy had a lot to do with her decision.  If he didn’t want to continue, she might have felt it wasn’t worth it if he wasn’t a part of it. We agreed that it might be that she was more interested in Jimmy than a career.  We also came to the conclusion that if she was happy, it wouldn’t matter.
   
About twelve-thirty Benny said, “Well your reading is over by now.  Do you feel anything different?”
   
“No, of course not.  I wonder how long it will be before I get my transcript?”
   
“They said it usually would be two to four weeks.  Are you nervous about this?”   
   
“Not really.  I’m not sure I even believe it.  Let’s go down to the diner and forget it for now.”
       
The weeks went by and I thought something had gone wrong.  It was into the fifth week before I received a large envelope with a folder in it.  I immediately called Benny to come over and go through it with me. 
   
When I opened the door for her she said,  “Have you looked at it yet?” 
   
I shook my head no.  “I was waiting for you.” We went into my den where I had laid the folder on the desk. Opening it up we saw that there didn’t appear to be much to it. I was somewhat disappointed as there were just two pages of text.

The heading started out stating:
    A life reading for one (Subject) Burt----
    performed on Friday,----, 2001, at eleven o’clock at ----(my) address in the state of Vermont.
    It is revealed that the Subject has nearly completed his tasks.   
    It is revealed that the Subject is close to the “One Who is Highest.”
    The Subject is a very old soul.
    The Subject has nearly balanced one’s karma.
    When this one’s last task is complete there will be no need to reincarnate to an earthly sphere.
    The Subject then will be seated with the “One Who Is Highest.”
    The Subject will remain on earth’s plane for two or more decades, barring an unfortunate incident.
   
    Relationships as related to this one’s earthly incarnation at this time.

            Carol----Daughter to Subject in earlier incarnation.
    Fact:    Daughter to Benita in earlier incarnation.   
    Fact:    Daughter not of Subject and Benita in same incarnation.

            Betty----Passed wife of Subject in this incarnation.
    Fact:    Still a troubled soul, but built good karma with love for Subject.          
    Fact:    Had various relationships with Subject in previous incarnation.
        Example: Sister, Brother, Mother and Friend.
    Fact:    Will meet with Subject when he passes to other side.
    Fact:    Much good karma needed by this soul for balance.

            Benita----Sister of Subject’s passed wife in this incarnation.
    Fact:     This relationship to Subject complicated.    
    Fact:     A very troubled soul working on improving karma compiled early in this incarnation.
    Fact:     Never related to Subject in any sense, except as a true friend.
    Fact:     Benita’s karma will improve because of Subject’s intervention.
    Fact:     To console and to be consoled by Subject to improve karma.
   
(I stopped reading there because this last fact surprised me. This fact had been in a dream that I had while at the music festival earlier this year.  Before then, things were tense between Benny and me, but relations had improved remarkably since.  I continued reading.)
       
        Jimmy----No known relation to Subject.
       
        Beeny----Childhood name for Subject’s passed wife’s name for sister, Benita.

I had listed a few close friends and people I had been associated with during my working years. Most all the names came back with no known relation to Subject.  Apparently, only those that had to do with one’s progress for or against were noted.

The last paragraph gave me pause. It read: Subject will soon meet again, one soul whose good karma has been reversed, and is trending toward an abrupt end in this earthly sphere.  That soul will reside in purgatory for many lifetimes.  Subject may prevent this with the help of one’s “true friend.”
       
There we had it.  Enclosed in this folder was a receipt marked paid and thank you.    

There were not any instructions on how to interpret the documents.  Personally it left me a little cold and disappointed.  Benny said that we would come close to the meaning it had for me if we thought about it. She had seen similar documents at least twice before.  I asked for her help.
   
Benny and I went through all of the information and she had an explanation for everything, except the last paragraph.  We got the part that maybe, whoever it was, was intending to commit suicide.  This was so frustrating.  How could I prevent it if I didn’t know who it was?  I racked my brain, as did Benny.  No one came to mind. Finally we had to let it go because there was no answer.
   
One of the problems with a life reading was that not all happenings came in sequence or were imminent. Return to the statement that I would live twenty years or more.  I read this, the circumstance would hold true unless I had an accident or someone held me up and I was killed while I was being robbed.
   
Carol kept us posted on what she was doing.  She finally received her teaching license.  The area was short of teachers, so she had no problem finding steady work. She enjoyed teaching at the community college for which she didn’t need a license. However the courses that she was qualified for were few and would not support her. She applied at a grammar school as a substitute.  Immediately on becoming licensed, she took a fourth grade class.  She loved it and always was writing about her students.
   
She asked us if we had heard her song being sung over the air waves.  We hadn’t at that time, but we did very shortly. I was not impressed with the artist who recorded it, but it did make the top twenty.  Her agent had placed two more of her verses.  She also had recorded a demo with The Down Homers and sent that off.  It was too early to tell how that had been received, she said.
   
I lay in bed one night, and it hit me.  I had never asked Benny if she was the one that might contemplate suicide.  Early the next day, I went over and approached her about it.  She said,  “No, I never considered it.  If I was going to, it would have been when I was pregnant as a teen.  At that time I was lonely and scared with few options.  It did not enter my head.  I guess I thought of the mistakes I had made and I wasn’t going to bring more pain than I had already to my parents.”
   
I stayed when asked for coffee.  We got silly when I asked if the coffee was to console me, as my wife directed me in that unforgettable dream. Benny answered,  “No you can only do that with sex.”  Then we delved into both the dream and my life reading, and how it applied to us as true friends. The conclusion was that it was an act that made us feel good.  It was like when two friends got together for coffee, a shopping spree, a short road trip, or any other pleasant pastimes.  There wasn’t any pressure from either of us.  It was just something we did together.  And it didn’t happen that often, but we did feel comfortable with it.


Chapter Three

My life seemed to settle down for awhile.  Christmas would soon be upon us, and Benny and I were planning to spend it together.  No big deal, but you know how excited women get when planning an event.  I had been down to a jewelers and ordered a “Friendship Ring” for her, properly inscribed, of course. A phone call from Carol changed that. 
   
“Burt, I may have a problem.  You remember my cousin, Amy?  I have been trying for two days to contact her.  She never goes anywhere, and I’m really worried.  These last few years we have been at cross purposes, but she is my cousin and I feel responsible.  My aunt was an invalid for many years and it fell on Amy to care for her.  When my aunt died Amy sold her house. I asked her if she would live in my house and keep it open as I was away at school.  That is why she was living in my home. She has lived there for five years and I never charged her anything.  Her only duty was to keep the house open.  I have just recently deeded the house to her. 
   
“I feel as though I have done something wrong, but I don’t know what.  All the time she was taking care of her mother, she was the nicest, happiest person you would want to meet.  Since she moved into my house, she has turned moody and nothing seemed to satisfy her. You saw how she was the one time you met her. She has turned the rest of the family against her, so I guess I’m the one to find out about her.

 “What I am asking, would it be possible for you to drive over and find out how she is?  I’m sure you will not be thanked for your trouble when you find her.  She can be really bitchy, but I need to know. You have been so good to me, but I am really worried, so I have turned to you.  Do you mind? By the way, I was so certain you would that yesterday I over-nighted a key to you and it should arrive shortly.”
   
“Carol, rest easy.  When the key gets here I’ll start. I think I will take Benny with me if she will go.  It takes about three hours to get there.  I will call you late this afternoon.  Don’t worry, I’m sure I will find things okay and I will gladly go.”
   
The key arrived while I was asking Benny if she wanted to take a ride, and of course she did. The weather had been nice for this time of year, so we anticipated a good journey. I asked her to pack a bag in case we were gone overnight.  So in less than a half hour we were on our way.  I related everything that Carol had told me, and how worried she was. The nearer to our destination, even I  began to experience an uneasiness.
   
I knocked on the front door, but there was no answer.  I couldn’t hear any movement so I tried the door.  It was locked and I opened it with the key Carol had forwarded to me.  The house was cold and felt empty with no sound from anywhere. I thought we might be here awhile. I would investigate and try to find Amy.  I found the thermostat to turn it up. I could hear the furnace try to run but it shut down shortly.  I knew it must be out of fuel.  This was strange as it was winter time.  There was no heat or way to keep the house from freezing up.
   
We went into the kitchen to look around.  I said to Benny,  “Why don’t we look in the other rooms?  Maybe she fell or something.” About that time I saw a bunch of papers on the table.  Most of them were overdue bills. The last one was postmarked two days ago.  “She must have brought these in no earlier than yesterday, so she could have stepped out.  She is going to be some upset when she comes back and finds that we have let ourselves uninvited into the house.”
   
“We are doing just what Carol asked us to.  Amy can’t complain too much.”
   
“Oh yeah!  You haven’t met her, I have.”
   
We started through the house.  I started down the cellar stairs. Before I reached the bottom step,  Benny yelled from a bedroom,  “Burt, come here!  Hurry!” 
   
I rushed up the stairs and into the room where Benny was standing beside a bed.  Amy was laying there covered up, with only her face visible.  I stepped over and felt for a pulse.  I found one, but it was faint.  “Try the phone and call 911.”
   
Amy was very cold so I went into another room for more blankets.  I piled them on and started chafing her hands.  I doubted it would help.  Amy was pale and you could almost see through her skin. As I did this I was looking around.  On the bedside table was a sheet of paper with four saltines on it. There were some squares marked off with pencil in the shape of the crackers. The squares had numbers counting down from ten to two.  I picked the crackers up and underneath was the number one. After this there was a notation, “going to meet mother.”  I swiftly drew the conclusion.  Amy was starving to death.  She must also had counted on the cold to help her along.  Luckily the weather had been unusually warm for December, or she would already have been dead.
   
Benny came back into the room and said,  “Emergency will be here in about fifteen minutes. I told them what we had found.  I looked in the refrigerator while I was talking to them.  It was empty, and I could see no food anywhere. I said I didn’t know if she was freezing or starving or maybe both.”
   
I showed Benny what I had found and what I concluded, and she agreed.  Benny then took over trying to rouse Amy.  I went back to the kitchen and looked around.  When I went into the living room, I spotted a small wood heater, so I went out the back door and into a shed.  There was no wood as such, but there were several wooden chairs that were broken.  I took an ax I found and smashed them up.

While I was bringing in the first armful, the EMTs came and we turned Amy over to them. I started a fire to heat the room up, and then went through the papers again that were on the kitchen table. I found a bill from the heating company, so I called and ordered oil. They said it had to be cash.  I said it was. Then they would deliver tomorrow morning.
   
The head of the emergency squad came in and asked me what they should do about Amy.  I asked what her options were. He said she should be in a hospital located twenty miles away.  But here in town there was a rest home run by a registered nurse.   He said that they had got her warm and she was awake.  She was nearly starved, literally, but as long as she had some food like the crackers, that had kept her alive. She had apparently subsisted on very little for a very long time. I asked if he could arrange to have her transported to the local facility and admitted. The lady with me would go with them. He said of course.
   
It hit me, Amy had no idea who Benny was. I went in to see if Amy was lucid enough to recognize me. The EMTs were getting ready to move her.  I asked, “Amy, do you remember me?” I could tell that she did. “Carol was worried, so she asked me to help.  The lady you don’t know is Benny, a good friend of Carol’s.   We are going to have you taken to the rest home across town. You will stay there until you get well.”
   
Amy looked at me and whispered, “Why bother?”  Then she turned her head away.
    
I asked Benny to follow the EMTs in our car and get Amy settled. When she came back, we would call Carol about the condition we found Amy.  Maybe we could figure out what had happened to make Amy want to starve herself to death.

I knew that the little wood I had made out of the broken chairs wouldn’t keep me warm all night, so I went looking for more.  On the back of the shed I found a stack of dry wood. It looked like it had been there for years, but was still sound. I carried several armloads in and put them beside the heater.  When I came around with the last load, a man and woman were standing outside.  He opened the door for me and they followed me inside.  I assumed they were neighbors. 
   
“I saw the EMTs here taking Amy away.  What happened?” 
   
They did look concerned so I answered them. “Amy’s cousin couldn’t get any response to her calls here, so she asked us to check on her.  We are friends of Carol’s from Vermont.  When we arrived, we found Amy in bed, near starvation, with no heat in the house.  She will live, but the EMTs said she wouldn’t have survived more than two days, especially if it turned off cold.  I wonder why the neighbors didn’t notice that something was wrong here?”  I was pretty pointed in my question.
   
“We have known Amy for the last five years.  When she first came here she wasn’t too bad.  As time went on she not only withdrew from everyone, but actually pushed us and everyone away.  We just gave up trying to be neighborly. Nobody knows what her problem is.  She sure has a bad attitude, so don’t blame the people here.”
   
All I could say was,  “I don’t know her, I am just doing a favor for my friend. Thank you for stopping by.  Maybe her cousin can figure it out.” With that they turned and left. Soon I had a fire going and the house was slowly warming up.  By the time I expected Benny back it should be at least comfortable. While I was waiting for her, I went through a sideboard that was in the dining room. 

I found all of Amy’s papers and records.  I began to see why she was in such dire straits.  I looked in her bank book.  It had a balance of two dollars and three cents.  I also found the deed to the property.  Carol had transferred it to Amy in September.  I looked back in her bank book and saw where she had withdrawn the amount listed for the transfer tax.  At that time she had a balance of two hundred and ninety-seven dollars.  Every week she withdrew a little, until she had reached the balance she had now.  That was three weeks ago.
   
The woman was destitute!  She had a major asset in the ownership of the property.  The question why she didn’t borrow on that to live on, only she could answer.  I looked back to when she had opened the bank book.  It showed she opened it with a balance of eleven thousand and some change.  That must have been all she had received when she sold her mother’s house. I’ll have to discuss this with Carol.  I’m sure she didn’t know what shape Amy was in financially. 

I went to the pile of mail on the kitchen table.  In it was a bill for water and sewer rent and a tax bill from the town.  All these were due on the third of January. She had received these on the second of December.  Then I opened a letter from a bank.  It was a rejection for a loan application she had made out. They didn’t feel she was a good risk, as she couldn’t show any income.
   
Benny came in as I was sitting there figuring out why Amy must have decided to let her life slip away. I showed her what I had found and what I thought happened.  “We have to call Carol.  Maybe she can fill us in a little more about Amy.”
   
Carol was waiting for my call, and answered on the first ring.  “Did you find her?”
   
“Yes, but she was so sick we had to call Rescue.  We have placed her in a rest facility, and are going to watch over her until she is better.”
   
“I just knew something was wrong.  Why didn’t she answer?”
   
“Before I tell you, could you answer some questions about her?”   
   
“Of course. What do you mean?”
   
“I have been through some of her papers, and I suspect things were different than you knew about. Do you know how well off she was, or said she was?”
   
“I tried to question her at one time but she told me it wasn’t any of my business. You know how she is.  She must have had plenty of money.  I know she sold my aunt’s house for well over a hundred thousand.  Why?”
   
“I suspect that house had a large mortgage on it.  All I can find that she had for assets was eleven thousand dollars. And that was five years ago.  Since then she has been making withdrawals up until three weeks ago. All she has now is two dollars and three cents.”
   
“Oh no! What you are saying is that she had nothing.  But I gave her the house when I got a steady job.  I thought she could use it, because I don’t plan on coming back to New England.  It was just a headache to me and I thought I was being generous.”
   
“She still owns it, but she found no bank would lend her money on it. Then the bills started coming in, you know, taxes, etc. I think she was overwhelmed.  When we got here, she wasn’t sick as such, but she was near starved to death.  Don’t blame yourself, she wanted and planned it that way.  There wasn’t any heat in the house and the only food were the four crackers she had by her bed.  The EMTs said her metabolism was so low she might not have survived one more day.”
   
I could hear Carol crying.  “What shall I do? I thought I was helping and I only made it worse for her.”
   
“Carol, get hold of yourself.  Benny wants to talk to you.”  I handed the phone to Benny. 
   
The gist of what Benny said to Carol was she was going to take Amy home with her just as soon as she was back on her feet. That was going to be the day after Christmas she thought.  Would it be possible for Carol to come east and have a belated Christmas with all of us?  She also thought that I would close things up here and we could all decide what was best when we got together.
   
I wondered what Amy would have to say when she found that others were making plans for her.  From what I had seen, Benny would have her hands full when she laid this on Amy. I didn’t talk to Carol before Benny hung up.  Benny said Carol wanted us to know we were great friends taking on something that wasn’t our responsibility, and it was above and beyond the call.

I went to the neighborhood convenience store and got some food. Then we went upstairs and found Carol’s room and that is where we slept. It had turned cold, but we were warm enough, snuggled together. Actually we were like a pair of conspirators and having a great time.  It was nice to have some extra disposable income to do things like this when we wanted to.
   
The next day, Benny and I set about doing the things we thought should be done.  The oil truck came and filled the tank.  I gave him a check.  The driver was a little hesitant about taking it.  I told him to go to the bank and cash it.  The bank could check to see if it was good. I went through the other bills and set about paying them.

I debated whether to shut the heat off and drain the water pipes, or find someone to watch the house.  I went over and found the neighbor I met yesterday.  He was feeling bad about what had happened to Amy, even though she had pushed him away.  He was glad to do what was necessary to keep the house open.  I left Benny off at the rest home to see how Amy made it through the night. She told me what transpired.
   
The nurse said that Amy had caused some trouble before Benny reached the rest home.  The nurse also said that her patient had tried to leave and couldn’t afford to be cared for and demanded her clothes.  When Amy found out that all she had with her were nightclothes, she didn’t know what to do. She also found that she was so weak she couldn’t stand upright.  That made her all the madder. When the nurse told Amy that her friend was bringing some clothes very shortly, Amy retorted she didn’t have any friends.  Bit by the scathing remarks, the nurse left Amy alone.
   
Benny entered the room, laying the clothes she brought with her on the dresser. Benny had been warned of Amy’s mood by the staff.  She started right in.  How did we people have any right to kidnap her and run up bills on her account?  She was going to get even and we’d be sorry. Finally she ran out of breath. She was just too weak to continue.

Benny reminded Amy that she would be dead right now if we hadn’t interfered by request of someone who loved her. Her response was that Carol never loved her. Then Benny told her how things were going to be, like it or not.  She said that in the next few weeks Amy was going to do just what she was told to do. She was going to get well and they were going to leave the day after Christmas and meet her cousin at her home in Vermont.  Carol was going to visit during her school vacation and would stay a few days.
   
Amy asked where we were staying now. Answer, “Your house.” 
   
“And I suppose you have gone through my things?”

“Yes. All of them, and Burt paid all of your overdue bills.”
   
“Burt, he’s the one that Carol sold her body to. Don’t say he didn’t because I saw his check to her for twenty-five hundred dollars.” 

“Money to a friend. Believe it or not friends do that.” 
   
“I wouldn’t know.”

“I know you don’t have any. You couldn’t have. You are too small-minded.”
   
This last brought tears to Amy’s eyes. Usually those that came up against her biting remarks went away, but Benny was taking it and giving right back. 

Benny finished it off with, “If Carol had a relationship with Burt, she would want to be paying him, not him paying her.  He is that good.  Just ask me.”
   
Amy turned away and Benny sat there silently for half an hour.  “Amy, can we talk now?”  Amy, still not looking at her, nodded yes.  “I guess you reached a point where you didn’t know what to do. Burt figured it out, with you owning the house and the bank turning you down for a loan, it was too much.  There is no serious damage done.”  She paused and then went on, “Your mother was probably the last person you loved.  It is natural that you want to be with her. Let me ask you, do you know what purgatory is?”
   
A shake of the head and a no, from Amy. 

“Purgatory is where souls go when they have done something on this earth that is really bad.  Murder is one thing.  Souls go there and are stuck there, maybe for eons, never approaching where their loved ones’ reside. I must tell you that another of the things that can place you in purgatory is suicide.”

Amy’s head whipped around and stared at Benny, to see if she was being put upon.  She could see that Benny was serious.  At that moment I think Amy was reached like she never had been before.  Amy held out her hand and Benny held it as tears coursed down both their cheeks.
   
I picked Benny up a little before noon.  She was all smiles when I opened the car door for her.  “We have to go shopping.  Did you see what condition that woman’s clothes are in?  They are nothing but rags.”  Then she sobered a little and said how bad a time Amy had, relating a lot of the conversation. 

I observed that she brought a lot on herself.  “Is she going to cooperate and go back with us?”
   
“Yes, I’m sure she will.  I hit her with where her soul would end up if she committed suicide. That brought her around so I could talk to her. I think she was overwhelmed with problems.  Most concerning money.  I would like to help her. She is so fragile, and my heart goes out to her.”

“Okay.  You said the staff said she ought to stay at least three more days.  That will mean the day after Christmas. Do you think she can stand a three hour ride by then?”
   
“Yes.  She is on a liquid diet today and will go on soft foods tomorrow. Let’s go shopping.”
   
The nearest large town was only about thirty miles away. The first thing bought was a nice frilly nighty.  Then she went the whole route from the inside out, purchasing two complete outfits. One of them she had wrapped in Christmas paper. She said she would like to buy more, but knew Amy would fill out after she started eating right.
   
When we returned, she took the nightgown in and helped Amy with her toilet. Benny kept her makeup kit fully stocked, so Amy got the deluxe treatment. When Benny came out she made the statement that Amy was really a lovely woman, or would be when she regained her weight.  “I’m so glad we got here in time to care for her!” We then went out to have dinner. 
   
It was turning real cold, so we had the heat turned up.  Carol called for an update.  I told her that Benny and Amy had made friends.  Also how close Carol was to not having a cousin anymore.  We couldn’t help reflect that if we had waited, we might be arranging a funeral, instead of planning Christmas.  Carol said to expect her five-ish on December twenty-sixth.  Give her love to Amy and she was anxious to see her.
   
Benny called home to her hairdresser and begged for a two o’clock appointment the day after Christmas.  She said there would be two of them.  The hairdresser said she hadn’t planned on working that day, but Benny laid it on thick, reminding her how good a client she had been and for how long. Benny got what she wanted.
   
Amy was able to get up and move around some the next day.  Benny timed her visits so Amy could rest a lot. The staff had said Amy had to be cautioned for she had a ravenous appetite.  I had not been in to see her, but Christmas day, Benny and I were invited to have dinner with the staff and the patients. I caught Amy staring at me several times, as if she couldn’t figure me out.  She was not obnoxious about it, just puzzled.  
   
After dinner we went back to her room.  As I opened the bag that held the presents Benny had purchased on our shopping spree, I said Carol sends her love, but these are from Benny. I wonder if Amy had ever had Christmas presents before.  She sure didn’t act it.  She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  I guess she did both.  I did my part.  When Amy calmed down, I opened a little box and extracted a chain with a cross of gold, and put it around her neck.  That set the tears off again, so I made my adieu before I got choked up.  I stopped and settled the bill for Amy’s stay, asking if they were sure she was ready for tomorrow.  She would be.  Okay, I would pick her up at eight in the morning.
   
It was a long trip home.  I asked if Amy wanted to go by her home before we left.  She shook her head no. There wasn’t much conversation, and Amy slept most of the way. We pulled into Benny’s house about eleven.  I helped Amy in and Benny installed her on the couch.  I asked if they needed me before dinner tonight. Benny said no, but what was she going to serve?  I said Carol will be tired after traveling and you are going to be busy.  I thought I might go to the supermarket and get some rotisserie chickens and whatever might go with them.
   
I was excited about seeing Carol again.  She was such a vibrant person, it was a joy being around her.  I went shopping for food, both for myself and for our evening meal.  Benny and I were planning a home-cooked meal before Carol returned to Ohio.

As I was waiting to return to Benny’s, I gave some thought to what Benny and I should advise Amy to do, now that we had saved her life. We couldn’t get her well and then drop her. She wasn’t trained to do any kind of work.  Maybe she could receive training in some line. We certainly would follow through on anything she thought she could handle.
   
I took all of the groceries I had acquired for dinner and went over to Benny’s about four o’clock.  When I went in Benny said Amy was resting.  Benny said, “Wait and see how Amy looks.  I had the hairdresser cut, shape and highlight her hair.  She is lovely! I know she is just skin and bones, but she glows!  When she gets her shape back, she is going to be beautiful.” 
   
I heard a car outside. I looked out and saw a vehicle with Ohio plates in the driveway. Carol had found us alright.  Then I realized that Jimmy was getting out of the driver’s seat.  Great, this was like old times.  I could almost hear that country music in the air.  I opened the door and Carol rushed into my arms, saying how glad she was to see me. Benny was right behind me, waiting for a hug too.  Jimmy was all smiles.  “Surprised?” Then he said, “I didn’t want my fiancee driving all that way alone.”
   
Benny picked up on that before I did.  Carol just flashed her hand to show off a ring.  Benny and Carol went ahead into the house.  Jimmy said,  “I think I have loved Carol ever since you opened that motel room door and she stepped in. She feels the same way.  I gave her the ring yesterday for a Christmas present. She said if I hadn’t asked her, she was going to ask my dad for my hand.  Mom and Dad love her like a daughter.  We are getting married at the end of the semester, when I graduate.”
   
I could hear Carol explaining it all to Benny.  She was laying out their plans as fast as she could talk.  When we all ended up in the living room Benny knocked gently on the door of the room where Amy was resting on a day bed.  “Amy, Carol has arrived.”
   
The door slowly swung back and Amy paused in the doorway, her eyes on Carol.
   
“Carol!” and she rushed forward and kissed her cousin. Carol kissed and hugged her back.  I think I would not be remiss in saying that this was the first time these two had shown any affection for each other, ever. Then she spoke up and said, “Carol, do you know I would have been in my grave if you hadn’t sent these two great people to save me? I thought that was what I wanted, but now I know different.  Oh, thank you so much!”
   
Carol stood back and looked at her cousin as if she had never seen her before.  “Barring being so thin, you are beautiful.”
   
Amy laughed saying,  “That’s Benny’s doing.  She says she saw something in me I never saw in myself.”  Then in a very sober voice she said, “I guess I have made a mess of my life.  I made so much of a mess, I wanted to end it. Please forgive me?”  Tears started rolling down her face.
   
I stepped forward saying,  “Let’s not go there tonight.  Let’s be happy.  We can talk tomorrow and sort things out.”  That eased the moment, and I had to say that Amy had said the right thing at the right time.

At dinner that night it was my turn to stare or at least keep my eye on Amy.  She just had a beautiful quality about her that I couldn’t shake from my mind.  I glanced at Benny and she smiled at me.  I put any thoughts about Amy from my mind, and joined the fun and laughter that Jimmy and Carol had brought with them. 
   
We ended up the day early, for everyone was tired from traveling.  Jimmy went home with me.  All he could talk about was Carol, and how wonderful she was.  He filled me in on why they had decided not to continue their music career.  They thought that it would eventually tear them apart as it had so many artists. They wanted to start a life together, and though the rewards might be greater with a music career, concentrating on making a home would bring its own rewards. Besides they could make music together without leaving home. All the members of the band were close by and Carol was still dabbling in writing songs. I agreed it was a smart decision.

We didn’t hurry about going over to Benny’s house in the morning.  We were surprised, as the women said they had been up for hours.  Amy had let it all hang out.  She didn’t spare herself in explaining what had brought her to the point where she felt life wasn’t worth living.  She kept thanking Benny for opening her eyes to the danger she faced by taking her life.  Benny passed the gratitude to Carol.  Saying Carol was the one so worried that she asked me to check up on you.  So in a way I came in for some of the laurels too. Benny whispered to me that she would tell me all about it when we were alone.
   
Benny mentioned something about the life reading I had procured.  How it had explained some of the things that had happened in my life and the people I had connected with.  When I revealed that Carol was a daughter of mine in a previous lifetime, she was ecstatic to think I was her father.  Then Benny revealed that she had been a daughter of hers also, but in a different previous incarnation.  “Great, I now have a father and mother I never knew I had.  When are you two going to get married and make me legitimate?”
    
“It will never happen. We are traveling through eternity as true friends only.  We are very close though.”  This was making me a little uncomfortable, and I didn’t know why.
   
I changed the subject by asking,  “Amy, do you have any idea what direction you would like to go in for the rest of your life?”  Benny looked at me like I was pushing Amy too fast.

We all were surprised when Amy answered my question.  “Yes I do.  I am never going to be helpless again and I am never going to sit around feeling sorry for myself, either.  I am not too old to learn to be a practical nurse.  That is what I am going to do.”
   
I felt very proud of Amy.  And what a turn-around from only a week ago.  Carol went and hugged her cousin saying,  “I will help in any way I can.”
   
Benny chimed in with, “We all will.”  Benny looked at me to see if I concurred.  Seeing my expression she went on with,  “And Burt will too.”
   
Jimmy, ever practical and wanting to make sure that Amy knew what she was getting into, said,  “You know becoming a practical nurse is fine, but it is hard, demanding work and there are some aspects to it that aren’t very pleasant.  Are you sure you want to put yourself through the training, only to find you don’t like it?”
   
Amy smiled and said,  “My mother was sick for several years.  I did all of the necessary things for a sick person you can imagine.  Even as her mind was going, I knew how much she appreciated the care.  I can’t see how doing things for someone in the same situation would be any different.  After she passed away, I didn’t have anyone to care for, and look where I ended up. I think it is just what I must do.” You couldn’t dispute her logic when she spelled it out that way.
   
We sat around discussing how and when, and the big question, where.  Benny called around our area and found that there was a hospital close by that had a program. They started classes four times a year and the course ran for two years.  That put a damper on Amy’s outlook. She had no money to pay the tuition, was far from home, and had never held a job that paid a wage to support herself.  She had a driver’s license, but no vehicle, and to top it off, she would be nearly forty-five years old when she completed her training.  I could see she was crestfallen and was about to slip back into her old despair.
     
“You do have friends, you know.  Benny is ready to do anything for you.  Carol has promised to help out and I might be persuaded to pitch in a little.” 
   
Great tears appeared and then, a little smile.  “I know, I’ll sell my body to you like I thought Carol did.  I might even charge less.”
   
I thought immediately that this was an apology to me for her nasty comments to Carol in my hearing so many months ago. 
   
She thought her attempt at humor had fallen flat, but Carol picked up on it by laughing,  “Have you looked at your body lately?”
   
Benny chimed in with, “At a dollar a pound he could have her for less than a hundred dollars.” 
   
I wanted this to stop because a lot of times these jabs keep going and someone gets their feelings hurt.  I did not want Amy’s feelings hurt, so I said,  “Let’s get down to specifics. If you want to stay in this area, I’m sure Benny will have you stay with her.  For my part, I’ll offer to take care of any expenses related to your training.  Maybe Carol could take care of some of your clothes and personal expenses.
   
“I think you should wait to start training at least until the spring or maybe the summer session. You need to get your strength back and to get comfortable with being out and about again.  It seems to me that you have been almost a recluse. You are going to be dealing with the public so you have to build up your esteem to be able to handle it.  What I am saying is I don’t want you to fail, and the best way to counter failure is to be prepared.”
   
That pretty much ended the discussion.  We did some fun things the rest of the day.  Carol had been working on a new song.  Jimmy had brought his guitar, so they tried the new song out on us.  It had potential, but it didn’t grab me like that first song they had done at the festival.  We raved over it of course.  Let someone else give them the word if it fell flat. They did sing and play for awhile.  It was like our own personal concert.
   
Benny told them she had some personal business to take care of and would I drive her.  What she really wanted to do was tell me all that Amy had revealed about herself that had brought her so low.  We went back to my house so we could be comfortable.  She then told me the story as Amy had told her and Carol.
   
“Amy had a normal childhood and she did all the things that a child and teenager would do.  She went to all the parties and had a boyfriend and was one of the gang.  She planned on going to school and had been accepted at one. She and some of her friends took a little vacation.  When they got home she found that her parents had been in a car accident and her mother was injured severely.  She never walked again. 

“Her father, who loved her mother dearly, wouldn’t consider having his wife put in a nursing home, so it fell on Amy to take care of her.  That’s the way it went for the next seventeen years.  Her father died three years before her mother, so Amy had the sole care.  When Amy came to straighten up the estate there wasn’t much left.  After the bank took back the house, Amy managed to salvage a little more than ten thousand dollars. Here she was, thirty-seven-years-old, not trained for anything and no place to live. She had no one to turn to for advice and was much too proud to ask anyway. 
   
“Carol, just eighteen, went to her aunt’s funeral.  Her parents had died suddenly the year before, so she asked Amy if she wanted to stay with her.  Carol’s financial situation was considerably better.  She owned the house free and clear.  She was the beneficiary of an annuity for her education.  Finding out what the bank sold Amy’s house for, Carol assumed that Amy was the recipient of it all, and that Amy was financially set for a long time. So Amy moved in with Carol and was only responsible for her own needs and wants.
   
“When Amy was installed in her new home she thought she would be very happy.  She would be with someone younger and not have the care of an invalid. She soon found that not to be the case.  When she went out to find work, none was to be had, mostly from lack of training. Carol was rarely at home, because she was at the university. When Amy saw her funds dwindle, she gave up trying. She withdrew and became bitter and bitchy, pushing those that could love her or become friends away.  Then when she ran out of money, she just wanted to withdraw from life altogether.  That is where she was when we found her a week ago.
   
“Carol is feeling that she slipped up and caused Amy to do this to herself.  She is blaming herself for not being aware.  Now she is remembering things that in retrospect should have warned her of what was happening. I must say that Amy doesn’t blame her at all, taking it on her own shoulders.  The one saving grace is the feeling Carol had that something was wrong, and had the presence of mind to do something about it.  God, think how Carol would feel if we hadn’t got to Amy in time.
   
“The best thing is that Amy is so glad we got to her and in time, and that she is alive today.  It has drawn Carol and Amy as close as two people can be.”
   
It was a long explanation. I said to Benny,  “We have a job to do getting Amy back into the mainstream and making a productive individual out of her. I think it will be worth it.”  We left our discussion there and started to talk about our own affairs.
   
Carol stayed for a couple more days. We all hated to see her and Jimmy leave.  They just seemed so alive.  We had to promise that the three of us would make it out to their wedding at the end of May.  We assured them we wouldn’t miss it.  Carol wasn’t aware that Benny was connected to the Internet.  Neither one had mentioned having a computer, and here both used them all the time.  So not much for sending letters by snail mail, Carol charged Benny with making Amy computer literate so they could talk.
   
I was going over to Benny’s several times a week on her invitation.  I also looked for opportunities to take them out for an evening event somewhere. Amy had made a commitment to start school the first week of April.  She also had been eating right. She was beginning to get some color back into her face, and her hair had a decided sheen to it.  Benny made her go to the hair stylist every time she did.  Amy had a touch of gray around her temples that added to her beauty.  The first time I thought “beauty” I took a second look.  My God, she really was beautiful!  She still had a haunting quality about her that enhanced her looks immeasurably.  I hoped she wouldn’t lose it.
   
Benny was what you might call a club woman. Amy was dragged to all the women’s clubs and “do’s” that Benny was a member of. Amy slowly became more out-going and would carry on a conversation after awhile. By March, Amy was beginning to fill out and was regaining the figure she lost when she was starving.  I don’t think she would ever be robust, but she certainly was attractive.
   
Carol sent Amy a little money, not much, but I’m sure it was more than she had for several years. Amy tried to pay Benny something but Benny wouldn’t hear of it. Carol sent some clothes, but Amy was filling out so fast, they were always too small.  Benny finally put a halt to that and got Amy’s clothes in town. 

April came and it was time for Amy to start training.  Benny wanted Amy to forego school and be her companion.  No way! Amy wanted to be independent. The only way Amy felt she could be was to learn to do something in life.  She felt she had almost blown it once, and it wasn’t going to happen again. Amy dove right into her studies with a vengeance.  She was the most dedicated student.  The hands-on part of the training, Amy never hesitated to volunteer for the dirtiest chores. Her attitude was, these people are sick and can’t help themselves if they make a mess. We are here to care for them.  I think it helped that she had done it so long for her mother, and she knew how much her mother appreciated it.  What the other students reaction was she never said, but the instructors loved her. 

My birthday was in May.  Benny had acquired tickets to a play at the local theater.  I thought it would be great, squiring two attractive women.  Benny came down with a migraine that afternoon, she said, and couldn’t make it.  I was to take Amy anyway so as not to spoil my birthday. I really smelled a rat when we got to our reserved seats and found the ones on either side of us were taken.  Where would Benny have sat if she came as planned, huh?

We didn’t miss Benny at all.  During intermission, Amy and I talked.  She asked me about my wife.  I told her how much I had loved her, but that the loss had receded into the background. She had been dead more than two years now, and I still thought of her with love, but the ache had passed.  She said she had never loved anyone like that.  I said she was young yet and would find someone. 
   
It was a pleasant evening.  I met a friend of mine on the way out of the theater.  He asked me to introduce the lovely lady to him.  I just said this is my very good friend, Amy.  He whispered, “lucky guy” and laughed. I didn’t go in when we got to Benny’s.  Amy said she had a wonderful time and kissed me on the cheek.  You know what, I had a wonderful time too.

It was a flying trip to Ohio for Carol and Jimmy’s wedding, Memorial Day weekend.  Carol still had three weeks of school, so no honeymoon was planned until later.   They were all happy to see us.  Most shocking was the change for good in Amy.  Carol couldn’t believe how attractive her cousin had become.  Amy passed it off saying,  “It is all the love I receive.”

Amy didn’t want to miss any of her classes, so we returned home to New England shortly after the ceremony.

It became a ritual for Amy to kiss me on the cheek after we had been somewhere and I was leaving.  I finally admitted to myself that I loved Amy.  I didn’t tell her. How do you tell someone nineteen years younger than you that you love them? Things got a little awkward for me when Amy asked,  “You and Benny have been intimate haven’t you?  She said a long time ago that you had.” 
   
What could I say? I couldn’t lie. “Some.”
   
Amy was silent for a minute.  “Has my living with Benny been a big problem for you with her?” 
   
“Definitely not!”
   
“I don’t understand.”
   
I said,  “It’s the kind of thing that is hard to explain.  For years I couldn’t stand Benny.  I really thought I disliked her. Then the week that we became acquainted with Carol at the festival, things changed.  We were thrown together and solved some problems.  Finally we came to the conclusion that we liked each other, and became friends.  So friends like to do things together.  I like to do a lot of things with Benny, and for a while sex was one of them.  It wasn’t the sort of thing that had any real passion in it. It was just nice and pleasant.  You know, like going somewhere and having a cup of coffee with a friend.  Not that you had to, but something you enjoyed. 

“Later we confirmed in my life reading that our souls had been true friends down through eternity.  We have never been married in any of our incarnations, but we have always been true friends.  That is the best I can do to explain it.  Ask Benny, I think she will say the same. Maybe she can explain it better though.”
   
Amy had a week of vacation the first of September.  I asked Benny what we should do. She answered,  “If we have some really warm days, let’s go over to the coast and lay on the beach.  Bring your sunglasses and you can ‘ogle’ the pretty girls in their bikinis.”
   
On the trip over we stopped at Amy’s house.  The neighbor I had asked to watch the place had mowed the lawn, but the place looked pretty unkempt.  We went in and you could tell the house had been closed up.  An unoccupied house has a certain smell about it. We stood in the living room for a minute, then Amy went to the desk and got the few personal papers I had left when I gathered things up. She went into the bedroom alone. All was quiet until Amy asked us to come in.  She was staring at the paper that was still on her bedside table.  The four crackers were gone.  Mice had taken care of them, but the paper remained. 
   
Picking up and folding the paper, Amy said, “I’ll just take this to remind me of the mistake I almost made.”  Then she went on, “I don’t think I ever want to live here again.  I think I will sell it.”

“What about the furniture, etc?”

“Well I suppose it all belongs to Carol.  I’ll e-mail her when we get home and see what she wants to do with it. In fact, I’ll deed the house back to her if she wants.” 

We left shortly, as we didn’t have anything to hang around for. I did stop over to the neighbor and tell him that Amy intended to sell the place.  I thought I might be over and clean the place out later on in the fall. 

We arrived at the coast and the beach was crowded.  I didn’t put a suit on, but Benny and Amy did.  Benny had a one piece suit and Amy had a two piece.  I suppose you could call Amy’s conservative if you matched it against those that were parading up and down the beach, but I thought she looked good in it. After a while I went up and wandered through the Arcades.  I even bought a box of salt water taffy.  When I came back to the beach, Benny wasn’t around. We sat there for awhile when on an impulse, I said,  “Amy, you are beautiful you know!”  Amy just took my hand and squeezed it, not saying anything. 
   
On the way home Amy slept on the back seat.  After seeing that she was sleeping, Benny turned to me.  “Amy was pretty thrilled when you told her she was beautiful.  Just think how thrilled she would be if you told her you loved her.”
   
“Benny I would like to, but I am thinking of her.  She is nineteen years younger than me.  I don’t want to take away what she has left of her youth by wasting it on an old man. How can I tell her?  She might feel as though she was obligated for the help I have been to her.”
   
“You’re so foolish Burt, and even blind to what she feels right now.  Why don’t you talk to her and see how she feels?  I don’t think you will be disappointed.”
   
I was silent the rest of the way home.  My thoughts bounced all over the place.  I wanted this woman to be with me, but I worried that if I said too much, I might lose what little I had of her now.
   
After a week of indecision, I was still nowhere. I went over and visited Benny when I knew that Amy was at school. “Benny, I’m going crazy! All I can think about is Amy.  How do you think Amy will take it if I propose?  Do you think she will accept me?” 
   
“Burt, you are a grown man.  You have to ask her. I doubt she will turn you down.  It is not my place to answer for her.  Don’t be such a wimp.  If by any stretch of the imagination she should turn you down, you will have to accept it and get on with your life.”  Benny didn’t give me the assurance I was looking for, but she was right.
   
I called Amy that night.  I asked if I could take her out for dinner Saturday night.  She asked what she should wear.  I answered, something nice. That was the longest week of my life.  I did go to the jewelers and purchase a nice engagement ring and had it in my pocket when I arrived at Benny’s to pick her up.
   
Benny must have known I had got my courage up.  She had Amy outfitted in a dress I had never seen before.  It was a deep wine-colored, calf-length straight dress with an embroidered high collar of lace.  God, she was lovely!  Benny, standing beside her, gave me a smile and an okay sign behind her back.
   
We finished dinner and sat finishing our bottle of wine.  Without any preamble I said, “Amy, I love you!  I’m going to ask you to marry me.  Before you accept or reject my proposal, we should lay out our feelings and what the future will bring. I am several years older than you, but I know couples with a disparity in ages and they are happy together. I’d like to make you happy.  Would you tell me how you feel about me?”
   
Looking steadily at me, Amy replied,  “Burt, I have adored you since the day you gave me that cross for Christmas.  You could have showered me with presents, but you knew just what I needed.  I wonder why you love me.  No, that isn’t true, I don’t care why you love me. I am just so happy that you do.  I have been worried that you couldn’t let your first wife’s memory go.  I love Benny and I didn’t want to come between you two, so I worried about that.  And I worried that you would never want a middle-aged virgin. Through all of that I was still hoping you would ask me.”
   
I was smiling.  My dreams were within reach.  “As far as my wife’s memory, she does hold a special place in my heart.  She had the presence of mind to know that I might find someone to love after she was gone.  We thought it would be a nice thing to happen. As to Benny, that great lady has been throwing us together, and I thank her for it.”  I paused here trying to think of what to say next.  I came out with,  “As far as being a  middle-aged virgin, I must tell you that being a non-virgin can be a lot more fun than being a virgin.  It doesn’t matter when it happens, just that it does.  Especially with the right person.  I hope I am the right one.”
   
“You are, Burt, I am sure you are that person.”
       
We were married that Christmas.

I am so fortunate to have had two “true loves” in this lifetime.  Life is so good!

Amy finished her training and continues working as a nurse, not because she has to, but she is happy doing it.

Carol and Jimmy have a family.  Benny and I are Godparents.
          
The End