Willow
happyhugo
Romantic, Hippies
21,006 words
Copyright (c)03/22/10
A Brattleboro, Vt Tale
Readers score 7.06
Willow was a hippy. She came to
Vermont during the 1960-70s. She
fell in love. One problem, the man she
was attracted to was married. One plan
led to another and then fell apart. Hippies
---love or hate them, they were here to stay.
Chapter One
I watched Willow get out of the car and come toward the porch where I was sitting. It had been seven long years since I had last seen her. I don’t know what I was feeling, seeing her again today. The last time had been a time of bad trouble for me and I hated to think about it, much less remember. But then she came into my mind as she had been the last night I was with her.
She came to the steps and looked up at me. I could see she was wondering if I would tell her to get out of my life. I didn’t. I indicated the rocker that was a few feet from me. She came up and sat down. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. Then, “You’ve kept the place up, Bill. It looks good.”
I grunted. “It gives me something to do. I got rid of the stock a couple of years ago. I decided I was working my ass off and for what? Family’s all gone. Sis moved out to Idaho and has started a family of her own. I go out in the summertime to see my niece and twin nephews. Ma and Pa are out there with her. I might even go out there to live someday.” I had let this roll off my tongue without looking at her.
I faced her now. “What do you want?”
“Bill, you just said you didn’t have any family. What about Bill Junior? Or Sarah, for that matter? She is still your wife. At least she has never received any divorce papers.”
“Not family. Sarah gave up that right to be family when she went away with you and Bert. About Junior, I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since he was two. He’d be nine now if I’ve counted his birthdays correctly.”
“You have. He is smart and good looking. In fact he looks a lot like you.”
“How come Sarah hasn’t had any more kids?”
“I don’t know how you would know she didn’t. That’s a story in itself, though. I’ll tell you more about it sometime.”
“Tough for Bert. Not what he planned, I’ll bet. He was going to raise a whole tribe if I remember right.”
“Yeah, that was the plan. You could have been a part of it. In fact if you had been, it would have turned out to be your tribe.”
“Tough for me then. I’m still not sorry I kicked you guys out and got on with my life. Can’t say as I have been very happy, but I’m still my own man. I’m not part of some crazy hippie movement.”
“Say what you want, Bill. I can remember one week when you enjoyed a certain hippie.”
“Yes, and for one whole week, I traded a good life for a piece of ass. That was your idea wasn’t it? You were the power behind it all. It was your idea to have Sarah become one of your disciples. You took my loving wife and turned her on to smoking pot. Then you turned her on to adulterous sex and she became immediately addicted. Was it you or Bert who seduced her the first time?”
“It was Bert, but I was encouraging her to go for it. You received some of the benefits for what I did too. You got almost free labor here on the farm for a year and a half, and you got me for a short time. You could have had more, so you shouldn’t complain.”
“Not sure about that. I lost more than anyone. It was you who talked about the wonders of the barter system. It was cost-free labor for housing, food and all that went into making a happy home. No labor in return for what was necessary. I could have hired it done for a few bucks and I would have been a lot happier these last few years. You said nothing about the sex and the taking of my wife and son. I say it was a damn poor bargain.”
“Okay it didn’t work out. Sarah really was pretty easy to convince. She was sick of shoveling manure and working her butt off. Bert and I took some of that off her back. We wanted to do the same for you. It took us one week to turn her, but six months to even get close to you. But then you were only willing to try it for a week and the condition you made gave you an easy out. You were a damned fool for not taking advantage of what we had to offer.”
What Willow was saying, was bringing the anger back that I thought I had rid myself of. Willow Smith is four years younger than I am and Bert Smith is three years my junior. Twenty-two and twenty-three at the time we first met. They were students at a nearby college. The school was a hot-bed of change and these well-to-do students who had no idea about life, were looking to change the world. It was burn your bra and commune time, with free love and some activism thrown in.
In my mind remembering, I went back seven years and more in time before Willow. I met my wife, Sarah Burns, right after high school. We dated for a few months and were inseparable. We were a small-town product and would be working toward having a home with kids, just like our parents did. Then my number came up to join Uncle Sam in some overseas endeavors. I was drafted and I was back home in two years. Sarah and I picked up where we had left off before I was called up. I was pretty sure Sarah was true to me. At least all of our mutual friends said she was. When I reached home after the service, I went into a factory to work and Sarah worked in an office.
When we married, she became Mrs. William Loomis. For a home, we purchased an old run-down farm and were planning on having at least three kids, while we were building up the farm. Sarah was glad to stay home while I worked out and she planned on putting food by. We were raising a couple of pigs, a milk cow, a beef for slaughter, and a few chickens. Tending to these were her chores. I did the heavy work, but she was right alongside me. My job in the factory was to pay the mortgage and maybe see a movie once in awhile.
Television was an 11-inch set that we could get two channels on. In the spring of the first year of farm ownership, we borrowed enough sap buckets from a neighbor to tap out and gather sap to make maple syrup. We worked around the clock it seemed, but we did take time to make a baby. When the baby arrived, Sarah’s chores fell on me when I got home from the factory. I never thought to make a complaint. This was what we both wanted and were working for.
This wasn’t a modern operation. I had a twenty-five-year-old tractor. It had a loader on front to handle manure and I had a decrepit manure spreader. When the loader came off the tractor, you could bolt on a table saw that was belt driven for sawing wood. The furnace in the cellar was a beast that burned wood and a lot of it. Sarah was right there handing on the four-foot sticks for me to cut. The whole shebang set me back $357 total.
I had no haying equipment. I hired a man to cut, rake and bale the hay and I paid him twenty-one cents a bale to do it all. That was for the first cutting. For the little bit of hay I made for the second cut, I borrowed a tractor with a mower to cut grass. I put the hay loose into the barn with my pickup.
By this time Bill Junior was four months old and we had been on the farm almost two years. I didn’t know it then and I didn’t have any idea anything would go wrong when a couple of college students, named Smith, showed up at our door one Saturday afternoon. I was getting in the last of the second cutting of hay and they pitched in. The hay was in in no time. Then they said they heard that there was an old cabin up in the woods that had been used for hired help in days gone by. Could they rent it? I showed it to them.
I certainly wouldn’t want to live in it. They would, even without facilities or insulation. I was ashamed to charge them anything, but I would accept some help if they would relieve Sarah of some of her chores. We struck the deal with a handshake.
They said that they were through with college at the end of the semester and would have more time to help if I needed it. They lasted in the old cabin until December. The sheet metal stove I furnished caused a fire, which was soon extinguished. I guess they weren’t paying attention and it overheated. I had cautioned them about the stove, but they didn’t listen. I wondered how they could be so dumb as to have the stove overheat while they were right there.
By this time we had become well acquainted and friends. We also were depending on the help they were providing with the chores. Neither kept very clean and always wore extra clothes which emitted an unwashed odor. This seemed to be standard with the hippy movement. They were no worse than others we came in contact with.
Bert and Willow Smith moved into a spare bedroom upstairs in our house. It took awhile to get the smoky smell from their belongings, but they were glad to live in a residence with facilities again. We had a great Christmas and they bought a 13-inch television and antenna for the house. We could get five channels on television with the new setup.
I came to enjoy having another young couple our age around. They were both intelligent and articulate. Our room and theirs were far enough apart, being on different floors, so we couldn’t hear them, and I suppose the reverse was true. I was twenty-six and Sarah was twenty-four. Junior would be one year old in the spring.
There were some other benefits that came with having Willow and Bert living with us. Money was no object to them and we were often treated to some exotic foodstuffs or sometimes a night out to dinner. Often, if I needed a small tool or some nails, Bert would buy it and say forget about it when I offered to pay. By the time of Junior’s one-year birthday, they were like brother and sister to both Sarah and me.
In the summer, Sarah and I were seeing what Willow and Bert looked like. The summer before when they first arrived, they were always discreet about what they wore and were always covered. Now they still wore clothes, but occasionally flashes of skin could be observed. And sometimes Willow bumped into or brushed against me when there was no need. If I had thought about it, I would have recognized that this was a subtle seduction. Sarah wasn’t being as careful about covering herself, and I did caution and admonish her about sometimes displaying more than I thought proper.
We had a great summer and fall. Mother Earth News was championing this lifestyle we were living, as back-to-the-land people. There were other publications, books and newspapers coming into our home as well. Robert H. Rimmer’s books were eagerly awaited as they came out. “The Harrad Experiment” and “The Girl from Boston” were read and discussed more than any. Nancy Friday was writing books that dealt with women and their fantasies, “My Secret Garden” being the best. John Warren Wells was another one that dealt with the sexual revolution.
Psychic healers had their following. Edgar Cacey, the most honest, was written about in the book, “There Is a River” by Thomas Sugrue. Ruth Montgomery had her special following as well. Sarah and the Smiths had time to read and discuss this material while I worked.
It seemed as if everyone from all walks of life were searching for someone to follow that would make their life better or more interesting--whether cult or commune. I suppose in a way I was above much of this, as I was putting in fifty hours in the factory every week. On top of that, it was I who managed everything going on at home. I have to admit, my farm was further along to where I wanted it to be. We had doubled the syrup production the second year with hardly any extra labor on my part.
I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but more often than not, it was Willow and me who were paired together doing the outside chores. Willow always was the volunteer to cut or help get the wood in. She would be on one row with me in the next, weeding the garden together. She was bubbly and happy and tackled any chore with gusto. I came to depend on her nearly as much as I did my wife. Bert and Sarah did the chores around and inside the house. Sarah had always done the chores, but sometimes complained. Junior knew who his mother was, but he was just as happy cuddling with Willow and she gloried in the love he extended to her.
I know now I was too naive about several things. For months I had been smelling an unusual odor when I came home. I supposed it was incense the Smiths had a habit of lighting. I can tell you I knew from nothing about marijuana.
It was Good Friday and I had been slated to work. I did go in, but there had been a misunderstanding. I was not needed and I was on my way back home by ten o’clock. I would be home six hours earlier than my usual time.
Coming into the house, the smell I had wondered about was permeating everything and the living room was blue. Junior was running around, but I could see that he wasn’t really aware of what he was doing. I looked into our bedroom and Sarah was naked in bed with Bert. I think they were too stoned at the moment to engage in sex, but I didn’t doubt that it had taken place earlier.
Willow was asleep in the bedroom upstairs. That fact didn’t surprise me too much as she was the one that usually did the milking and other chores in the morning. She was always up at five o’clock and when finished with the chores, she showered and went back to bed.
I blew up, getting as angry as I had ever been, and yanked Bert and Sarah from my bed and kicked them outside. I pulled a naked Willow from her bed and hustled her down the stairs and out the door to join them. I tended to Junior, putting him into my bed that was still warm.
It was cold and the wind was still blowing across the yard off the snow that hadn’t melted yet. There were three naked people standing on my porch trying to get in by hammering on the door. My son was now curled in my bed, asleep or out of it. I set about opening the windows where I could, to get the stench out of the house. The back door was wide open, but those outside didn’t want to walk around to the back stoop through the mud with their bare feet.
Maybe I was a little rough, but maybe not. I floored Bert with a punch to the belly as I let them in. He lay there retching on the floor. "I guess you all got carried away. I suppose Sarah and Bert were going to get it on someday, just from the literature we have been reading. I honestly didn’t give a thought that it could happen. She is my wife, for God’s sake. I’m pissed more for Sarah not taking care of Junior. He’s almost two. What would have happened if he got hurt or found some matches and started a fire? You were all stoned out of your minds. Willow, I want you and Bert out of here. I’ll take care of Sarah.”
“Bill, calm down. I wasn’t out of my mind. I was just sleeping upstairs and wasn’t aware Bert and Sarah weren’t watching Junior. They must have thought he was with me and had time to make love and get happy. Know this, too. I have come to have almost as many feelings for you as Sarah has. You are a wonderful person and you must be aware how I feel about you. At least wait until you hear what we have planned.”
I stared at her. She was something and she was naked. Being out in the cold did things to a person and it was doing things to her now. The cold had turned her almost blue and she was covered with goose bumps. Willow was slightly smaller than Sarah. I had no idea that her body was so exquisite. This was the first time I had seen the whole package displayed. I had of course seen glimpses, but this was laying it all out before me. I suppose I had fantasized to some extent. They didn’t do justice to the real person. “Go put some clothes on. You’re cold.”
There was that last shot. “Not for you Bill.” I shook my head and walked into my bedroom. Sarah had crawled into bed and covered up. I hunted around in our toy drawer and found the paddle that we used when we were feeling a little kinky. I didn’t feel that way right now, and this was a different use for the paddle. I came to my senses when I pulled the covers back and Junior was cuddled to his mother, sound asleep.
Sarah was awake, though. “Bill you and I promised each other we would never use that in anger. Were you going to break your promise?”
“I was. I intended to beat the crap out of you and I have the right. I was going to break the promise because you broke your vow to me to always be faithful.”
“Okay, you are right and I’ll take my punishment. You can do it sometime when Junior doesn’t know about it.”
“Nice of you to think of him now. All three of you were zonked out and he was running around almost as stoned as you were. I’ve told Willow and Bert to leave. I should kick you out too, but then you probably would take Junior and I can’t have that.”
“We were going to talk to you tonight. Hear what we have to say, please.”
“So this is all a setup. My wife and a couple of hippies against me.”
“Just listen to Willow. See if what she says won’t make sense.” I turned and went out to start making up a stew of the leftovers from supper last evening.
Still remembering, a naked Willow had turned me on and I was willing to at least listen. I had in mind that she was going to propose we all jump into bed together. I had read the books that were in the house too. What was giving me pause was the uncertainty of where this would leave Junior. What about my marriage and my family? At the time, my sister and parents still lived not many miles away. What would they say? Would there be as much scandal as when the two couples downtown, business people yet, had swapped wives--permanently?
Was I strong enough to resist Willow? I had seen her now. I had fantasized about her and read the books that touted the lifestyle that was supposedly sweeping the country. Today I had seen her in all of her glory and she certainly was appealing, along with being so very willing. Would Sarah be jealous? I hoped so. I was jealous enough of her and Bert. Making love to Willow would be revenge in a way and promised to be pleasurable. I decided I would listen to what their proposal was.
I returned to the present, glancing at Willow rocking in the chair. “What do you want? Why are you here?”
“For myself, not much, although I could wish for more. Sarah needs a divorce. A very quiet one. No, that’s not correct. Bert wants Sarah to get a divorce. They joined a church group and he has moved up in the church hierarchy. Also they have been living together all of these years. They aren’t married and if it is discovered, he loses his position.”
“What kind of church is he involved in? I should think his past would preclude a future with something involving God.”
“It hasn’t. I admit it didn’t start out as much of a church, but over the years what we have been involved in, has merged several times into something that is pretty substantial.”
“You’re a part of this as well?”
“Yes, I am a part of it. It is I who has planned how to make this happen for Bert. I’ll tell you that now, because you would think it anyway. It certainly isn’t your wife. She lives day-to-day and always has since we left here. Bert can’t seem to do without her, so someone has had to see that he reaches his potential. I think he is at the point where he doesn’t need me now.
“I have to confess something about what happened so many years ago. The reason I wanted to have us all together, was because I wanted to have a part of you just as much as Sarah had. Instead I tore your life up and made it impossible to have your love. That week I had you to myself is the high point of my whole life. When Bert and Sarah broke their promise to us, I hated them. I knew then I had no hope of having your love I so badly wanted.”
I remembered back to that particular time in the past. That was the day I discovered that Bert and Sarah were intimate and Willow had manoeuvred them into becoming so, because of her own agenda. I was prevented from beating on my wife because of my son when I approached her. That fact calmed me long enough so I could wait to hear what they were proposing for the future. It was evening before I sat down with them. Bert was still hurting because I had really belted him. Sarah’s high had worn off by this time and she was realizing how much she had betrayed me. She was guilty and I reminded her of being so.
It was Willow of course who was the spokesperson. “Bill, Bert and I have been here a year and a half and this is the first rough spot in our relationship. You can’t tell me that you haven’t looked on me with lustful thoughts. I’ll tell you right now I’m willing. That said, let’s go on to the farm and what we four working together can accomplish. Sarah says you think that the farm now is where you wanted it to be in five years from the time you bought it.
“That tells me you have gained three years toward your goal. We can do so much more in having a great life all together. We can have more children. I want one by you. Bill Junior can become as much Bert’s and my child as he is yours and Sarah’s. I love him as if he was my own. He will have better care. You have been working your butt off all the time and are not always here. Anyone of us can work outside the farm. It doesn’t have to be just you. We can also set some rules about having children. It wouldn’t have to be a hit or miss conception with not knowing who fathered the baby.
“When we all get old, one of us is bound to die before the others. The remaining partners would have that much more support. All of these books we have been reading talk about utopia. I think we can achieve it, just among the four of us. Please think this through before you reject it outright.”
I couldn’t believe this. It was impossible for me to imagine. It was share my wife, share my farm, and share my son. I turned to Sarah, “Is this what you want or is your head too addled to really know what you want?”
“I want to try it, Bill. I love you as much as I ever have, but I love Bert too. I don’t want to give up either of you. Willow loves you and Junior loves Willow and he likes Bert. You get along with Bert and we can have a wonderful life together.” Bert had a pleased expression on his face.
I looked at Willow. Her face was without expression. She was waiting. I had to believe she was hoping, but knew it wouldn’t work if she tried to coerce me more than what she was doing right now. The silence drew out and Sarah was restless. “Bill, tell us what you are thinking. Say something.”
I guess I thought as much of this farm as I did of Sarah and that was uppermost for the minute. “Who owns the farm or do we own it all together? I worked hard to get a down payment to buy it. I’ve put in almost four years here.”
Sarah exploded. “Bill, don’t tell me this is all coming down to money. I’m ready to give up my share and I have worked as hard as you have.”
“Yes you have, but we were working to give Junior a better life than we have had.”
“Yes, and that can still happen. We could limit the number of kids to what we think we can support, and give them the best.”
I realized that these three had been discussing this for weeks and maybe even months. I’m sure they would have an answer for everything I brought up. Bert spoke, “You know I have a check coming from my grandfather every month. Over time it would be equal to what the farm is worth. We would be partners in property as well as in life.”
I had to step back and think. “This is Easter weekend. I’ll think it over and let you know at breakfast on Monday morning. In the meantime, I don’t want you two to look or talk to Sarah about any of this. I’ll tell you right now, I am not happy with this at all. I feel you have taken advantage of my wife and of me. I’m upset and you think I’ll go along by offering me Willow. I’m against drugs and I suspect you have used them to get Sarah to think your way.”
Did they think I was going to fall all over myself and join them? Bert maybe. Sarah probably. Willow looked at me. I think she knew right at the moment that she hadn’t persuaded me. “Come Sarah, it is time for bed.” I didn’t say goodnight to the other couple. I took my wife to bed and tried to recapture my love for her, but sex tonight was a disaster.
All the time we were arguing, she mentioned Willow being a free spirit and willing to do whatever my fantasy suggested. I recognized what was being promised, and it was tempting. The trouble was that when I tried to make love to Sarah I failed miserably. This didn’t seem to bother her at all. “You won’t fail after the four of us join together.” Sarah was still in there pitching.
I knew right then I had lost her. Sunday I tried several times for our usual intimacies. My wife was as discouraged as I was--not the sex part, but the coming together of the four of us. I relented slightly. Monday morning at breakfast as promised, I brought up the subject and gave them my decision.
“This is what I’m willing to do. First, the property stays in my name at least for awhile. If this all goes to hell, then Junior will still have a home. Second, and I’ll tell you right now, I couldn’t perform in bed with Sarah the last two days. What we had has been destroyed. Some of it may be because I am so angry and against all of this. I doubt what you are proposing will ever work.
“Under the conditions I’m laying out, I will take Willow and use her as my wife for the next six days. It will be the same with her as it was for Sarah and me before you came. We will work side by side and make love the same way. She will be a new experience for me, so I’ll be concentrating on Willow exclusively. Sarah is not to have anything to do with Bert in the meantime. No drugs and they both will have to abstain from any sex for the next six days. Willow, I’m promising if they do not, you and Bert are out of here immediately.”
“How are you going to treat me? I will not be treated as just a thing.”
“You are going to be my loving wife for six days. You will be treated just as if we were married and I loved you. That’s how the lifestyle works isn’t it? Everyone in love and willing to have sex with all. You say I have been lusting after you. Maybe I have, but so far my lust hasn’t been strong enough to destroy my marriage. I want to see if during this week I can go beyond what I feel for you and make it more permanent. Who knows, I may have a revelation of some kind. I don’t think so, but this is what you all seem to want. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes. I think you want to see if the feeling for me is stronger than the jealousy you have because Bert and Sarah are sleeping together.”
“That’s close enough. Sarah and I have been totally compatible up until this weekend. They need to know about me being with you as well. I’m not entering into any agreement where the jealousy comes between any of us.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to. I don’t want that either.” She turned to the other two at the table, went through the conditions again. Willow was mine for the week. Bert and Sarah were not to have anything to do with drugs or each other, except for household and farm chores. While she was speaking, I called the factory, and said I would be taking the week off concerning a personal matter.
Sarah, with Junior on her hip, stood watching me take Willow by the hand into my bedroom. We left the chores for Bert and Sarah. There wasn’t that much difference in the bodies between Sarah and Willow. Willow was slightly thinner and her breasts were smaller. The big difference when we got into bed was the heat coming from Willow. My mind was totally out of control and I wanted this woman immediately! Was it because this woman was new to me? Was it because my wife broke her vows and I needed revenge? Was it because I was searching for an experience that was better than what I had enjoyed before this? Maybe it was just plain lust. This woman in bed with me had turned my life upside down and I had to find out.
It didn’t matter for the moment. I certainly didn’t have the same trouble as I had yesterday with my wife. We went on and on and I wasn’t ready to stop even when there was a knock on the door, announcing lunch at noon. Willow shouted to go away.
I played with Junior for an hour before supper and for an hour afterward I let him cuddle in bed between Willow and me. He was just as happy and contented with her as with Sarah. I hadn’t had time to think about the future, but there was no doubt there was a solid connection between Willow and myself. I tucked Junior in his own bed and went back to the living room. Sarah wasn’t happy and said so. To appease her, I announced that Willow and I would be doing the chores in the morning, but for now we had other plans.
I pretty much ignored Bert and Sarah all week, giving all of my attention to Willow and Junior. I was getting closer to having to make a decision. I had a problem. I was falling in love with Willow and Junior had already done so. That didn’t alter the fact that I didn’t want my wife sleeping with Bert. Bert was jealous of Willow and me alone in my bedroom knowing I was taking something that had been exclusively his for a long time.
Sarah certainly was jealous and I wanted both of them to see that this arrangement was impossible. At least Willow and I were where we could talk about it. I think she understood better than Sarah ever would, the forces that were pushing us. It came to me that Sarah and Bert just wanted the freedom of having more sex. They wanted more sex, but hadn’t thought through it all.
Bert and Sarah were beside themselves with jealousy. Willow was the happiest among the four of us. She declared her love for Junior, so that part didn’t bother me. I was the one that held the key, for it was me that had to step back and look at the overall situation. Two people could work through problems, and very occasionally three might keep it going. Put four people together with different desires and needs and it just couldn’t work.
Chapter Two
I awoke that Saturday morning seven years ago at eleven-thirty. My mouth tasted like shit and I was groggy. I made it out to the kitchen. It was empty. There was no sound from anywhere in the house. I could hear our milk cow bellowing as if she hadn’t been milked. The drawers to Sarah’s bureau had been emptied of most everything. I went upstairs and Bert and Willow’s room was in the same condition. There was the smell of pot and the sheets on Bert’s bed were covered with fresh drying stains. In the bathroom I found an empty bottle of sleeping pills and a saucer that held a residue of crushed tablets.
I did chores and went in and brewed coffee. There was a note on the table and I put it aside for the moment. I remembered Willow waking me sometime in the night and telling me I needed a drink of water. It must have had something in it. I sat and pondered what had happened. I had an immense sense of loss. Willow knew if Sarah and Bert got in bed together again, that I would drive her and Bert away immediately. She promised they wouldn’t. I hadn’t considered that Sarah and Junior might be leaving with them.
I opened the note. Bill, I caught Bert and Sarah upstairs together. Both were stoned and were having sex. We are all leaving, for as angry as you have been, I fear you will hurt one or all of us. Junior should be with his mother. Don’t worry about him, for I will care for him as if he was my own. You will have to trust me on this. Someday I will return him to you. I know he will grow up to be a fine young man. I regret leaving and want you to be aware of the loss I am feeling. Love, W
I knew now that I had not only lost my wife, but also another woman who loved me. Loved me enough to keep a promise to me. My thoughts turned to my son. If he was with just my wife, I would certainly be on the phone to the police. He was with Willow and she declared Junior loved her as much as he loved his own mother. She would be the one that I now could trust to care for him. “I destroyed Bill’s family and his happiness. It is up to me to see that his son is brought up to be a credit to him.” That is what she would do. But then, how could I tell for sure?
It was three months later that I received a letter in the mail. There was a cashier’s check that fell from between the pages when I opened it. I was expecting an apology from Sarah, but I was disappointed. Bill, I’m still pissed at you for not following the plan. We could have been all so happy together. Willow won’t discuss why she made Bert and me pick up and move out the night we left. She drove us out of bed and right out into the van and ran around throwing clothes into the back of it. Don’t worry about our son. I wanted to leave Junior with you, but Willow insisted he come with us. She acts as if she is Junior’s mother now and he is her first priority and is well cared for. She didn’t think you should have to care for the farm and Junior too.
The check that is with this letter is to pay someone to help with all of the chores. Bert has objected, but when Willow told him she was pregnant with a child he had better do as she says. Otherwise he would never see his baby. I guess in one way, it is good that we all didn’t get together. Willow is a bitch sometimes and she isn’t all that easy to get along with. She just has to be the boss.
I wanted to let you know where I am, but Willow won’t allow it. We move from one commune to another. It is pretty exciting to me and I’m seeing a lot of the country. You can’t believe the experiences I’m having either. Someday I hope to have a home again. Willow says when she gets big with the baby we’ll find some place warm to live. Bill, I still love you. There was a long space that had been erased. I tipped the letter to the light. She had chopped the sentence off. I could faintly make out the words, but I love Bert very much too. At the end there was just, Sarah.
I guess you can say all I had left of the marriage I started with was the farm. My wife was gone. She couldn’t leave the man she had got into bed with. Maybe it was the sex, compounded with the drugs she had been plied with. Who knew? The thought crossed my mind, what if I had started a life with Willow? That was an unknown! I suspected though, it would have been more solid than the one I had with Sarah.
I went on with my life the best way I could. I was careful with the people I chose to help me. Still, during the long nights, I wondered if I would have been happier now if I had embraced the different lifestyle. I was just so alone!
It had taken me a year to locate my wife and the others. All three who had abandoned me were living in New Mexico. Bert and Sarah were living openly together as man and wife. Willow had a small trailer where Junior and the new baby lived. I found them by keeping in contact with several of the hippies that lived in this area. Whenever I met someone new that was visiting around, I asked if they had run into the Smiths who were travelling with a woman named Sarah and a little boy called Junior.
The hippies were much like the gypsies of Europe, travelling and stopping for a bit, and then moving on to someplace new. The welcome was out to whoever stopped for the night or for a week. Food and bed were shared without stint. Stories were told and past acquaintances were asked after. During that year, I even talked to one person who had shared my wife’s body for a night somewhere in North Dakota. He reported she seemed happy with the lifestyle and had no plans to return to Vermont.
Willow was mentioned by the same person. She had some hold over her two companions and was always berating them over the excesses that Bert and Sarah indulged in. She didn’t participate in these herself in any way, because she had a two and a half year old child to care for and was apparently pregnant herself.
I don’t know how long my mind had been in the past. Willow was patiently rocking in the chair, and staring into space. I guess we both returned to the present at the same time. She asked me to tell her how I made do with them gone.
“The first couple of months after Sarah and you left were rough. My Dad came and did chores until I found an older man, Randy, who was willing to do them for me. I paid him minimum wage. He also needed a place to live and I said he could have the cabin to live in if he would fix it up. He was quite handy and he put the cabin into better shape than it had been before Bert and you arrived. When it was ready to move into, I gave him a year’s lease in return for the work he had done. You should see it now. It is quite the little home. I rent it out sometimes, but only to a single man.
“In a way, I suppose I have bartered for services the same here in the main house. One of the women that I worked with had a mother who was looking for a place to live. I let her move into one of the rooms upstairs. She was sixty-six years old, a widow and on Social Security. That didn’t amount to too much as it was only $144 a month. She lived here in return for housekeeping and fixing my meals. Randy, my hired man, and also retired, was soon taking his meals with us. They got married and moved downtown. I sold the animals when they moved out.
“The hippies like you are settling down now that they are getting older. I think maybe just as you have. Some of those that I met years ago, show up to reminisce about their times around here. Just last week, a big black Buick drove in and two men got out. I swear, the suits they were wearing must have cost what I earn in a month or more. One is a medical doctor and the other is a psychologist. They both practice in Boston.
“They lived in a camp over on Cemetery Road. They visited here for the Fourth of July one year and I was invited over there for breakfast the next morning. Probably it doesn’t seem unusual to you, but when I drove in, three naked women came out of an old bus that was parked beside the camp. It was quite a treat for me and I suppose if I was interested, one would have been available.
“Three years ago, one kid who had worked for me during sugaring season, wanted a recommendation. It was to be mailed back to the University of Maine. He was here visiting in the spring.”
“No woman in your life now?”
“Willow, I’m married. How can there be?” I said this with a grin. I continued. “I do go out sometimes. It isn’t often, but I do have the chance to sleep over on occasion, but I don’t make a habit of it. I figure I might as well. Sarah fucked her way across the country. She doesn’t know it because she dropped her family, but she has been disowned by her parents. Her father has died, but I don’t suppose she cares. They wanted to know their grandson, and she took him with her, which has made them pretty bitter.”
“You’re bitter too, aren’t you?” I didn’t answer that observation.
“With her asking for a divorce, I suppose I will see if I can find love again. I’ll tell you one thing, it won’t be with someone like Sarah. I’m just not that trusting anymore.”
“How can you tell if the woman is trustworthy?”
“I can’t I guess. No woman will ever get so much of my heart and love as she did again. That’s for certain.” It was time for Willow to share with me some of her own life and I asked, “So, I understand you are living in New Mexico. How come you decided to settle there?”
“How do you know where I live? I haven’t said.”
“I’ve known where you have been living for the last six years. I probably couldn’t find you in today’s time if I had to look for you. The hippies have stopped moving around so much. You do know a woman named Peggy Brant. We correspond quite often and have for years. She wrote to me when she moved to New Mexico a year after you left here. She worked for me during the first winter you were gone. I bought a snowplow for my pickup and she plowed snow. I paid her wages while I was working at the factory. She knew much of what my situation was. She recognized Sarah’s name and contacted me.”
“Peggy never said she knew you. She lives in the same park as I do.”
“I know and I asked her not to. It wasn’t you I was concerned about. It was Junior.”
“Wow, that is why she always asks how my little boy is and wants to know how he is doing in school and everything. Did she tell you I had a baby girl?”
“She didn’t need to, but she told me about her the same as she did about Junior. I received one letter from Sarah sometime after you guys took off. She said it was you that made Bert send me some money and that you were pregnant. By the way, thanks. The money came in very handy.” The question had to be asked. “Where is Junior now?”
“He and my little girl, Robin, are downtown with an old friend that I know still living here in the area. I thought I had better come see you first to see if you would speak to me.”
“Are you going to let me see my son?”
“Of course I am. I’ll bring both of them here. Bill, before I go after the kids, I’d like to tell you some things I think you should know. I hooked up with Bert long before college. At that time my parents didn’t approve of him. Just to get back at them, I tried to get pregnant. Hey, it was my body and I could do what I wanted to with it. That was my thought process at the time. I screwed his brains out for five years. For almost one of those years right here in the room upstairs. I never used any protection and I figured it was me that was incapable of conceiving a baby because of something that happened in my past.
“You know something else? You and I made love several times over the space of five days. I wanted to get pregnant by you just as badly as I wanted Bert to make me pregnant, but for a much different reason. You may not believe me, but having sex with you was so much different and I have to say so much better as well. I felt it and so I was not too surprised when only a month later, I knew I was carrying your baby. Robin is your child, because I haven’t slept with Bert or any other man since my time with you. There was certainly no chance of getting in bed with him, because Sarah took him for her own.
“You’ve heard about two people being soul mates. Well that describes Bert and Sarah. They didn’t realize it until I discussed the reason why Bert didn’t impregnate me. It is he that is sterile and not me. Suddenly, Bert realized that Sarah might become pregnant by someone other than him. He urged her to go in and have her tubes tied.
“Not only that, he began to object when she got together with another man. It is surprising that she didn’t conceive sometime during the year we were moving around. She was pretty wild. Both were for that matter. Some different than when he was willing to share her with anyone. That was the time I felt we should settle down.”
“You mean if I went down to New Mexico and demanded my rights as her husband, it would make him jealous? I might just do that.” I sat back and played a scene through my mind of getting into bed with Sarah and Bert standing watching as I closed the door. I glanced at Willow.
She was looking concerned. “Bill, please don’t do that. The two of them are more husband and wife than she and you ever were. They are totally monogamous. They have now been directing their energies into religion. Bert has what some people would describe as having a golden voice. There was a small church that only had a few members, many of them older people.
“After Bert learned he was sterile, he was depressed. Not only about his own condition, but about how he was going to convince Sarah to stick with him. This was a troubling time for both, with her promising to always be faithful to him. They ended up attending a gathering one Sunday. The church was so small the congregation couldn’t afford anything but a lay preacher. Bert had taken classes learning public speaking and oratory while in school. Right now, he is going to school and is going to be ordained a minister by next spring. He wants Sarah by his side as his wife when that takes place.
“That is why I am back up here in Vermont asking you to divorce Sarah. Bert is good. The congregation has grown under his lay ministry, and has merged twice already with other congregations. It is now the biggest church in the area and promises to get bigger.”
“Does the congregation that he preaches to know that the woman he is living with isn’t his wife? Or that this woman has a husband she has abandoned taking his child with her?”
“No they don’t. It isn’t all her fault either. It was me that made Bert and Sarah leave here. The promise I made you aside, I was worried you would get violent when you found out Bert and Sarah had bought drugs and were having sex again after they had made a promise to abstain. They promised both you and me. I also made the decision that Junior should be with his mother, so I made her take him with us that night when we left. I must say I couldn’t leave the little fellow either.
“I came to look on him as my son. The night we left we went to Johnson’s pasture. Sarah went wild. She was meat for the grinder. I moved all of us out of there as soon as I could. I could see at that time Junior was never going to be safe to be left alone with Sarah if she continued the path she was on. I became mother to your son that night. I have been his mother ever since. I think I have been a very good one.”
“I think you have. Peggy Brant has written me that you have been. That is why I didn’t go and get him after I found out where you were living. Does Junior know who his real mother is?”
“Yes. At least once a week I would get him dressed and say, ‘We are going to visit your mother.’ He calls her mother, but he doesn’t look on Sarah as if she is. I’m Mom to him just like I am to Robin. He refers to Bert as father. I have let Sarah handle that. I have also told him that he has a dad in Vermont. He was excited to think he was soon to see you and call you Dad. He is waiting right this minute to meet you and he's only five miles away.”
“What about the girl? Am I expected to be her Dad as well?”
“I wish you would be. Robin is only six and you will break her heart if you don’t. The two children have been brought up to be treated as brother and sister. I have let Robin call Sarah mother, even though there is no connection. There again, I’m her Mom and she knows the difference.”
“Do you want me to go with you when you get them?”
“Yes.”
I pondered this. “No, I think it would be better if they had a chance to see me sitting right here on the porch when you drive up. It will give us a minute to evaluate each other before we actually speak. I’m probably a pretty scary person to both right now.”
“You know you’re damned perceptive. I wouldn’t have thought of them being afraid of you.”
“I’m not thinking of them being afraid. It is just a new experience. Willow, I was thankful to have the time to look you over as you got out of the car and walked up here to the porch. Weren’t you glad to observe me the same way?”
“Yes, I guess I was.” She paused before asking, “Bill, will we be staying here tonight?”
“Of course and you are welcome. I’m sorry I didn’t think to ask you. Stay--stay as long as you like.”
“Thank you.” The mother of my two kids started down the steps. She stopped, returned, and came right up and hugged me. “You haven’t changed at all. You just have this thing about being kind to hippies, haven’t you? This one just happened to fall in love with you.” There were a few tears in her eyes when she reached her car.
It was me that was worried now. I knew that Junior wouldn’t remember me. How long would it take him to get familiar with me? There was the little girl. She was mine as well. Willow wanted the two to be treated equally. I could do that. It would be supper time when they arrived. What would I feed them? I wondered if they had tasted maple syrup. I would find out.
Willow drove in again two hours later. She sat talking with the kids before getting out. Robin had on a cute little dress and she looked so sweet. Junior had on a tee shirt and dungarees. The shirt and the cap he had on both had a Texas Ranger logo. Willow was urging them up the walk ahead of her. I met them at the top of the steps.
“Welcome son. You lived here many years ago and I’m glad to have you back home.” I shook his hand and he looked up into my face.
“Mom says you are my Dad and we will be staying here.”
“You certainly will be. Forever I hope. This is your sister, Robin. Hi there little girl. I’m your Daddy and I guess you and I are going to be doing all the things that daddies and little girls do together.” What I was saying sounded dumb in my ears, but I was new at this. Willow was smiling and I think she understood my dilemma.
I gave the kids the welcome. “Okay guys this is home. There are three bedrooms upstairs. Why don’t you go pick out which bedroom you want to sleep in. There is only one bathroom and that is off the living room. Go in and explore the whole house so you’ll know where everything is. Tomorrow we’ll do the barns and sheds where I used to keep the animals.”
The kids took off and we could hear them banging doors and climbing the stairs. “What about me, Bill? Do I get to pick a bedroom too?”
“Anyone you want.”
“What if I pick your room to sleep in?”
I gave it some thought. I was getting rushed, but that was Willow. I answered her question by asking one of my own. “Are the kids used to waking up in the morning with a man in their mom’s bed?”
“No never.”
“Well maybe we hadn’t better shock them by changing what they are used to. I’m not saying it might not happen someday, but let’s see how this plays out for a bit.”
“I was just trying to determine what you expected of me. You know, I think you are going to make a great daddy. You thought of the kids before yourself.”
“Maybe it wasn’t that at all. I felt you were back to manipulating me like you did years ago. Willow, you are going to have to accept that there will be times when I will show I love you. There will be other times when it will seem as if I hate you. I still get angry, so if you stay, you will have to bear with me. I’ve had a lot of heartache and pain and I don’t want to go there again.”
“Fair enough. I think I know where we stand with each other. Bill, you can believe me or not, although I wish you would. I fell in love with you that week we were together. We have children together and we can be father and mother to them and I am hoping for more.”
“Willow, let’s just go slow. I will take the responsibility for the children. What is between us is going to take more time for me to decide if there is to be any us. You are prettier than you used to be, I’ll give you that, but there has to be more. We both have a lot of baggage and things could easily get screwed up.”
“What baggage do you have?”
“Come on, Willow, I’m married to Sarah, remember?”
“In name she is your wife, but you haven’t been her husband since before we left years ago. That is something you will have to get through your head. She just isn’t yours anymore. The question is, will you divorce her as Bert has asked?”
“Yes. I’ll see a lawyer Monday and get the paperwork started.”
“Good.” Willow handed me a card. “This is the attorney she is using. Sarah will pay all the court costs and give you custody of Junior. Have your lawyer contact Sarah’s attorney for the details. It would be best if the suit was initiated here. The people of New Mexico need know nothing about it.”
“Where is she getting the money to divorce me?”
“From Bert.”
“Fair enough.” I set about getting supper. I pulled some sliced pork from the refrigerator and whipped up some pancakes. I had a half gallon of fancy maple syrup that I opened and poured into a pitcher. The milk was fresh that morning from the farm up the road.
I put the platter of pork on the table and took the hot cakes off the griddle. Willow sat watching the children. Robin looked at the sliced meat. “I don’t like bacon. It tastes like smoke.”
Willow explained. “It isn’t bacon. It comes from the same part of the animal, but it is what we call uncured and isn’t smoked like bacon. I haven’t had any since I lived here before. You’ll love it. See how sweet it tastes. It just melts in your mouth. Where on earth did you find it, Bill?”
“It is rarely found in the grocery store. They had some in a few days ago. It comes in chunks and I had it sliced bacon thin before bringing it home. Just in time. It is as if someone knew you were going to be here.” Robin had never had maple syrup before and loved it. Willow bragged that she used to help make it right here on the farm. Robin looked at her mother with wonder.
Supper was a feast for me and all of it wasn’t food. I mean there was a beautiful lady sitting across from me with two kids, both I had fathered. I didn’t know what the future would bring, but for the first time in a long, long, time I was happy.
There was one little thing that bothered me. This came to mind as I was lying in bed that night. It was Bert and Willow Smith. I don’t mean the name, I mean the unit--the couple--the marriage. I hadn’t heard that either had divorced the other. Oh yeah, and Robin. She was supposedly sired by me. Would I have to adopt her? There just hadn’t been time for Willow and Bert to divorce before the baby was born, as neither had a residence. It had to be his name on the birth certificate. I was being manipulated again. I just knew it.
Willow realized that I wasn’t quite as friendly toward her in the morning. I couldn’t help myself. I mentioned what was bothering me. Willow went to her suitcase and showed me Robin’s birth certificate. I couldn’t have been more surprised. Under father--William Loomis, Senior.
The kids, they were a joy and they crawled right into my heart. I missed seven years of my son’s growing up and I was going to make up for it. I promised swimming later in the afternoon. I wondered what I was thinking when Willow came out in a two-piece suit. God she was a vision. I guess women of the Southwest wore briefer suits than I was accustomed to seeing.
When I got her alone for a minute, I asked, “Willow, when did you and Bert get your divorce?”
She swung around and looked at me. “We didn’t. We were never married.”
“All the time you were here, you weren’t married?”
“No. Remember we were hippies and hippies didn’t get married.”
“What is your name, then. I saw Bert’s driver’s license and know his name is Smith.”
“Mine is Smith too. Smith is the most common name in the United States. We just paired up and let people assume we were married. I’ll tell you how we met sometime.”
“Is your name Willow?”
“That is my middle name given to me when I was born. I don’t use my first name.”
“Let me get this straight. You were both born with the name Smith?”
“That’s right.”
I doubted what Willow was telling me. “I guess I would have to see some papers before I believe you. God only knows what the truth is about you. I don’t anymore. I want to believe you, but you have to remember what I have lost and the pain I have borne in the last several years. A person I befriended ran off with my wife. My son went with them, and I suspect that it was because of you that they ran away.”
“You are right. I don’t know as I can ever explain my reasoning so you can follow and believe me. Bill, I’m going to tell you the biggest reason. I fell in love with you. I mean this was before you took me by the hand and led me to your bedroom. All the crap about sharing was a bunch of bull as far as I was concerned. I wanted you and I wanted you for myself. I still want you. I think I have paid my dues too, and want you to feel the same way.
“Where do you think Junior would be if I had left him for Sarah to care for? Junior was yours and I loved him because he was a part of you. I hate to say it, but Sarah was a total slut and didn’t care about anyone. The only thing that has saved Sarah is the love that Bert had and still has for her. She has finally come to love him in the same way and that is why I’m still involved with them. I didn’t realize it when we first left here, but before my baby was born I knew I wasn’t really a part of Bert’s love life anymore.
“That is why I broke off from Sarah and Bert and got my own place and made a home for your kids. I knew someday I would come back to you. It is time Junior knew his real father and it is time Robin knew she had one. My plan was to come here this summer. Bert’s request made it possible.”
Willow was so earnest, I had to believe some of what she was telling me. I could see the kids coming back from the barn. I was still having the hay cut and stored and they had been climbing on the bales. I hurriedly said, “We have a lot of talking to do. For the moment, Willow, I’m glad you are here. It is time to go over to the West River and go swimming.”
“Deyo’s?”
“That would be fine.” I never knew why the spot we were headed for was named that, but it was easy to get to and right next to the highway. I didn’t want to take the kids to Williamsville as that had become a place where the hippies swam and they were usually nude. Years ago it had been a place a family could go to, but not anymore.
I made a phone call that evening. “Stella, your grandson is back home living with me again. Sarah did not return and I’m instituting a divorce complaint against her at her own behest. One of the conditions is that I have full custody of our son and again this is agreeable. I would very much like to have you become a part of your grandson’s life. However there is one condition. He has a sister that is three years younger than him. They have been raised as sister and brother and I would want no difference in affection shown to the two of them.”
“Is the child Sarah’s?”
“No. The child belongs to the woman that has had total care of Junior all of these years.”
“Who is the father then?”
“For all intents and purposes, I am. The child is a sweet little person and I just met her two days ago. She and the mother will be living here with me along with Junior. I can’t split the children up because they have always been a family.”
“Where is Sarah living?”
“A small town in New Mexico. She is asking for the divorce because she wants to marry the man she is living with. There is no hope of us ever getting back together, so I am following her wishes. I haven’t spoken to her and I have only had contact through the woman who brought my son and his sister home to me. If you are interested and want to find out more about Sarah, I’m sure she would be willing to tell you about her.”
“Of course I want to hear about her. I only shut Sarah out of my life because of the sympathy I have had for you. I still don’t understand how she could do this to you. You have always been so generous in treating me as your mother-in-law. When can I see Junior?”
“I’m working tomorrow. If you would like to come for supper on Friday evening, you can meet the children and the woman who is responsible for them being here. I would ask you to come sooner, but I want to get to know Junior again myself. I wish that Pete could have met his grandson before passing on.”
“I know. One more thing that Sarah must bear as a burden. I’ll see you Friday. Bill, thank you so much for thinking of me. I love you.”
I turned to Willow as I hung up the phone and grinned. “I think you heard most of the conversation, didn’t you? She does tend to speak very loud.”
“I did. Bill, you sidestepped a couple of issues didn’t you? The parentage of Robin being one of them, and my relationship to you as the other.”
“Yes, but you must remember you are part of the reason Sarah went away. Let Mrs. Burns get used to you so she can see how much Junior loves you as his mother. Time enough to explain someday. You might tell Stella only the good things about her daughter.”
“I can do that. Sarah is doing much in the church, so that part won’t be difficult.”
I was comfortable with having Willow in the house. The kids adored her as they should and were coming to feel the same way about me. We reminisced a lot about things that happened during the time she was staying here seven years ago. We kept away from talking about what led up to her leaving as she did.
Willow was a part of my life now so I called the lady who did my housecleaning, saying I had a woman living in. “I hope she is young and pretty. You need someone, Bill.” That was the only comment I received.
All week the kids were getting used to their new home. They were always waiting for me when I came home from the factory. I had contacted my attorney and he in turn had called Sarah’s. He would have papers to mail out within a week for Sarah to sign. It would still be six months before everything was finalized and I would be free of a wife. At that time Sarah would be free to marry Bert.
The supper date with my mother-in-law didn’t go exactly as planned. It started off well enough, but during the conversation, Junior let on that his other mother had someone that she lived with and he was commanded to call him father. Stella made nothing of it at the time, but stayed late into the evening. The children went to bed and then the questions began about the true state of her daughter’s living arrangements.
By midnight Mrs. Burns knew most everything about what had transpired seven years ago. It was building up to who was Robin’s father. “I am, Stella. I wasn’t aware that the child was mine until Willow came back last week. I love the child already.”
“And when are you going to make an honest woman out of Willow? There are too many women having babies without fathers. I think it should be rectified as soon as possible.”
I was on the spot. “I’m still married to Sarah. I don’t want to get into more entanglements until this one is cleared up.”
“Smart, Bill, but sometimes it isn’t always wise to do the smart thing. From what has been said tonight, I think Willow has been a good mother for my grandson. You should make it permanent.”
She started to rise and was ready to leave. “It’s late, and I think I should go along home. Luck Bill, and luck to you too, Willow.”
As her car disappeared, I said to Willow, “I think my mother-in-law likes you.”
“It would appear so.”
Chapter Three
It was two weeks later that I received a letter from Sarah. Dear Bill. I received the divorce papers and have signed them and they are on the way back to your attorney. Would you thank Willow for arranging this for me? I guess you must have a family again with Willow, Junior, and Robin together with you. Sorry about leaving you like I did years ago. I don’t regret it a bit, although you probably hate me. I had some wonderful times, most of them you wouldn’t want to know about. Willow certainly helped me by taking Junior off my hands while I was otherwise occupied.
Strange isn’t it that you would end up with a kid by her. She wanted one by you and that set the whole program in play. When I went to bed with Bert the first time, I had been smoking pot. I felt so wonderful and free. It wasn’t just the roach either. I was able to let myself go and do things with him that I would have been ashamed to even suggest doing with you.
I’m sure you know about Bert and his church activities. He’s good, I’ll say that for him. He brings in a lot of money as well. Bert doesn’t need it, because his grandfather still sends him a check every month. By the way, Bert’s grandfather was asking after Willow. I gave him your address and said that is where she is living now.
I get kind of sick of this holy talk all the time, but I don’t let Bert know that I do. He certainly got me out of shoveling cow shit in Vermont and I’ll stick with him. He wants to get married in the spring and we probably will. Being married has more advantages than not. I’m kind of glad I can’t have any more babies. It does give a woman a certain freedom. Forget I said that!
Bill I do remember you fondly. You treated me very well considering, but I think your dreams and happiness would have come from someone other than me, even if I had stayed true longer than I did. Maybe I was looking for a chance to get away from the farm work. Maybe my love wasn’t as deep for you as yours was for me. We’ll never know. Say hi to Junior, and yes, to Robin as well. She is a cute little girl.
Just a note about the future. Bert has been asked to start broadcasting a program on the radio. Maybe someday he will be as famous as Oral Roberts. I suppose I will have to behave myself even more than I do now if we are in the public eye. Regards, your soon-to-be ex-wife, Sarah.
I read this and wondered if Bert really had Sarah in hand. She didn’t come right out and say otherwise, but what she said, could be taken in different ways. I was glad that our divorce was now awaiting completion.
Summer was a time of joy for me. The two kids called me Daddy and Willow was Mom. We were a family. Willow and I were circumspect in our actions around each other. We were going to make love--it just hadn’t happened yet. My mother-in-law was often included in our outings. We went swimming, had picnics and went up to the White Mountains for one of the weeks I was on vacation. As the fall approached and school was imminent, we went to both the Wilmington and the Guilford fairs.
Willow looked up old friends that were still in the area and we had them in. Many were married now and had started families of their own. I was to get my final divorce papers by the middle of January. It seemed like a long time to wait for something that was almost in effect, but was just out of reach. Willow was a part of me now.
On Halloween, Junior and Robin were staying overnight at Stella’s house. Robin was going trick or treating with some of my mother-in-law’s neighbors and then come back and pass out treats to the older kids that came to her door. Junior was old enough to go out alone if he was in by nine o’clock.
I knew we wouldn’t have any kids come way out here, and I made sure the porch light was off. “Pancakes for supper tonight? I was able to buy pork on the way home today.”
“Sure, but let me get it. You know this is the first time we have really been alone since I came back. I think it is time we should talk about our future. Mine anyway. Years ago I laughed at women who wanted to settle down, get married and have children. I’ve changed my mind. You probably think I’m manipulating you by bringing up the future, but I need to know where I stand with you.”
“Fair enough. We do need to talk. Would you like to do it in the living room or after we eat in the kitchen over coffee?”
It was a declaration that came forth. “I would prefer it to be in your bed. I made it up fresh today with clean sheets.”
I was ready for this. I stood, going to her, I enveloped her with my arms as she melted into mine. I did make one cautionary note. “Okay, that sounds fine, but I can remember the last time we talked in my bed. I think that was the worst day of my life when I woke up. You will be here in the morning won’t you?”
“Yes Bill. I will be here and for as long as you will have me.”
In the morning I opened my eyes and she was still there. “Bill, can we talk now? I want to tell you why I’m finally feeling as if I’m home. That’s for now. I want to tell you how I arrived here without holding anything back. There is a lot to tell you and I suppose some of it won’t make much sense to you.
“You have never heard me speak about my parents. I believe they are still alive, but I have never checked to make sure. I will someday. What I’m going to be telling you involves Bert in a big way and also Bert’s grandfather. It goes back almost seventeen years when I ran away from home.”
“This is your home Willow, and you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“You’ll get it all, I promise. I should start with my name. It is Roberta. Roberta Willow Smith. My parents are upper middle class and reaching for upper-class. They’ll never make it. Anyway, growing up, I was always supposed to act superior to my friends and suck up to those that, according to Mom, were higher class. I hated it. Mom was always inviting these people to dine with us, but she couldn’t see that they looked down on us. She couldn’t see it, but I could.
“Not only that, she was always pushing me to date the sons of these people. Those sons wanted only one thing. I got pregnant when I was fifteen and somehow my father arranged an abortion. That was why I thought I couldn’t get pregnant again. It was one of the most hateful things to go through and I hated my parents because of it. Mom and Dad backed off for more than a year and then they were back suggesting I date some particular rich boy again. I refused and things were pretty strained for months between us.
“Enter a guru that Mom met at some upper-class doings. You know one of those people who wanted you to go around saying, ‘omm, omm,’ close your eyes, and look heavenward. You had to have a one word mantra that you sang over and over. Mom signed me up with the sons and daughters of the group she was trying to get entrance into. Bert was one of the boys. We both laughed about the foolishness of it all and then went about screwing each other every chance we could.
“This was all cover for this guru. What he really wanted was to be screwing the kids himself. And I might add the younger the kids were, the better. Bert and I talked it over and the only person we thought we could tell about it was his grandfather. Gramp Smith is quite rich and has a lot of power in the politics of the town we lived in. He wanted Bert out of the group before the shit hit the fan. He went to my parents and they fell all over themselves agreeing to anything he stipulated.
“I lived with Bert and his grandfather until I finished high school and then we came up here to Vermont and went to college. Grandfather Smith has paid for it all. Of course he thought Bert would marry me and have children to carry on the Smith name. He has been sadly disappointed in both of us. Me, especially, when I cut loose from Bert when he became so enamoured with Sarah. Gramp was disappointed, but he likes me and looks on me as a granddaughter he never had.
“He is the one that paid my bills while I was living in New Mexico. I was feeling terribly guilty and when I headed here a few months ago, I wrote to him and explained that I was in love with the father of my little girl and was coming back here. I have thanked him profusely for everything he did for me over the years. I received a thank you back saying he understood. This was both for all the years I had stood by Bert and for taking money for only the basic needs to support myself. He really is a great person. Someday I hope we can go visit him and thank him in person.”
“We will. I feel closer to you than I ever have. Closer than I did to Sarah even. I feel as if I can have some trust in someone again. ”
“You really mean that? Bill, a few months ago you said you didn’t know if you could ever trust a woman enough to be happy again. Are you saying you trust me?”
“I’m working on it.”
I had worked at the factory long enough so I could command some extra time off. I had now been working there for sixteen years. Thanksgiving was coming up. I used to take time off to go deer hunting that week, but now with the kids and Willow living here, I just wanted to relax. Over the years I had worked my way from machine operator to production assistant and finally up to shift foreman. This was a salaried position and although I might sometimes have to work more than my own shift, it rarely happened.
I had the whole week off. Sunday evening Willow received a phone call. I took it, listening to a man’s voice ask if Willow Smith lived at this address. I said she did. I handed the phone over. She squealed with happiness when he identified himself. At first I was curious, and then as the call approached an hour in length, I was becoming upset.
When she hung up Willow announced, “I have invited Gramp Smith to take Thanksgiving with us. Oh, I’m so thrilled. You will just love him.” Then her face clouded over. “He tells me that Bert is having trouble with Sarah. Bert is ready to throw her out. Damn, I wonder what she did.”
“I can guess. The letter I received from her hinted that she might be less than faithful. He must have caught her with another man. I hope this doesn’t throw a wrench into our being divorced. We still have two months to go.”
Gramp Smith drove up from Hartford in a rented vehicle Monday afternoon. Willow threw her arms around him and hugged and kissed him. This was something that the kids had never seen their mother do with anyone. We hadn’t progressed to the stage of showing affection in front of them yet. “I guess you are glad to see me.” He turned to me. “You must be Bill. You are the one that is stealing my girl away. Well it had to happen. If you are half as good as Willow tells me you are, I’m okay. I’m Steven by the way. Call me Steve.”
I took to the 70-year-old man. Maybe he was rich, but he sure didn’t act it. I thought that the kids would have met him, but it was explained that he always stayed with Bert when he visited his grandson. Willow went to see him alone when he was there.
The kids tagged along while I showed him the farm. I knew he loved his grandson, and I showed him the small orchard Bert had helped plant when he was living here almost eight years ago. There were seven apple trees, three peach, two pear, and three different plum. There were also some berry patches I had kept from growing wild.
The strawberries I faithfully transplanted so I would have berries every year. I also had a few grape vines. The rhubarb patch was already planted before Sarah and I bought the place. “This must be a lot of work for one person.”
“It is, but now that Willow is here, she works hard at it. Junior has taken an interest and pitched right in this summer. Robin picked the fruit and helped Willow process it. The extra we sold to the vegetable stand that you passed coming up Route 9. Next year we may get a booth at the Farmer’s Market.”
“You say Bert helped with this when he was here?”
“Some, but not as much as Willow. She was always right beside me doing the digging and the planting. Bert was most often in the house with Sarah.” Steve thought he understood. But then I had to be fair. “Bert bought the trees with money you sent him. We each had our own chores. It wasn’t until the last winter that things went wrong.”
I sent the kids in to see how Willow was coming along. Now I could talk more freely. “I don’t blame this all on Bert and Sarah. Willow has had her own agenda. In some ways she double-crossed both Bert and me. Just to show you what kind of position I am in, Willow brought the kids home in June. I didn’t take her to bed until three weeks ago. It has taken me that long to begin to trust her. She admitted she was the one to push Bert and Sarah together. It still makes me angry to think about it, but damn it, I have deep feelings for her too. We have talked about it. I have half-way promised to make her my wife, but really I’m taking it one day at a time.”
I paused and knew we would be having to go inside soon as it was cold. “In a way, Willow and I are from two different cultures. She is a hell of a lot more a free spirit than I am. She is better educated. Whether that has anything to do with it I don’t know. Me, everything I have attained, I have to struggle for. I only have a high school education. I have gone as high as I’m ever going to where I work. Also my father taught me that my word was my bond.
“My wife broke hers, but I didn’t break mine until I needed a measure of revenge. I coupled with Willow to get that. It was the hardest decision I ever made and wondered if the pain that followed wasn’t some of my own fault. I felt I had compromised myself. I have lied to Willow in one thing. I told her that I had dated some when Sarah left me, but I haven’t.”
“So you have been without a woman for seven years?”
“Sexually, that’s correct. I will say that I have had my pipes cleaned out in the last three weeks by Willow. I don’t know yet if sleeping with Willow again is wise or not. I have come to need and want her though. I think I’m getting to the point where I can trust a woman again. She certainly lets me know how she feels about me.”
Steve was quiet as we headed back to the house. “Bill, you are an unusual individual. I think you will make the right decision about Willow. I understand some of what went on years ago. She has mentioned how guilty she feels about it. Too bad there was so much pain involved for all of you. Sarah seems to be the one who has sailed through this without any problems plaguing her and has been enjoying herself the most.”
Later that evening after the kids were in bed, Steve brought up the problem between Sarah and Bert. He was speaking first to Willow. “I don’t think Sarah has stepped outside of their relationship yet, but she is a person who needs a lot of attention. That seems to be the root of the problem, but I don’t know everything and sometimes Bert seems to be hiding something from me.
“While Bert is working with his church and the new broadcasting that is coming up, Sarah is lonely and turning to others. It was fine when Willow was there to advise her. I’m sure you were the one that kept her in line. Sarah even jokes about how you bullied her.
“I came up here to see if Willow would go back and keep things together. I can see that she wouldn’t want to now. Bill, you don’t owe my grandson and Sarah anything. In fact I think they owe you. I would appreciate it if you have any idea of how I can prevent a blowup?”
Willow spoke up. “I made a mistake once. I fell in love with Bill and I didn’t stay and fight for him. Sarah was lost to him months before he was aware she wasn’t his anymore. I suppose it was guilt that made me leave. This is my home now and I can’t allow anything to disrupt me. Think--I haven’t had a real home since I was a little girl. I’ve always been made to do the wishes of someone else. My Mom and Dad, Bert, you Gramp, and especially Sarah, the irresponsible one. I’m here with my children and Bill. I’m set, if Bill will have me.”
Steve agreed. “I know Willow. I agree it would be too much. I do have to look after my grandson and I will do anything to have him have a good life. Well, think on it. I’m going to be here for a few days. Where am I sleeping tonight?”
“You have my room. I’ll crawl in with Robin. I’m going to stay with Bill for a little while and then move before morning.”
Something made me rouse up. It wasn’t daylight yet. I could feel a warm body on both sides of me. I turned on the light on the stand. Robin’s eyes were wide open and she was smiling at me. “I just knew you and Mommy were sleeping together sometimes. I used to sleep with her when I was a little girl. When I got lonely I still crawled in with her. Now I have two somebodies to crawl into bed with.”
“How come you knew where to find Mommy?”
“I went into Mom’s room and found that man in there. I went to Junior’s room and told him. He said Mom would be with you because people who love each other slept in the bed together even when they weren’t married. Do you love Mommy?”
“I do. Now go to sleep. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”
I turned over and there was Willow. “Got caught didn’t we? Oh well, it had to happen sometime.” She leaned to me and I kissed her.
“Mommy I love you. Daddy, can I have a kiss too?”
It was decided that Mrs. Burns should be invited for Thanksgiving. She came for the pie baking on Wednesday. Steve was pleased to meet her and said he had been with her daughter just a few short days ago. They went into the living room and it was Willow and I that ended up making the pies. We also made homemade rolls. Junior wanted one when they came out of the oven. We made him stop at three.
Steve took Stella home early and he planned on picking her up the next morning. While he was absent, Willow and I sat Robin and Junior down and explained that we loved each other, and if they didn’t mind, Willow and I would be sleeping in the same bed. Junior just grinned and shrugged. Robin had never had a father in her life, but now she did. She had a father just the same as her friends did. I had never had a little girl in my life either, and we found what was missing in each other. There would be a lot of mornings I would be waking up the same as this morning.
Thanksgiving was a happy little gathering. The food was superb and Stella apologized for not helping more, but Steve was telling her all about Sarah. Steve admitted to us that he wasn’t aware of what the specific problems between Bert and Sarah were. I suggested that maybe Steve should call Bert, seeing as it was a holiday. If it came right, maybe Stella could say hi to Sarah.
The call went through. It was answered by Sarah and at first Steve couldn’t understand why she was crying. “Bert is having Thanksgiving with another woman. She is the woman that plans his itinerary since Willow went back to Vermont. They have been carrying on for months and I didn’t know. I think he is ready to dump me for her.” She then burst into tears. “I’m so alone. No one loves me anymore. Willow left me and took my son back to Bill.” More tears.
“Just a minute, Sarah. Would you like to talk to Willow? I’m spending the holiday with them in Vermont. This is where I’m calling from.”
“Will she have time for me? She’s staying with Bill and I know how she feels about him.” Steve handed the phone to Willow.
“Of course I have time. Sarah tell me all of your troubles.” The call lasted two hours. Just before it ended, “Sarah, your mother is here for Thanksgiving with us. She is anxious to say hello.”
Before the call was over, it had been planned that someday Sarah would be flying into Hartford, CT. Either Willow or Stella would pick her up and she would stay with her mother. I can’t say I was too happy about this. I feared somehow this was going to upset things for me again.
Steve realized what I was thinking. “Be strong, Boy. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Remember Sarah owes you, not the other way around. Willow loves you enough to stand at your side. I don’t think you should let Sarah back into your life.”
“Easy for you to say, but she is Junior’s mother.”
“She is, but it is Willow who has mothered him most of his life. I’m going to be here another three days and I want to talk about your future and what I can do to help you.”
“Bill, would you come get me? I’m at Bradley Airport in Hartford.” This was nine in the morning on Saturday.
“I didn’t expect you this soon. Willow and the kids are shopping in Keene.”
“I know, but I’m here. Through some cancellations I was able to make flight connections. Bert and I had a terrible row when he came in Thanksgiving evening. It ended up with him telling me to get out of his life. I know I was coming here sometime, but I need to see Willow. She will tell me what I should do. I suppose I shouldn’t expect any sympathy from you after leaving you the way I did. Please come get me.”
“Okay, but it’ll be almost two hours.”
“I don’t care, as long as you are coming for me.”
Sarah was standing outside waiting when I pulled up at the terminal. She looked good. She was dressed much better than when she had lived with me. The coat she had on--well I’m glad I didn’t have to buy it for her. She had only one overnight bag and she swung that into the back of my pickup before she got in. “It’s cold. I had forgotten the temperature in New England at this time of year. Bill, thank you for coming. I wondered if you would.” Fearing rejection, Sarah kept the conversation to a minimum.
I didn’t say anything and put the truck in motion. What could you say to someone who you had last seen seven and a half years ago? Someone who had trashed your marriage for a life of hedonism. Did she expect to be welcomed with open arms? It was going to be a long ride home. “Bill, we can talk later. I couldn’t sleep on the plane, so if you don’t mind, I’ll curl up and nap until we get home.” I wanted to ask what she meant by home, but decided to let it slide.
I parked in front of Stella’s house and woke up Sarah. There were two cars parked in the driveway and I recognized one as the one that Steve was driving. I carried Sarah’s bag to the door and rang the bell. Sarah was objecting about staying here with her mother.
“You can’t stay with me. You and I are getting a divorce, remember? Willow will want to see you sometime, but you can call her from here.” Just then Stella came to the door and I handed over the bag, leaving Sarah facing her mother.
Willow and the kids hadn’t got home yet. I knew they were Christmas shopping, so wasn’t too surprised. It was almost three when I heard a car pull up. It was Steve’s car first and Willow was right behind him. The kids were all excited about the things they and Willow had purchased to give to me for Christmas. They told me all about it and went to hide their packages. Steve seemed uneasy.
I told Willow that I had picked Sarah up at the airport and left her at Stella’s house. I turned to Steve and asked, “Were they glad to see each other?”
“Hard to say. They were shouting at each other, but I think I may have been the cause of it. Actually, Sarah caught her mother and me in a pretty compromising situation. Oh she couldn’t tell for sure, but Stella was drying her hair when she came to the door and I was just getting out of the shower.” Steve looked sheepish.
I burst out laughing. Willow looked back and forth between us and then she did too. He defended himself. “Stella is a fine woman. I know she is more than ten years younger than me, but she was willing and it has been awhile for both of us. She had no idea she would have company because she didn’t expect Sarah until next week. I think I had better leave in the morning.”
“No, you haven’t found out anything about Bert have you? Why he kicked Sarah out, I mean.”
“No.”
“You know I don’t know any details, but just from the little Sarah has said, I think it was Bert that has found other interests and it isn’t her. I thought all along it would be Sarah, but that is probably because of what she did to me. Wait until we get all of the details. I know from your actions, you thought Willow was better for Bert than Sarah, but maybe the reverse is true.”
I was only making an observation, but Willow didn’t see it that way. “Bill, are you taking up for Sarah now?”
“I’m not taking up for anyone. You, Bert and Sarah didn’t treat me very well. Among yourselves you might possibly treat each other the same way. Willow, get supper. Put together enough for all of us including Stella and Sarah.” I spoke kind of sharp. I thought--here we go again! I was tempted to tell everyone to go to hell. But then there were the two kids. I certainly wasn’t going to ask them to leave. And Willow--she looked so crushed when I spoke so sharp just now. I shook my head and went to the phone to extend the invitation to my wife and Stella.
Stella came to the phone. “Bill, I’m so embarrassed. Sarah has been screaming at me that I’m no better than she is. What did Steve tell you about me?”
“Just that you were two lonely people that found a little joy in each other for the moment.”
“I guess that covers it. He really is a nice man. What did you call about?”
“I want you and Sarah here for supper. She should say hi to Junior as soon as possible. After the two children are in bed, I want to say a few things. Christ, I was happier before Willow came last summer than I am now. Now I have to deal with the same problems as I did seven years ago. Somehow, I’m going to get things settled tonight.”
“I’ll make sure that Sarah is with me.”
I turned around and Willow had been listening. “You don’t mean you would ask me to leave do you?”
“I don’t want to, but I’m not going to have my life in so much turmoil again. I have a difficult job at work and I have to have things stable at home.”
“I’m sorry about this.” Willow went back to the kitchen. She had felt that she was on the way to being happy with me. Now she didn’t know.
Steve glanced at me. “I’m sorry about this too. If there is any way I can help, let me know.”
Stella and Sarah came in. Both hugged Willow. Junior spoke to his mother, just saying hi. Robin went to Sarah and shyly said the same. Sarah then went to Steve and called him Gramps and hugged him tightly. She turned to me. “Bill, may I?” while coming toward me. I took her into my arms as she clung to me. She said just barely over a whisper, “Do you still have the paddle? I think I agreed to being paddled and I deserve it now more than I did then.” Why did she bring that up now? It was if she was making light of all that had happened. She pulled away and went to the other side of the room.
She stood beside Willow. They still were of a same size. More now than before as Sarah was almost gaunt whereas before she was more rounded. Both were still as pretty. Sarah had an adult look about her that I didn’t remember, and she had a sadness that was new to me. Too bad. In comparison, Willow had a sparkle and looked happier overall, if you could discount the look of concern that was on her face.
The conversation was general. Junior asked about Bert and was told that he was doing well. Sarah told Junior that Bert was broadcasting live from a radio station on Sunday mornings now. He did some traveling, searching for themes for his sermons. His strong point was true to life stories related by people that wanted to share how God had come into their lives.
Sarah declared how much she had missed Willow and the two kids when they left her last June. She was so happy to be reunited again. Also she said she felt as if she was home, for this was where she grew up with her mother and mentioned me as being part of her at that time. She was staring at me when she said this. Willow’s face clouded over immediately and now she was the one looking intently at me. The two women were again jealous of each other.
Up until this time I really didn’t know what I was going to say, other than I was displeased at the situation I was being put in. I walked back to the kitchen and poured the last cup of coffee that was in the pot. This gave me time to think.
“I said I wanted to say a few words. It may be more than a few. First I work in a factory. What you might not be aware of is that nineteen out of twenty-five of my crew are women. They all have problems and they often bring them to work. To keep the peace sometimes I have to go behind the obvious to figure out what is bothering them.
“I have had time to think today about my own problems. I have two kids by two different women. In one way or another you both have done me wrong by following your own agendas. Sarah, you wanted to get high, get screwed and forget all about the vows you made to me. You were thinking, never mind Bill, he can screw someone else while I’m doing this. Thinking, Willow can take care of my son, and she wants Bill.
“Willow, you looked at Sarah’s husband and with your own admission, you set out to get me. So you got Sarah out of the way by putting her with Bert. I suspect you wouldn’t have left if you knew you were pregnant by me. You took care of Sarah’s child, knowing that someday I would thank you for it. Fair trade in your mind, wasn’t it? At first it didn’t work out, but eventually maybe, when you came back to Vermont last summer, you were right on track. You also had more to offer.
“Okay, now I’m going to look behind the scenes. I think my whole problem lies with Steve Smith.” There was a clamor of disbelief. “Hold on, let me finish and explain my reasoning. Willow was an unhappy, spoiled little kid that rebelled against parental authority. She ended up being a friend of the guy that was temporarily in the same situation. Along comes a rich old Grampa and sends them off to school with all the money they will ever need. Freedom to do whatever their heart and body desires.
“Bert and Willow, not really ready to settle down, decide to play at being adults, by wowing a woman and man with their education and obvious unending resources, and seduce them to a new way of living. They walk in and tear up a good stable family. But the man puts up conditions that aren’t met. Willow knows immediately that all is lost for the time being, but she knows that through the children, she has some hope of still making her agenda work.
“She doesn’t worry about finances because good old Gramp Smith is footing the bill and he is also footing the bill for Sarah, the guy’s wife. Willow has her home paid for and Sarah is ensconced in a cushy living arrangement with the grandson. Neither woman has shown much inclination of making a life for themselves by finding productive work. Why should they? I mean the checks are still arriving on time.
“But things are changing. Bert, who is key to the checks coming, has finally got his feet on the ground and has found his life’s work. Willow is the first to break loose and head back to Vermont with the guy’s two kids. Hey, she’ll crawl into the guy’s bed and be set for life just as she planned years ago. And she thinks that is going to happen. Me, I wasn’t so excited about it when she first arrived, but I can see if I want some of what is offered, I have to take the whole package.
“That’s fine until Sarah finds out that Bert, her ticket to the good life she has had for the last seven years, is not as enamored with her as she thought he was. What can she say? She is someone else' wife and has no real hold on him except she has kept his bed warm. So Sarah heads back to Vermont as well. Not only that, Gramp money-bags shows up too. Three or four days later, he seduces the guy’s mother-in-law, I think because he appears to be a nice old guy and no one will find out about it. Pretty cozy isn’t it, except it causes a rift between mother and daughter.
“I should kick all of your asses out of my life. If it wasn’t for the children, I might. But I love them, so I suppose for a time things are going to be unsettled in the Loomis household. I’ll tell you this, the kids aren’t going anywhere and I will go to court and fight for them if I have to. What this boils down to is I’m going to think of myself for a little bit and to hell with the rest of you. I guess I’m about done here. You think over what I have said and tomorrow afternoon I’ll listen to what each of you has to say.”
Stella was getting ready to leave. Sarah was making no motion to go with her.
“I’ll walk you out to your car, Stella.” I grabbed my coat and went out with her. I slid into the passenger’s seat.
“What are you doing, Bill?”
“Oh, I forgot. I mentioned I was going to think of myself for a bit. I’m sleeping with you tonight. I might as well mix up things more than they are now.”
“Bill, what are you saying? You can’t do that.”
“Stella, haven’t you ever wondered what kind of a lover I am? Wouldn’t you like to prove you are as desirable as your daughter?”
“Sure, but that was just a fantasy. What about Willow?”
“Willow thinks she has me right where she wants me. Let her wonder if she has, so let’s live out our fantasies.” I paused and then said, “Or make others think that we did.”
I heard a giggle from the opposite side of the car. “Okay, you’re on.” Stella’s phone was ringing when we went into her house. She picked it up and answered the obvious question. “Bill is sleeping with me tonight. He didn’t have a place in his own home so I made my bed available. Leave us alone and don’t call again.” Three quarters of an hour later the door bell rang almost steady for five minutes before whoever it was gave up and left.
It was a subdued group when Stella and I arrived back at the farm Sunday. Yes, a call had been accepted at nine and we did make it for dinner. The kids wanted to know why I had spent the night in Gramma Burns’ house and Stella answered for me. “Your Dad wanted to let Sarah and Willow talk about what has been happening recently. They slept together last night so they could talk.”
Steve was as curious as the two women as to what bed I had slept in, but he didn’t have the cajones to ask. After dinner, we all sat in the living room. The kids were included. I felt this was fair. I had got over the need for more recriminations and any unpleasantness wouldn’t have to be brought up.
Steve opened the conversation. “Bill, what you were saying last evening had a lot of truth to it. I will state this. Sarah and Willow have both benefited from the money I have extended because of Bert. But the women were never going to be cut off from my largess because Bert has moved on. I think too much of them to drop them now. I think the reason they returned to Vermont isn’t because of my money, but because of you.
“I recognize what a good man you are and they do too, and that is the only reason they came back. They want your children to grow up with your values and under your instruction. Something Willow didn’t have as a child and maybe Sarah forgot how important some values are. You are a thinker. Tell me what you think can be done to improve your state of mind. If it is going to take money, then I’m here to help.”
It took me awhile to answer and then I didn’t directly at first. “The hippies have been around here for about fifteen years since the first ones arrived. They are, as a rule, better educated and able to think more freely than the natives. But the natives have a lot going for them as well. They are more stable and their lifestyles more solid. We are melding the two. There are more businesses starting up. The influx has brought better ideas and programs to our schools, and the services for all are better as well. All of this costs more which means higher taxes and that is the bitter with the sweet.
“If you want to help Sarah, finance her in learning to do something. There are a wealth of things she could do. She could be a Realtor, or a practical nurse or even learn to run a daycare center. Maybe not for children but for the disabled.” Sarah laughed when I said daycare, shaking her head no.
“There are all kinds of office and secretarial jobs out there. You get the point. She is thirty-two-years-old and hasn’t really done anything productive. It is time she forgot the past, I know I will. I’m not going to be part of her future either, so she will have to stand on her own.”
Steve was listening and I knew he would help Sarah in some capacity. I continued. “Willow is in a different situation. She is the mother of one and has mothered the other of my two kids. We have discussed my having her for a wife and that would be the best solution for all of us. I know that, but just sometimes I get angry when I feel I am being manipulated. How can I help not be, but I’ll also tell you, I don’t ever want to live alone again so don’t be discouraged. In another month and a half I will be divorced from Sarah, if she doesn’t change the plan. Sarah?”
“No, I’m not going to change it at all. You get sole custody of Junior and I’m asking for no support. I only want the chance to see him occasionally. More importantly, I want you to be my friend. Nothing more than that. Bill, you are a great person, but then again, I am making no apologies for what I did in the last seven years either. I have had more fun than disappointments. I was alive.” To each his own, I guess.
Steve jumped in again. “Bill, I know you have resented me and how I have spread my money around. There is one thing more. Twice, Willow has mentioned that she wants to have you build a small commercial kitchen here on the farm. She wants to bake bread and pies. You have berries, apples, peaches, plums and grapes for jellies and jams. She says she has a ready market down the road at the vegetable stand. Let me do this for you.”
“I guess it is okay. So are we all good after my rant last night?” We were.
I was married to Willow on the fifteenth of January. Yes, I asked her to be my wife and now we were planning on having a good stable future together. Junior was my best man and Sarah was Willow’s matron of honor. Stella and Steve were not present. They were on a cruise to the Bahamas. Nothing serious, I understand, just two friends.
I had cajoled Willow into reuniting with her parents. They were overjoyed to receive the invitation after so many years of not knowing where Willow was located. It had been twelve years since Willow had moved away from them. My own family came and stayed for a week with friends and with my niece and twin nephews staying with Junior and Robin here with me. There was no possibility for a honeymoon, but that would come.
Sarah, who continued living with her mother, signed up to take a course in selling real estate. There were not too many female agents selling, but Sarah said she was going to be the wave of the future. She just might be. Willow informed me in April that Steve had ordered an all stainless steel kitchen unit with ovens, stoves, refrigerators and freezers. I should have the separate building to put it in by June strawberry picking time. I still go to work everyday at the factory.
Stella is definitely part of the family. The surprise of me doing the unexpected by spending the night alone with her, woke everyone to the fact that I could still think for myself. I didn’t need to be manipulated--well maybe a little. I do have two kids and they have the how-to from day one..
The End
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