His, Her's, and Ours

His, Her's, and Ours

happyhugo

Romance

16,796 Words

copyright (C) 09/12/09

Readers score  6.37

Two school kids make the wrong choice on prom night.
Disowned by their parents, they try to make a life for
themselves. She makes a vow that keeps them apart
for years. Is their love strong enough to survive ...
and could they get back together?

Jacob’s Story

Julia White came into the ice cream shop/drugstore and applied for a job as a helper at the soda fountain. She was in my class in school, and although I knew who she was, I had never really had a conversation with her beyond “Hi.” I was the soda jerk and had been for all of last summer and throughout this my senior year. Summer was coming up again and that was why Julia was looking for a job.

She was nice looking with her long blonde hair and regular features. She still had to get rid of her baby fat. Hopefully she would slim down and not go on to add more weight. I considered her figure and decided that she wouldn’t have to lose much baby fat to become a beauty. Her breasts were not overly large, just about right for her frame, but they looked soft. She did have nice long legs and the cheeks of her butt were nice, but again looked soft. There was a lot of action both top and bottom when she moved around. Time would tell what kind of a woman she would turn into.

Mr. Burrows came up to me and asked if I knew Julia and I said I had seen her around. “Jake, I hired Julia to work with you on the soda fountain. See if you can get her trained before Easter next week. The place will be packed for the holiday. You are in charge and it will depend on you as to how much help she is to you.”

“Good, I need someone. Hi Julia, I’ll start by showing you where everything is before you will actually be making anything. We do get awfully busy at times. There isn’t much room and it is crowded back here behind the counter so we will be bumping into each other a lot. If we can get a routine down, that will make it easier.”

“Jake, I have never worked like this before so I’m bound to make some mistakes. I will try very hard and not make things too difficult for you.”

Julie, as she preferred to be called, did well and Easter was the easiest holiday I had ever had. That night at closing I complimented her on her efforts. She threw her arms around me and kissed me as a thank you. “Jake, you explain things so well and never get mad when I screw up. You didn’t even yell at me when I dumped the chocolate syrup in the marshmallow tub. This is going to be so much fun working with you this summer.”

That kiss sent me home thinking about Julie. What can I say? I was a horny teenager. I think Julie felt it too. For the first few times together after the kiss, we tried to avoid bumping into each other behind the counter. Then we were back to---if we bumped---okay so what. Then Julie started bumping into me on purpose and we made a game out of it. By the middle of May we were hugging and kissing regularly.

I carried condoms to the Senior Prom but never expected I would get a chance to use them. I didn’t expect to get drunk either and neither did Julie. Someone spiked the punch bowl at the dance and then we went parking afterward. A buddy of mine in the next car said he had some extra beer and I could have the balance of a twelve pack. I said no, but Julie disagreed and went over to his car and brought it back with her.

Two beers apiece later, we had got beyond fumbling and were getting down to business. Julie was hot and needy. I was having difficulty getting the cellophane off the condom and when I did, I couldn’t manage to get it on. “Jake forget the damn thing and just put your thing in me. You can pull out when you get too close.”

I had good intentions, but I couldn’t pull out with Julie’s legs wrapped tight around me. Especially when she said, “Don’t stop. You’ll leave me hanging. I need you in me.”

Julie informed me she had missed her period on graduation day. She went to the doctor and he confirmed that she really was pregnant and a week later we had to tell our parents. Talk about a war that this started. The Whites wanted Julie to have an abortion. My folks, the Hansons, agreed with them. We both were screamed at and of course my parents blamed Julie and her parents blamed me. Then they each tried bribes by promising to send us off to college if we would do as they asked.

I wanted to marry Julie and Julie wanted to marry me. Over everyone’s objection that is just what we did. Mr. Burrows, our boss, was the only one that seemed to care about the predicament we were in. He moved me off the soda fountain and into the stockroom for the drugstore which paid a little more money. He found a place for Julie in the office.

The situation made us grow up fast. Every cent we had went towards living expenses. We figured and figured and again Mr. Burrows came through with a place for us to set up housekeeping. He found us a small mobile home in one of the local parks that we could rent.

I felt sorry for Julie. Her parents pretty much disowned her, hardly even acknowledging her if they met. My Mom was the same with me. Pop, well he used to drop in occasionally if Mom was out of town and he knew she wouldn’t find out about his visits. All of this hurt Julie more than me, for she had been her parents ‘baby girl’ and being estranged from them really took a toll. With me, I was always Mom’s fair-haired boy or no damned good. She bounced from one extreme to the other. I was used to her mood swings and got to where I didn’t pay her as much attention as I could have.

As time passed, Julie and I became closer and closer and we were settling into married life pretty well. A life that didn’t have much future for either of us, I know, but we were reasonably happy. Thanksgiving came and neither set of parents invited us. Mr. Burrows did, so we spent Thanksgiving with him and his family. Julie cried all night and this was the first time I had seen any major regret from her about us getting married.

A week before Christmas Julie miscarried our baby boy child. I thought for a time I was going to lose her too. Months went by and she went in and out of depression. For some reason she felt I was to blame for our loss. Maybe she always blamed me for getting her pregnant, I don’t know. We had a consultation with the doctor after Julie had been through several rigorous examinations. Julie found out she would be unable to bear children---ever. This should have drawn us together, but instead we were further apart.

Immediately after the loss of our baby, both sets of parents were at us again with their bribes as a way to split us apart. Only it was ‘divorce’ this time. Julie was the first to cave in to what they wanted, except for one thing. No divorce. She would do what they wanted and leave me, but she said I was the one that had to divorce her. If I didn’t want a divorce then she would stay married to me even if we never lived together again. Other than that, she would do everything they asked of her.

We had this discussion about her not divorcing me the day she found she had been accepted to a college in the East. I assumed we would be divorcing and with my parents’ blessing, I had applied to a college in the West that Julie and I had originally talked about going to before the May mishap.

“Jake, do you want a divorce?” This was the final time I would talk to Julie for many years. It happened on the eve of her leaving.

“No Julie, I have loved having you for my wife because I love you. I’d like to think that you are out there waiting for me, even if it is twenty-five years from now.”

“You really would wait for me that long? We can make a pact then. Twenty-five years from now, I’ll be standing right in front of the soda fountain and we will decide if we want to get back together. In the meantime, we will live our life as single people, except that you and I know we are married. We can be committed to whoever we want, but it has to end in twenty-five years.”

I looked at her. I was incredulous, but she was serious. “I can’t be celibate for that long.”

“Neither can I. All I’m saying is that you have to be free twenty-five years from today. If you want to change the pact, you can get in touch with Mr. Burrows and leave a message. I’ll do the same, otherwise we won’t see or speak to each other until then.”

Julie was getting more and more beautiful every day. I knew there would be men out there that would want to marry her. I would give her less than a year to get word to me asking for a divorce. Until then I hoped she had my heart and I had hers, little as it might be.

I was crying when she walked out the door in the morning where her father was waiting to take her to the bus. All I had was this last night to remember her by for the next twenty-five years. I would relive every moment of it many times over and over in my mind and cherish every second of it.

***************

I settled into college life. My parents paid, I made sure of that. My Mom finally realized she had lost some of me by being so intractable over Julie. I sometimes felt they were trying to buy my love back. What I really needed to make me happy was Julie. After a few months of blue funk since arriving at college, I said to myself, I might as well make the best of the situation. My grades started improving and Mom and Pop thought that I was getting over Julie. I wasn’t, I was just making the best of a bad situation.

I chose the insurance industry as my career. It wasn’t too hard to learn and it was sure to be lucrative. Finishing school, I was employed by a firm that insured mostly homeowners. It was run by a widow whose husband had died the year before. She had two young children, a boy, seven, and a girl, eight. The widow, Miriam Crumbly, was nice enough, but somewhat out of her element with no husband and two kids to raise.

Both children had been born after she was thirty and I would guess Mrs. Crumbly to be about forty-two. One of her salesmen drank a little more than he should. He had been hired by her husband and was a friend to both when the husband died. The natural progression, and what he wanted and believed was his due, was to marry Mrs. Crumbly and take over both the business and her. She didn’t see it and wasn’t having any of him.

I was twenty-four the year Mrs. Crumbly called me into her office and spoke. “Mr. Jacob Hanson, I want to know more about you. I’ve looked at your personnel file and I see you are married. You don’t list your wife’s name. The only note in the file on who to notify if anything happens to you is a Mr. Burrows. Are you gay and is he your partner?”

I about choked and laughed. “No, Mr. Burrows is my friend and former employer. I really am married and to a woman. For reasons I don’t want to go into, I love her dearly and deeply, but we are estranged. Some year in the future we may get back together and go on with our lives.”

“When would that be? I have a reason for asking.”

“Twenty years from now unless she decides to divorce me. It has been five years since we parted. I thought she would ask for a divorce before now, but I’m beginning to have hopes that she will still be my wife when we reach that date.”

“Does this mean that you are going to be without sex? I can’t believe anyone would shut himself off from the other sex for that long.”

“That is pretty personal, but I will answer. No, I can go with anyone that I am attracted to. I just don’t want to be committed when it is time to return to my wife. She has the same freedom as I do. Foolish isn’t it? That’s the way it is though.”

“It does sound crazy. Do you want to tell me any more about the situation?”

“Not much. My wife does go by her married name of Mrs. Jacob Hanson---Julie to her friends and me of course.”

“Let me understand this. If you became sexually attracted to me, or me to you and I convinced you to bed me, then there is nothing holding you back?”

“Something like that. You wouldn’t be getting my heart, or not much of it anyway, because I’ve already given that to Julie. Why, are you interested?” I knew I was pushing Mrs. Crumbly, but she had been asking more personal questions than I wanted to answer. Also it was stirring up feelings in certain parts of me that I had tried to keep tamped down.

“Not really. I would like two things from you. First I want you to rise up to be business manager here in the office. Of course you would have to fire Tim. He is getting bad for business because of his drinking. The other thing I would like is for you to move into my home and during your off hours, bond with my children. They need someone younger in the house. Someone to play toss and catch with, as far as Stevie is concerned. Millie needs a father figure even more than Stevie does. She is ten and just needs a man around like her peers have.”

“I’m pretty young for the office job. Are you sure I’d do alright?”

“I’m sure. You get along with all of the salesmen except Tim. You also make more sales and your suggestions on advertising have been right on the money. You’re getting that job whether you want it or not.”

“Okay, I’ll take it, but you have to let me deal with Tim in my own way. The other, how are you going to explain that to the people here?”

“No one will ask, but I will tell them why just as I have you. Whether we become more than what the public sees we will decide at some future time. Now I’m asking you to call me Miriam. Crumbly is a horrible name. If I hadn’t loved my husband as much as I had, I’d have married someone else just because of the name.” Miriam smiled as she said this. She was lying, I suspected. The name was on the agency and she was proud of that.

Miriam announced the change that afternoon just after lunch and left soon after. Everyone congratulated me except Tim. When everyone had gone back to their desks, I quietly asked Tim to step into my new office. He slouched in and plopped down in the chair across from my desk. “Tim, do you need this job?”

“Of course I do. You’re the new boss and I know you have never liked me, so I guess I’m out the door.” He sullenly looked at me and then down at the floor.

“I’ve been directed to fire you because of your drinking. Do you really need the booze or is it just habit? Give me an honest answer.”

Tim sat there and pondered. This time when he spoke, he looked me right in the eye. “I don’t know. I’d like to think it was just habit. When Bill died, it took the heart right out of me.”

“Bill was Miriam’s husband, right? She told me one time that you were her friend before you started drinking. She asked me to fire you, not because she wants to, but because you are becoming a liability to the agency. I don’t think she really wants it to happen. Is there any way you can drive home the loss of her husband any harder than her having had to make this decision? First she loses him and then she has to lose you too. If you could stop drinking, I’d consider keeping you. I understand at one time you were the top salesman here. I’d like to see you be that again.”

Tim stared at me. He knew he was a red hair from not having a job. I decided to gamble and continued, “I'm going to give you the job of insuring that building down in the tenement district. See what you can do with it.”

“Do you want to see my figures before I sign them if I think everything is okay?”

“No. You know more about the insurance business than I do. I’ll take your figures. Just be ready to defend them. We can lay off some of it if we need to. That should help some.”

“I’ll do my best, Mr. Hanson.” Tim headed for the door.

“Tim, call me Jake. We are a team here.”

******************

Miriam had planned on being absent so she wouldn’t be around to face Tim when I fired him. Tomorrow she was going on vacation with her children. I had a lot to learn about being the manager. I think Miriam was testing me. I can say for sure, I was well tested. When Miriam returned, though, I had some impressive figures to show her. Not only that, Tim surprised her when he stepped into my office where Miriam and I were discussing business. He was surprised too because he hadn’t seen her come in either.

Tim was cleaned up and clear-eyed. He stopped and looked at her and said, “Miriam I’m so glad to see you. How was your vacation? How are the children?” He went to her and gave her a hug before she knew what was happening.

Miriam looked over his shoulder at me. When Tim turned away from her I said, “Some of those numbers I just showed you are because of Tim. We find we are working very well together. He has helped me a lot in getting organized here in my new job.”

When Tim left, Miriam turned to me. “How did you do that? I thought he was on the skids. One of the hardest decisions I ever made was to have you fire him. I come back and he is still here and you didn’t do as I directed. How come?”

“Remember Miriam, you said I could deal with him in my own way. That is what I did. Are you sorry he is still here?”

“God, no. I wish you had called me though and warned me. I almost hated coming in today knowing I wouldn’t be seeing him. He has stopped drinking too, hasn’t he?”

“Yes. I guess your husband’s death hit him harder than anyone knew. When I pointed out to him that he was hurting you, he snapped out of it.”

“I’m glad. Jake, would you like to come to dinner tonight and meet my children? You will have to sometime. Why don’t you pack a toothbrush and some sleepwear. You can stay over if it gets late. You don’t have to, I know, but the option is there.” She hadn’t been looking at me, but she did now.

“I’d love to. What time?”

“Dinner is at six. Come a few minutes before and I’ll put together something to drink.”

I ended up staying in a two-room apartment in the back on the second floor. The kids had bedrooms on the first floor. Miriam’s bedroom was in the front, down the hall from mine.

At one point Millie questioned if I was going to be her new daddy. I said no, I was already married to a lady I loved very much. That seemed to settle that for a few years anyway. The office suspected that maybe I was Miriam’s consort or concubine. Actually, she was mine as much as I was hers. She didn’t want to marry and I couldn’t, so we were a good fit for each other. I was of a later generation than Miriam and the sexual mores were much more liberal. I taught her things that her husband would have frowned on. Miriam was at first shocked by them, then acquiesced when I promised to stop at any time. Finally she demanded that they be a part of our lovemaking. This was always at night and out of sight behind closed doors.

The children were perfect for me to be a companion to. My time with them kept me from remembering that I had a wife somewhere. I could hear at anytime from Mr. Burrows that Julie wanted a divorce. This was the only thing other than not being with her, that troubled me. It was like a sword hanging over my head.

I fathered the kids as best I could, learning as problems were presented. All through childhood, through puberty, and the teenage years with all their high and lows of heartbreak for kids growing up, I mentored them. I defended them when Miriam thought they were wrong and chastised them when they really were. The year that Millie was twenty, I had ten more years to go before seeing Julie again.

As always, things don’t go as planned and are sometimes embarrassing. Millie came home crying late one night because a friend of hers had been killed in an auto wreck. Coming upstairs to find her mother for consolation, and not finding her in her room, Millie came down the hall and into my room. Thank God she hadn’t opened the door fifteen minutes earlier. Miriam and I were still basking in the afterglow of a very gratifying session.

Millie whirled and left and we could hear her running down the stairs and out the front door. We didn’t hear her car start so we knew she was on the premises. I looked out the window and I could see her sitting on the garden bench down by the garage. Miriam said, “I guess I better go down and talk to her.”

“No, let me. I’m the interloper here. Besides, I think I’m as close to her as you are and I’m the one that will be leaving if it comes to a rift between you and her.” I slowly went down the stairs and out the door to sit beside Millie. “What’s up kid?” I tried levity.

“I hate you, you know. How could you do this to me?”

“And that would be?”

“Do what you were doing with Mother. Don’t you know I’ve wanted to do that with you ever since I first learned about sex. You’re a sanctimonious hypocrite too. Your ‘oh I’m married to a wonderful woman’ and all the time you’ve been fucking Mom.”

“Okay, you’re jealous. I can see where you might be. That is one of the worst emotions a person can have. Millie, would you come in and talk to me and your mother. I’ll tell you some things about my life that even she doesn’t know. Before we go in, though, I want to tell you in a few years that I’m going to make your mother very unhappy. We have great affection for each other and someday I’m going to leave and she knows it. I have spent more of my life with this family than I have my own. It is going to hurt all of us. My commitment is to my wife. I can explain and I can ask to be forgiven, but it is going to hurt just the same.”

Millie got up and took my hand and we walked slowly into the house to face Miriam who was waiting anxiously. She searched her daughter’s face for any hate that might be showing there. She didn’t find it and was very relieved.

“Millie, what did you want when you came to Jake’s room?”

Millie gave out a wail and explained about the loss of her friend. It was another hour before attention turned back to me. Millie spoke, reminding me that I was going to tell them about my wife.

I started at the beginning. “Julie came into the drugstore and applied for a job on the soda fountain.” I told them of the prom, the day when I found out Julie was pregnant, and the war between us and our parents. Then the wedding and being just eighteen and cut off from our parents. The one friend we had was Mr. Burrows and how he helped us find a place to live and gave us better jobs in his store. I told how much in love we were and how hard it was to plan for a new baby when we were always short of money.

Then there was the loss of our baby boy. I broke down in tears as I told them of this. (Both Millie and Miriam came and hugged me.) Resuming after a bit, I explained the depression that Julie went into after finding out she could never have another child. Then about how both sets of parents wanted us to divorce more than ever.

In a weak moment how Julie capitulated and said she would give me up, but wouldn’t divorce me, in return for the money for our education. In return for not divorcing, Julie promised that we wouldn’t see each other for twenty-five years. Her parents who are very religious had made her swear on a bible.

Julie said to keep our sanity and the vow that she took, I was to go out and live just like I was single. I should find someone that would commit to me, but it would have to end before our time was up. Julia has the same freedom. How I’ve lived in fear that she will find someone to replace me before we meet again. We have a date seven years from this August to meet in front of the place where we found each other---the soda fountain.

“Millie, I have chosen to become committed to your mother for a certain period of time. I wish you wouldn’t prevent me from continuing to live with her. I could say I love her, but then I can’t say I love you Miriam and still walk away someday. I can’t say it, even though I may feel otherwise.”

I waited for a reaction. Millie got up and came to where I was sitting. “Jake, I hope someday someone loves me like you do your Julie. Mom isn’t the only one that is going to miss you when you go to meet your wife. I just know that she will be there waiting for you. If she wasn’t after all this time---God, wouldn’t that be too cruel? And if Mom finds joy in your arms and you in hers, then so be it. I’ll never say another thing more about it.”

Miriam and I were sitting together as she left for her room. Miriam took my hand and said, “Let’s go back to bed.”

***************

Miriam decided to expand into real estate sales, to complement our insurance business. She merged with a small agency and from then on we were busier than ever. Julia was now discussed around the table between us, just as if she was someone just out of sight, not some vision of an entity that someone heard about. There was much speculation as to what Julia was up to all these years. I finally asked that we not discuss her in my presence for it troubled me too much. My wishes were reluctantly complied with.

Seven more slow years to go. I received a note from Mr. Burrows, my ever faithful friend, saying that my Dad was in the hospital with a heart attack. I had not spoken to either of my parents since my graduation from college. I had invited them at that time, for they paid for it, so they had a right to see what they had purchased. After that I had no more contact with them. Pop did go in for news of me from Mr. Burrows frequently. Mom, well I didn’t even give her much thought.

I made the trip home and visited with Pop when I knew Mom wouldn’t be there. Miriam and Millie traveled with me. Miriam was just a year younger than Mom. Millie was fourteen years younger than I was. Pop’s attack wasn’t as serious as first thought and he was bright, cheerful and out of pain when we reached the hospital. I introduced my traveling companions to him. He watched them as I talked to him.

When they stepped out to give us some privacy, Pop said, “Which one are you making love to? I figure the young one is much too young, so you must be sleeping with the mother.”

“Pop, you’ve got a dirty mind. Let’s just say I’ve known Millie since she was eight. I’ve brought her up and she is one of the most wonderful, beautiful daughters a man could have.”

He laughed and then turned serious. “What’s going to happen to this Miriam when you go back to Julie? How much is she going to be hurt?”

“She will hurt, but she knows where I stand. Both of them know about Julie and both of them would love to be my wife if I asked either one. They are pulling for me, though, and both hope Julie and I do get back together. Honestly Pop, what chance do I have of that happening?”

“Pretty damn good I would say. You two have lasted apart this long and I can’t see any change coming. Don’t you bail out on your wife, either. Why in hell I didn’t put my foot down with your mother when it would have done some good, I don’t know. I’m too weak, I guess.”

I took Miriam and Millie to visit Mr. Burrows. He and Miriam hit it right off. Millie and I stood looking out the store window. Suddenly I saw this tall, distinguished gentleman holding a lady’s arm while guiding her along the street in the direction of the hospital. There was a boy of about four tripping along beside the lady holding her hand.

Mr. Burrows came to stand beside me. “She is still beautiful isn’t she? I wondered if you would see her. She has seen you already, for she was here in the store when you went by earlier. Look across the street. That man and woman are the Whites, her parents. Most of the town has ostracized them for not relenting on the vow. The town doesn’t treat your mother much better than them either. The only thing they have against your father is that he puts up with her.

“I think Julie is going to visit your father. That will be a real slap in the face for her parents.”

“Did Julie ask about Miriam and Millie when she saw them with me?”

“No.”

“Then I won’t ask about the man and boy with her. I’m going to see Dad one more time this evening and then we are going back home. You know Mr. Burrows, you are the only one in this whole shitty mess that has kept me from going crazy.”

“That’s funny, Julie said almost the same thing. I think there is hope for a good ending in all of this.”

Mom was with Pop when I returned that evening. It wasn’t in me to embarrass Mother in front of my friends. I spoke civilly to her and made introductions. I introduced Miriam as a good friend and Millie as a child that I had the honor of being a surrogate father to for the last sixteen years. Mother was curious, of course, but I offered no further explanations.

Pop was sorry to see me go. I was surprised when Miriam invited Pop to visit when he got well. Mother wasn’t included and she didn’t dare ask if she was. Mom drew me out into the hall and asked me if I could ever forgive her. She was beginning to realize that she might have lost my love, but there was a good chance that she might lose Pop too.

“Jake, isn’t there anyway I can get your love back? I’m worried about your father too. He isn’t like he used to be. It is like he doesn’t love me much anymore. What can I do? Please help me.”

“Pop has never seen the right of what has happened to me and Julie at the hands of her parents and you. If it was just you, it would be simple, for I think you would release Julie from her vow. I don’t imagine you have any influence over the Whites, so I guess you will just have to hope for the best. I’m sorry Mom, I don’t know what else to tell you.” Mom bowed her head and left the hospital with tears running down her cheeks.

I returned to Pop’s room where he was laughing at something Miriam was saying. “What did you mother want? I think she was pleased you spoke to her. She was afraid you might not.”

“We had a conversation about me and why I didn’t love her and what it would take to bring me back. She knows, but doesn’t want to admit it. Actually she is more worried about losing you. Are you planning on leaving her?”

“No, of course I’m not. When I signed up with her, I signed up for the full ride. Let her worry a little. She has been wrong enough so she has to sweat for some of it.”

“Don’t be too harsh, Pop. You know she is ready to try and get the Whites to let up on Julie. If you threw your support in with her, it might do some good.”

Miriam spoke to Pop. “Mr. Hanson, if you get where you can visit, would you bring Mrs. Hanson with you? I think she would like to see what Jake has accomplished so far in his lifetime. I would enjoy having you both visit.”

“Thank you, I just might do that. I take it he has been successful working for you.”

“Very much so. Not only that he has done so much for me personally. I have two children that I am so proud of and it is all due to his being a father to them. Look at Millie here. They are a perfect reflection of him and his guidance as he moved into the role of being a father. Yes, and he has made me very happy too. I am going to hate to let him go, but I realize someday I must.” Miriam turned and smiled at me. This was the first really intimate moment she had ever displayed before anyone else. I’m glad it was my father who heard these words.

As we were readying to leave, she turned back to Pop. “I left my card with Mr. Burrows. I understand you are friends. If either of you wants to be in touch, feel free to do so.”

I was silent all the way back home. Home? Where was it? Where did I belong? I loved these two women I was traveling with, but in a few years I was going to say goodbye to them. What about my wife? Have I been foolish to abide by her vow and separate as we have, without any contact for so many years? What a screwed up life I have!”

I returned to work and poured myself into it with vigor. Things were changing in Miriam’s and my relationship, also. Where she was usually the one that came to my room, now she came very seldom. I still had needs, so I occasionally traveled down the hall to her room. When we came together she displayed a desperate clinging mood, wanting me to stay with her all night. Often, as I lay next to her, I would realize that she was softly crying. My leaving was never discussed, but I knew that she wished me to forget my wife. She wanted to beg me to stay with her, but knew it would be a foolish gesture.

Another year went by, Millie was completing her college schooling in June. She was coming into the business. She was about the same age as I was when I was hired by Miriam. Stevie had one more year to go to finish his schooling and then he was joining the agency, too. Miriam still gave me credit for the success of the agency. She said with her two children with her, I was multiplied by two. I had done so well in raising them and keeping them interested in the business. It was planned that Millie was to take over the real estate business and Stevie would be heading up the insurance.

I hired an associate broker to complement the salesmen that were already employed. He was young, vibrant and at twenty-seven, really into the real estate business. He had worked and had been trained by his father whose agency was located in another city. Millie fell for him like a ton of bricks. Although she was eventually going to be his boss, it didn’t seem to make any difference to either one.

I immediately saw the attraction between the two and as soon as I realized where this was headed, I quietly had him checked out. He looked like a perfect match for her. Only three months after Burton came through the door, he asked for Millie’s hand. Miriam swung her attention to me. I nodded my head, giving my approval of him. The date was set for the week before Christmas.

“Jake, Millie has been your daughter in all but name. She would like to have you walk her down the aisle. There is one other thing. I’m going to ask your father and mother to be here for the ceremony. I think it would be nice if Mr. Burrows came too. They will be sent invitations and I will know in a few days if they will be present.”

“Thank you Miriam. I don’t know how I feel about my mother, but I’m pleased that you thought of my father and Mr. Burrows.” Two weeks later Miriam did tell me that my parents had answered and Mr. Burrows said he would join them in traveling to the wedding.

It was a beautiful wedding and Millie was lovely. I was somewhat mystified in one thing. Miriam had a man slightly older than her whom she said was a friend. He looked somewhat familiar, but I could have sworn I had never met him. He did sit at the head table with the wedding party. Miriam and he talked together almost constantly to the point of me occasionally having to update Miriam on what was going on in the hall. Their eyes would sometimes pass over me as they talked and I had the feeling I was being discussed. This Mr. Jameson left before the reception wound down and even before the wedded couple left on their honeymoon.

Mr. Burrows and Dad were duly impressed with where I worked and the respect everyone showed me. I could see the pride shining in their eyes. Mom was very quiet all the while she was here. I think she suspected that I was more than a surrogate father in the family. Miriam did treat me more like a husband than just someone she knew. That set me thinking about my situation.

I made the decision that I would stop going down the hall to see Miriam at night, and this continued through Christmas. I spent New Year’s evening with Miriam in front of the fireplace. I kissed her and said I was going to bed. She rose with me. “Jake, I’m coming down to your room with you. You haven’t been to my room for weeks and I am feeling the need for company tonight. If you don’t feel like making love to me, we can just lay side-by-side.”

I took another shower and for once Miriam joined me, something she had never done before. When we reached the bed, we wasted no time in damping down the fires that had been stoked in the shower. “You never did that before---taking a shower with me. That was fun. Why tonight?”

“I have a feeling there won’t be many more chances for us to enjoy each other. You’ve been a wonderful lover through the years we have been together. Since we saw your wife a little more than a year ago, you have been more reticent in making love to me. I’m going to miss you terribly, Jake. I have never spoken of love between us, but tonight I am. I love you more than you can ever realize. You are my light and have been in my thoughts most every day. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate how you have brought up Millie and Stevie.

“The agency---you have made it more yours than mine. If you were going to be here forever I would give it to you. I had a long talk with your parents and Mr. Burrows. They are working on your behalf in getting your wife’s foolish vow rescinded. So far there hasn’t been much progress, but don’t give up the hope that you will have a chance to rejoin your wife. Within the next year he thinks. Mr. Burrows feels that even if Julie and you have to wait the full time, she will still be there for you. Please just don’t give up hope.”

“I think you know more than you are telling me. Either that or you want to sever our relationship.”

“I do know something, but it is too early to tell you about it. I absolutely don’t want to sever what we have together. I do think it best that we do stop doing what we did tonight though. Can you live here with me knowing we won’t be intimate again?”

“Of course, there is so much more I enjoy about you than the sex. Believe it or not, I decided after the wedding that I wouldn’t travel the hall to your room unless I was asked. You are here tonight and it won’t be over until the sun comes up on a new day. Will you stay with me and we can watch it come up together?”

“Oh Jake, show me how much you love me. I know you do, although you never could say it.”

***************

The twenty-seventh of January I received a letter in the mail from my home town. It was from the Most Reverend Pastor James of the Franklin Pentecostal Church of God. I smiled at the title before I opened to the contents. Anything to show how close to God you were, I guess.

Dear Mister Jacob Hanson,
I have been newly installed as pastor of this holy church of God. It has been brought to my attention by various members of my congregation that for twenty years you have been bound by a vow. This was foisted on you by a previous pastor of this church. As times change, something like this has to be looked at to see if it still applies. Although you are not the principal that swore the vow, you were and still are very much affected by it.
On February 13th of this year, all principals involved will be here to review the vow that was made by your wife, one Julia White Hanson. If you are unable to attend, please notify me and a more accommodating date will be found.


Please respond. Your friend, Pastor James.

_____________________________________________________________


Julia’s Story

Thoughts and Actions

I walked into the soda fountain with Mr. Burrows. I needed to find work for the summer if I was to go on to college in the fall. I can’t believe how scarce jobs are all over town. I hope by coming in March before Easter, I can find something before the rush of students scoffed up all the jobs at the end of the school year. Also I have seen Jake Hanson working here. He is in a few of my classes and I have been a little shy around him. It is only because he is a hunk and I’m only able to get out a “Hi” when we meet.

Good, Jake recognized me right away and knows who I am when Mr. Burrows introduced us. I hope he can’t read my thoughts for I get weak in the knees when I look at him. Not only that, I can see him checking me out. I hope what I’m feeling doesn’t show. I wish my boobs were a little firmer and didn’t bounce so much. And my butt---I know it wiggles. Maybe that is good and maybe not, but I bet Jake notices it.

“Jake, I hired Julie to work with you on the soda fountain. See if you can get her trained before Easter next week. The place will be packed for the holiday. You are in charge and it will depend on you as to how much help she is to you.”

My mind is always in a whirl when I’m around Jake. I can hardly wait to get to know him better. I’m glad that it is so narrow behind the counter. Every time I go by Jake, there isn’t enough room to pass so I have to brush against him. I wonder if he minds.

Okay, so he touches me when I go by. I like it and he doesn’t seem to mind. Maybe he will continue to ignore it. I hope not. I live for each time it happens. I wonder what would happen if I deliberately bumped into him. He is smart though, and has easily taught me what to do. I’m pretty good if I do say so myself. Jake is free with his compliments too, and is always telling Mr. Burrows how well I’m doing. Mr. Burrows is nice, and I think he is glad he hired me. He is awful old though. He must be twice my age. Who would want to make love to a man eighteen years older than you are? I wouldn’t. Never!

Oh damn, I dumped the chocolate syrup into the marshmallow tub. I am so embarrassed. Jake just laughed and said forget it---happens all the time. I’m going to be brave and am going to kiss him when we close up tonight. Oh God, he really kissed me back. Wow! I hope this wasn’t a one time thing. I’m going to kiss him every time I can sneak one when no one is looking.

Jake has asked me to the prom. Mom won’t like it, but I’m eighteen and I can have a little fun if I want to. I wish Mom and Dad hadn’t started going to that new church. They’ve changed and are so strict now. I wonder if Jake will take me parking after the prom. Should I let him touch me if he does? I’d love to have him caressing my breasts, He probably thinks of them as tits, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve made up my mind, I’m going to let him do whatever he wants. What happens if he wants to go all the way? Should I let him? I’m going to say no at first anyway. But what happens if it is me that doesn’t want to stop? I’ll decide when the time comes, I guess.

Someone spiked the punch at the prom. I never drank this much before. “Julie, would you like to go for a ride up by the lake? There will be others up there so you won’t be alone.”

I wish we had some more beer. His friend Pete said he had some we could have. If Jake won’t get it I will. “Jake, a couple of more won’t hurt us. Two beers never hurt anyone.”

Jake has done it and made me so hot I could scream. Why is he taking so long getting the condom out? Damn! “Jake, forget the damned condom. Put your thing in me. I know it isn’t safe, but you can pull out when you get close.”

“God it feels so good, I’m in heaven. I’m almost there. No, no Jake, don’t pull out. You’ll leave me hanging.” I wrapped my legs around him so he couldn’t pull away from me. The thought crossed my mind, Christ, what happens if I get pregnant. Jake will marry me if I am, I know he will. “Let’s do it again Jake. That was wonderful. No, forget the rubber, I want to feel you when it happens this time and when you aren’t trying to get away. I’ll concentrate on what you are doing to me.”

I am anxiously waiting for my period to start. It is graduation day and I have to tell Jake I am late. “I’m a week over, and I went to the doctor today and have found out I am definitely pregnant. We should go together to tell our parents this evening.”

I thought Dad was actually going to beat Jake up and Mom wouldn’t stop screaming at him. Right off they want me to have an abortion. I can’t do that and Jake keeps saying it will never happen. God, I love him and I’m glad we’re going to have a baby.

Mrs. Hanson is as bad as Mom. I can’t even repeat what she called me. Jake’s dad isn’t as bad, but he is under his wife’s thumb. Everyone but Jake thinks I should have an abortion. They have tried all kinds of bribes, promising everything if we would do as they wish and get rid of my baby. They keep saying we can both have a college education if we don’t get married. Jake has been with me every step of the way, so we are going ahead and get married anyway.

Mr. Burrows is the only one that seems to care about us and how we feel. He has given Jake a better position and I have started to train in the office. He also found a trailer for us to live in. It isn’t much, but we can afford the rent. We have each other and that is the best part, and the sex is out of this world. It seems like we even think alike. I cry when I think about how much Jake loves and cares for me.

I can’t understand my parents. I thought they loved me. I have always been their “baby girl” and now I am nothing to them. Most times they won’t even speak when they see me. I think it is because of the minister they have at the church. I hate Mrs. Hanson, too, for she blames me for everything. Maybe I should feel a little guilty. I prevented Jake from pulling out, but there are some things you just can’t do. Mr. Hanson has been a little nicer to us. He comes to the trailer and talks to us at least, but only when he knows his wife won’t find out.

Thanksgiving is coming. This has always been a major holiday for both Jake and me. We are hoping to be invited home by one of our parents. This is the first time I have ever seen Jake really down, because there has been no word from either his parents or mine asking us to dinner. Mr. Burrows has come through for us though, and has invited us to dinner with his family. I know I’ll cry all night after we get home.

Only a week since Thanksgiving and I feel so lousy. I know something is wrong, but I can’t tell Jake. He has enough problems.

I lost my baby a week before Christmas and Mr. Burrows had to call someone to take me to the hospital. It was a little boy. I guess I had a growth inside me that pushed the baby out. When they removed the growth and I healed, the doctors said I will never be able to conceive another child. Poor Jake! God, we have always talked about having more than the one baby. We might have even had three babies. I know we would never have treated our kids like our parents treat us---even if we had a girl and she got pregnant.

Our parents have started in on us again with the bribes. Colleges were back as an option. They said no baby, no reason to stay married. Divorce has been talked up as if it was something that was wonderful. I feel sorry for Jake and I still want the best for him.

I have finally agreed to everything except the divorce. Jake didn’t find out until after I agreed, but I made a pact and swore on the bible that I wouldn’t live with Jake if his parents would pay for his education. I wouldn’t see him for a long time, either. I still want to be Mrs. Jacob Hanson even if we don’t live together. My parents have finally agreed to those conditions and to send me to school. I applied and have been accepted. Jake has been accepted to some school out west. We are now headed in different directions to the opposite sides of the country.

We have had so little time to talk before we left each other. I think at that moment I was most sane for the first time since I lost our baby. Before that, I know at times I couldn’t even remember who I was. I tried to muddle through it and I guess Jake thought I blamed him sometimes for our situation. I never have though. I was just trying to survive. It was so bad all the time and I didn’t realize it until I was holding a butcher knife to my throat.

“Jake, do you want a divorce? I don’t want to divorce you so you will have to be the one to ask for it.”

“No Julie. I will wait twenty-five years if I have to, just to have you back.”

He still wants me even when we are old. “Okay, twenty-five years from now, I will meet you in front of the soda fountain and we can come together again. Until that time I won’t see or hear from you unless you send me divorce papers. If you do, we will just go our separate ways. For the time being, we will be married, but living single. I still want to be Mrs. Jake Hanson until you say otherwise.”

“What about sex? I can’t go without sex for half my life even for you. I don’t think you can either.”

“No restrictions on what we do while we are apart. We could have a committed relationship with someone as long as we are both free at the time we reach the front of the soda fountain. If either of us changes our mind we can contact Mr. Burrows. I can call him and you can call him, but I promised I won’t ever call you and you can’t call me either.”

I said I have to go and see my parents and tell them they have won in all except the divorce. I came back and spent my last night with Jake in my arms. He was crying when my Dad picked me up to take me to the bus in the morning. He couldn’t even come out to say goodbye, he was so sad.

******************

I enrolled as Mrs. Jacob Hanson and this is how everyone except my closest friends addressed me. College life was good. I very seldom went out, although I did accept a date to go to a concert or the opera sometimes. I studied hard and graduated in business in the top quarter of my class.

I think about Jake constantly. I wondered if he was out every night making some little college slut happy. No I don’t think so, he wouldn’t do that. He was too sad when I left for that to happen. I would know if he found someone just as soon as Mr. Burrows sent the divorce papers on to me---I mean if.

I graduated and found a real estate agency to work for. The agency was owned by a man in his late forties. He was tall and handsome in a dignified way. Pleasant enough and I found out a short time after my arrival he was a widower. I am not a salesperson, I am more of an office coordinator. I am pretty good at it, and Mr. Jameson often comes and watches me work. Over time I could feel he has wanted to say something to me.

One day I was feeling his eyes on me. I pushed away from my desk and turned to him. “You have been watching me for more than two months Mr. Jameson. If you want to ask me something, why don’t you go ahead and do it?”

He looked intently at me and then smiled. “Okay then, fair enough. Why don’t we go into my office? We can have a little more privacy there.”

I followed him and he closed the door as he went past me. “Coffee? I just made a pot.” He looked to see if I wanted anything in it. I shook my head no. “Now, Mrs. Hanson, first of all you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to. I guess I am just curious about you. You are an excellent worker. You are pretty and you don’t tolerate any off-color remarks. I have never heard of you having any social life outside of the office. So my question is, are you really married and is there a husband somewhere?”

“Yes, there is. His name is Jacob Hanson. I just don’t live with him. I do love him with all my heart. I imagine as long as you know me, you will never meet him.”

“He’s in jail then?”

“God no! He is too good for that. He is in sort of a prison though, but it was me that sentenced him to it.” I couldn’t help it, tears started from my eyes, thinking about Jake so suddenly.

Mr. Jameson took his handkerchief out of his blazer and handed it to me. For some reason I couldn’t stop and continued sobbing. Finally Mr. Jameson came over and hugged me to him and held me. I clung to him. This was the first time that I had been this close to anyone in four years. I finally composed myself and apologized for breaking up.

“Mrs. Hanson, is there anything stopping you from going to dinner with me this evening? It is Friday and I usually eat out. You sound like you want to share your story with me. The office isn’t the place for it.”

“There is nothing stopping me, but are you sure you can put up with me breaking down again?”

“I think I will take the chance.”

I put on my best dress, which I found to be at James’ choice of restaurant, barely acceptable. James was the perfect gentleman. When we finished our dinner he asked, “Where would you like to talk? They have a private room here we could use or we can go to your apartment, or we can go to my home. Whichever place you would be the most comfortable in. You tell me.”

“Your place I think. It would be hard for me to be comfortable here and I don’t think my apartment is appropriate.”

“You would trust me?”

“Of course. You would respect my wishes. Not only that I have had a chance to watch you too. You respect yourself. No one that does that is going to cause me any grief. You couldn’t live with yourself.”

“You are a very astute young lady. Yes, you will be perfectly safe with me.”

***************

So Mr. Jameson heard the story of my life up until now. It was easy to tell for it had played endlessly through my mind, until I thought sometimes I would go crazy. Maybe I was crazy for sometimes I was me and at other times I was a person looking down on me. I was beginning to relax more and take an interest in life though. Since I was hired and came here, anyway.

I told James all about Jake and how we came to be apart. I know how stupid I had been to swear on the bible. The vow promising not to see Jake for twenty-five years. I had been back right after college and had a consultation with my parents and their pastor. The one that had urged it onto Mom and Dad. I think it was a power trip for him. I came away more discouraged from the meeting than ever. This was something that Jake didn’t know.

In a perverse way, Jake could be free of his pledge to wait for twenty-five years for me if he had to. All he had to do was send me his request for a divorce. James asked, “Is that what you want?”

“No. If his love is not strong enough to honor his pledge, it is the same as me breaking my vow. We would have nothing. This way we may have a life after this is over. We will both be only forty-four. We can still have some life together.”

“Do you expect him, or you for that matter, to give up any social life for that long? That is unnatural.”

“We discussed that. He is free to have one relationship or many. He just has to be free on the day I told you about.”

“How about you? Does the same apply to you?”

“Of course it does. I haven’t met anyone yet that I have been that interested in. Nearly five years have gone by already. It could happen at anytime. Before I went to bed even one time, the person must know under what circumstances it was happening. That’s all.”

“This is an unbelievable situation you know.”

“Yes isn’t it. Why don’t we change the subject and you tell me about you? I have never seen you with anyone either.”

“There is not much to tell. I’m a widower with one son. I loved my wife dearly. I have never found anyone to come near replacing her. I do get lonely sometimes. That is natural, so the agency has been my whole life. I must say it has become more interesting since I hired you. You have given me much to speculate about. A very attractive married woman with no visible husband about and who comports herself in an impeccable manner.”

“Wow, you see all that in me?”

“Yes and more, but I guess I better not go there. Mrs. Hanson, I’ve had a wonderful time talking to you tonight. Would you be willing to go out every Friday night for dinner with me? I’ve enjoyed myself more than I can say. I hope you have too.”

I smiled. “Mr. Jameson, if you will tell me what sort of establishments you will be taking me to, I need to update my wardrobe.”

So I started a weekly date with James. He called me Julia when we were alone. Things never changed for months and we never missed but one Friday night. Sometimes if his son, James Junior and his new bride were around I might appear with him at a barbecue in his backyard. We always went out to eat and usually ended up sitting in his living room talking for a few hours before he took me home.

In December I received a lily on the anniversary of my baby’s death. I had often received a card on holidays. I never knew if Jake sent them or if Mr. Burrows was being kind. This I knew had to be from Jake via Mr. Burrows. He would be the only one that could remember.

I set it on my desk and the tears ran down my cheeks every time I looked up. It was a Thursday. James came by my desk at two. No one was listening, for I had saddened the whole agency and all were giving me a wide berth.

“Come Julia, get your coat and I’ll take you home.” Instead of taking me home he took me to his home and put me to bed. I drifted off to sleep. I awoke around seven and could smell food. I felt better and I decided I was a damned fool for looking back. I got up and looked in the mirror. I was a mess. I wandered down the hall where I knew his son and wife stayed sometimes and raided their dresser, finding pajamas and a dressing gown. I hurried back to my room and showered.

I slowly entered the room where James was cooking. He looked up and came to me. He kissed me gently on the lips. “Are you feeling better? God, I hurt for you. I had to get you out of the office. I dug around in the freezer and found some fillet mignon. I have a bag of frozen potato tots and some tomato soup. That’s the best I can do. Needless to say, I’m not much of a cook.”

I laughed. “That will do fine. I am hungry. The smell of steak broiling is what woke me up. You better remove it soon if it has been in long enough to smell the aroma.” We ate it and we laughed over how overcooked the meat was.

Later we huddled together on the couch. I was half lying next to him and cuddled in his arms as we watched some pointless sitcom. He raised my chin and looked at me. “Will you stay the night with me?” I had my answer ready.

So began a new chapter in my life. I maintained my residence and still worked at the agency. Weekends I was with James at his home. Jay Junior was okay with me being there and as Junior and Mabel’s kids arrived one-by-one, they were familiar with me too. The first Christmas after we became intimate, James bought me beautiful jewels. A necklace, earrings, and a ring with my birthstone set in.

I cried when I told him I wouldn’t accept them. “James, I know you would love to give me beautiful and expensive things. I just can’t accept them. Please remember that I’m a married woman. If I took them, it would make me feel like something I’m not. Can’t we just be two lonely people who find solace in each other after life has tossed us a curve?”

“Julie, you are a beautiful person. Your husband is a lucky man.” James never offered me any more material things after that again. I was well paid at the agency and I often received bonuses on one excuse or another. I worked very hard and the agency benefited from my efforts, so I felt the rewards were justified.

I settled into my existence and the years came and went. My lifestyle was better than Jake could have ever given me I felt. It was so far from the little trailer that Jake was able to provide. I came to love the opera that James treated me to several times a year. Some functions I went to on James’ arm. He was proud to escort me and I was proud to be seen with this handsome older gentleman who was old enough to be my father.

The nights that I spent with James were nice. He treated me like a lady, both in and out of bed. There was never much passion between us. It was like we filled a need in each other. If we were sleeping together, we should be having sex. Sometimes we didn’t bother as neither of us were demanding. It was more gratifying than satisfying. Sometimes in my mind, I had to hark back to the fiery sessions with Jake to find any measure of completion.

***************

Tragedy can come at any time in a person’s life. Jay Junior and Mabel were with us for a weekend. I was treated as a favorite aunt by their three children. James and I were baby-sitting while Junior and Mabel were having a night out without the kids. The children had been put to bed and James and I retired. We were awakened by the front door chimes. I looked at the clock as James was putting on his robe to go answer the bell. It was a little after two a.m.

I heard an exclamation from the front of the house. I went down and found James standing in shock, as a policeman turned away from the door. “Junior and Mabel have been killed by a drunk driver. Oh my God, what am I going to do?”

I don’t know how any of us got through that next week. After the funeral, James and I were sitting alone in the living room. The kids were upstairs asleep, exhausted after what they had been through. “Julia, I have asked a lot of you over the years. You’ve been a wonderful companion to me, but that was for ourselves and a benefit for both of us. Would you consider coming to live here and becoming a full-time mother to my grandchildren? They know and love you already. To be honest it is the only solution I can think of.”

I could only stare at him. What was this going to mean to my life? There were still nine years left before my vow was finished and I felt I could search for my husband again. How would he feel about it if I descended on him with a ready-made family? I didn’t have a clue how he felt about me at this time. The only certainty was that he hadn’t divorced me. My heart went out to the poor souls asleep upstairs though, and yes, to the man sitting beside me.

“James, I want to. There is one person I have to contact to help me make my decision. I’ll call him in the morning. I’ll make my mind up then.”

“That’s your Mr. Burrows, isn’t it?”

“Yes. He is the only person that can give me the slightest idea about how Jake would feel about this. I’m sorry, but I do have to consider my husband. Please can you understand?”

“Of course I do. I’d think less of you if you didn’t.”

I called Mr. Burrows and he listened to me without asking any questions. When I finished I asked, “What should I do?”

“I can’t tell you. I will say that Jake has been a surrogate father to two children over the past few years. He sounds pretty proud of them. Telling you this much might help you make up your mind. How old are the children anyway?”

“Billy is the baby. He is two-and-a-half. Ginny is six and George is seven.”

“They are young and need someone, don’t they?”

“Yes they are. I think I have made up my mind. Thank you Mr. Burrows. I’ll let you know how I make out as I journey into the role of being a mother.”

Billy was too young to realize that his mother was gone and never coming back. Ginny and George knew, but in the way of the young, the fact receded into the recesses of their minds. James gave me all the help I needed to lighten my load as I immersed myself in the children's lives as mother. He hired a cook and a cleaning lady, but I found it was too much trouble to watch them and the kids too.

After a few months we settled into a cohesive household---James just barely in his sixties, me in early middle age and the three young children. I spread my love both up and down. Jake was in my mind, but sometimes days went by before he was there with me. I was just so busy. Months would go by when James and I wouldn’t come together in bed. Then I would feel I was neglecting him and we would have a flurry of times when I joined him. These times became more and more infrequent.

Mr. Burrows called with the information that Mr. Hanson, Jake’s father, had a minor heart attack. He often talked about me and wished he could see me, if for only a few minutes. James, never one to deny me anything, made arrangements for us to travel to visit. Little Billy went with us while the two older children stayed with a neighbor and went to school.

It was a troubling visit and by the time I returned home, I couldn’t decide if I had been wise to go. I hugged and kissed Mr. Burrows, telling him he was my rock and the only one that had made me able to keep my sanity. I loved seeing Mr. Hanson and he was so happy I came. I was his daughter-in-law and had taken the time to visit while he was sick. He was quite taken with Billy who crawled up onto his bed and pretended he was sick just like Mr. Hanson.

Other than that---seeing my mother-in-law, my mother and father, well, I could have done without that. Jake, I saw him. I was in the drugstore when I saw him with an older woman. She was handsome and then I wondered immediately if he had sex with her. Maybe it was because she had a possessive hold on him as they crossed the street. With them was one of the most beautiful creatures I had seen in a long time. I hoped this was the daughter Mr. Burrows referred to and not a lover of his. I stood no chance of ever having Jake back if she was the competition.

Mrs. Hanson must hate me. I did see her. She acted like she wanted to speak, but I just couldn’t make the effort to give her an opening. Should I have? I just don’t know.

I saw my parents. They watched me when I crossed the street. I immediately thought back to when they had me into their church when I was feeling so bad. That damned old pastor who kept pushing me to take a vow that would keep me away from Jake forever. What business was it of his anyway?

Well, we both had been able to go to school and I suppose with all the heartbreak of not being together all these years, I have had a measure of happiness. I have a man that respects and loves me, and I have the love of three fine children. They aren’t Jake’s kids though. And Jake---I remember how he used to love me. I haven’t had sex in all these years like I had with him. I have to stop thinking like this. It does me no good.

James talked with Mr. Burrows privately while I was getting lunch for Billy and me. Billy was always hungry and I made sure we had time to feed him. When he came back he asked, “Is there anything more you want to do here, or anyone else you wish to visit?” I shook my head no. I just wanted to go home. Jake was in town with two beautiful women. I certainly didn’t want to run into them. If he was alone maybe, but---

I didn’t sleep well for several weeks. The visit to my hometown was more upsetting than it should have been. Nothing had changed in my situation. Seven more years to go. Could I stand it? James was somewhat silent and distracted. I didn’t ask, but I felt I might be the subject of his thoughts.

Just over a year since visiting Mr. Hanson, James packed a suitcase and said he would be gone for a couple of days---three at the most. He asked if I was sure I would be okay alone with the children. I assured him I would be. Usually he would tell me where he was going. This time he didn’t. Maybe he is unhappy with me. I settled down and decided I was always thinking the worst of everything. In fact I seemed to have my mind in a whirl all the time, and once started, it was hard to stop.

***************

The twenty-seventh day of January of the new year, I received a letter in the mail from my hometown. I was surprised and mystified as I turned the letter over in my hand before opening it. I had less than six years to go until my vow was released. Why now and why from this particular church? The return address was from the Most Reverend Pastor James of the Franklin Pentecostal Church of God. I did not recognize the name.

Dear Mrs. Jacob (Julia) Hanson,
I have been newly installed as pastor of this holy church of God. It has been brought to my attention by various members of the congregation and friends that for twenty years you have been bound by a vow. As the times change, something like this has to be looked at to see if it still applies. You are the main principal in this.
On February 13th of this year, all principals involved will be here to review the vow you swore. The other person most affected by this will be present at this time.
If you are unable to attend, please notify me and a more accommodating date will be found.


Please respond. Your friend, Pastor James

_____________________________________________________________

Our Story

Jake and Julia

The church had two separate side doors. There was an usher on each path leading into the church, one for each side. The usher who Jake approached asked who he was. When Jake told him he said, “Good, you are on the right side of the church. If you good people will follow me. Ma’am, may I take your arm?” He took Miriam’s arm and led her into the church and down the side aisle to several pews that were reserved. Millie had her arm on Jake’s. Behind them followed Millie’s husband, Stevie and his girlfriend. Mr. and Mrs. Hanson were already seated in the second row behind Jake. Jake turned back to look over the congregation. There must have been a hundred people sitting quietly while watching the principals enter.

Across the aisle Jake could see Mr. and Mrs. White. Momentarily Jake wondered if Julie had refused to come. He supposed that she had been issued an invitation the same as he. He thought, please God let her be here.

Julie arrived only a few moments after Jake. She started up the same path as he did, but was directed to the left side of the church. An usher took her arm to escort her up that path and into the church. She was followed by James Jameson, and his three grandchildren, Billy, five, Ginny, nine, and George, ten.

Jake heard the door open opposite from the one he had entered. He glanced over the congregation to see Julie standing there on the arm of the usher. Jake arose and stood transfixed by the vision of the woman coming down the aisle. This was his wife whom he had lived with for only a little more than a year. The woman whom he had no contact with for almost twenty years, except for one short glimpse a couple of years ago.

God, she is lovely Jake thought as she came to the front and toward the middle aisle just across from where he was standing. If the two had stretched out their hands, they could have touched.

Julie couldn’t take her eyes off her husband, thinking he is more handsome than she remembered---so tall and distinguished now. He is my age, she thought. Not like the older woman standing behind Jake or the age of James standing behind me. I don’t know Jacob anymore. Oh, why did I do such a foolish thing so many years ago? I should have told my parents to go to the devil and Jake and I would have made our own way. What am I going to do if we are too much a stranger to each other? There is no doubt we are so very different than we were back then.

Across the aisle Jake could see the doubt and fear reflected in Julie’s face. Oh please Lord, make her still love me. I couldn’t stand it if we have come this far and we can’t have a life together. I would kill myself if that happens.

Just then Pastor James appeared and stood at the altar, pausing before saying anything. Mr. Burrows came in and sat down in the chair placed just off center of the middle aisle. He smiled at first Julie and then at Jacob. Both thought, you know if we ever had a chance to be happy, Mr. Burrows is the one that made it happen. God bless him.

“Congregation, would you all stand and sing the song listed on the board? If you don’t know it by heart, you will find it in the hymnal, page 403.” After the song the pastor said, “People, some of you know the story of this couple. In today’s time, what happened to this couple would never have been tolerated. We are here today to rectify that mistake. The story has all the classic mistakes that can be made when someone, or several someones, are misguided. This church is as much at fault in perpetrating what happened as the individuals involved.

“To begin with there are some here who would like to ask for forgiveness. No details need to be given. Each in his own way will know what is in his or her own heart to give or receive it. I will start by asking Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Hanson to forgive those of this church who were in power twenty years ago and thought it was the right thing to do. Will you forgive us?”

Pastor James looked at Julie. “Julia Hanson, what say you?”

Jake didn’t think Julie was prepared for this. Why hadn’t she had time to consider the request? He watched her as she stood with her head bowed. The silence lengthened. Finally, as some in the congregation became restless thinking she wasn’t going to answer, her head came up and in a firm, strong voice said, “I forgive.”

The pastor turned to Jacob. “Jacob Hanson, what say you?”

He was ready. “I forgive.”

Jake tensed up when the pastor turned to Mr. and Mrs. White. God, not them, he thought. They were the cause of this. “What say you, Mr. and Mrs. White?” His gaze swung over to Jake’s aisle and fastened on his father and mother, “and you, Mr. and Mrs. Hanson?”

Both sets of parents said in unison, “We forgive.”

“Do you, Julia Hanson, forgive your parents and Jacob’s parents for their misguided wishes that you followed?”

This time Julie spoke immediately. “I do fully forgive my parents and my in-laws, the Hansons.”

Jake’s turn came up and he copied Julie’s declaration. While he spoke he wondered who was targeted next. He soon found out. “Jacob Hanson, do you forgive your wife for any pain and suffering she may have caused you with her actions in the past?”

Jake paused before he spoke. He wanted to speak to his wife directly and let her know he still loved her. He turned and looked into her eyes. “I do forgive her and I would act the same again if she asked it of me.” A burst of gladness washed over her countenance. Jake knew he had reached her with the message he wanted to convey.

She returned with, “Jacob Hanson, I would forgive you anything in the world. Your memory for the last twenty years has been my guiding light.”

This was the last of the asking for forgiveness. The pastor then turned to Mr. Burrows. “Sir, you asked to say something. Would you care to speak now?”

“Yes, there are two people here that I would like to thank. They are the two that have kept Julie and Jake safe for each other for most of the time they have been separated. I’d like to introduce Mrs. Miriam Crumbly and give her my many thanks. Jake went to work for her agency sixteen years ago and very soon moved into a position of authority. Finding him a responsible young man, she asked him to mentor her fatherless children and be a surrogate father to them. They are the man and woman sitting beside him.” Mr. Burrows motioned for Millie and Stevie to stand.

“An almost identical thing has happened to Julie. She went to work for James Jameson about the same time. She managed his office with dispatch until Mr. Jamesons' son and his wife died in an accident, leaving three motherless and fatherless children in the care of their grandfather. He asked Julie to fill in as their mother, which role she fills to this day.

“In an unexpected way, I met Mrs. Crumbly and Mr. Jameson a few years ago, and with their help, we find us here today. A big thank you to both.” He sat down.

“Thank you Mr. Burrows. Would you, Julia Hanson and Jacob Hanson, join hands? I wish you the best with blessings, the best in resuming your life together after such a lengthy absence. Bless you.”

***************

Julia and Jacob knew this was the easy part. Julie had three children in her care and was living in the East. Jacob had a position and a surrogate family that he loved, who of course, loved him. He was living hundreds of miles away in the West. James rented a large room at the hotel where they all could get acquainted or reacquainted as the case might be. The parents were there too.

Jake led Julie to a small side room. “Julia, things look so hopeless. I don’t see how we can ever be able to live together.”

“Jake, James has thought about this a lot. He has a suggestion he wants to make. Would you listen to him, please? I know I have collected a lot of baggage, but I can’t just up and leave these children. They are having it pretty rough, losing their father and mother the way they have, but I do so want to be with you.”

“I can listen. I don’t see any solution that will make everyone happy though.”

“I will have James come in and tell us what he has in mind anyway.” She went out and came back with Miriam and James.

“First of all Mr. Hanson, my family and I have created an obstacle to your happiness. That hasn’t been my intention and was thrust suddenly upon me. Mrs. Crumbly has listened to what I am going to propose and although it hurts her, she has to agree it may be the only solution. First I need a manager in my real estate office since Julia left her position to take care of my grandchildren. The agency is slowly going downhill in sales. I understand from Mrs. Crumbly that you are more than qualified to take over and manage my agency.

“What I am proposing is for you to accept employment from me. Come and live with your wife while she cares for my grandchildren. I’m in my sixties. I have spoken briefly with Millie and Stevie. They both rave over how well you cared for them as their father. I want that for Billy, Ginny and George. Please, I beg of you to consider this.”

Jake studied him for a moment. “Are you sure you don’t want Julie to leave because of your own feelings for her? You want to keep her for yourself?”

This made James a little angry and Miriam obviously mad. “Jake, I’m disappointed in you. If you knew how long and hard James has worked so you could be with your wife more than three years earlier then you expected, you would fall down at his feet. I can tell you are jealous, but I assure you, you needn’t be.”

Jake debated. “Okay, I’m jealous. If you say I don’t have to be, Miriam, I believe you. I have always trusted you to know what is right. I am sorry and I apologize, Mr. Jameson.”

“Can we drop the Mr. and Mrs. all the way around? I think that will help. My sole purpose is to get you and Julia back together and still look out for my grandchildren.” Jake looked at Miriam and saw how pleased she was. Good.

Jake said, “I always thought Julia and I would return here to our home town. Actually there is nothing for employment here on the scale that I would need to support my wife. Your offer does sound like it is a good solution. However, is there anyway we could have some time together to talk things over? I haven’t done more than hold her hand in the last twenty years and that happened just this afternoon. I haven’t even kissed her yet.”

Miriam smiled. “Jake, we have at least thought that far ahead. Millie wants to get to know the children. She is going back with James while you and Julie have some time together. She has a week with them and then she wants to have a few days to get to know Julie. Stevie and I will handle everything until Millie gets home. Somehow we will muddle through until we get organized with your leaving.

“James and I, with the help of Mr. Burrows, have been planning this for months. The children have always been the difficult problem, but if you accept James’ offer, which by the way I urge you to do, things will work out. I’m thinking especially of you and Julie.”

***************

Julie and Jake retired to the wedding suite. Billy was the one that cried when he was told that Julie was not returning home with him just yet. Jake still had some resentment for the Whites when he said goodbye. But he thought he buried it pretty well. His Dad was tickled about the day, for he felt he would see more of his son now. Jake was amazed by how much Julie had changed. She was confident and easily talked to everyone. Some different than the young, depressed woman he had let slip away from him twenty years ago.

Neither had much to say to each other as they entered their room. Julie was the first to speak. “You know I have imagined this meeting for ages. I thought I would jump into your arms and tell you how much I love you. I find that you are a stranger and I’m going to have to get used to you again. Can you understand what I’m feeling?”

“Yes. For years I thought the first time I had you alone, I would rip your clothes off and plunge into you. I know what you mean, exactly. In fact I’m a little afraid of you and afraid you won’t love me and will leave me all alone again.”

“I know one thing that we should get out of the way. You are wondering about my life with James. He is a wonderful person and I care for him deeply, but in a platonic way now. I was intimate with him for years, but that part of our life slowed down some time ago and finally stopped. What is left is the deep friendship we built together. Was there ever a time I would have considered him as a husband? No, not as long as I had you out there waiting for me. You have been the only one that has ever claimed my heart. What about you and Miriam? I am curious, too.”

“Julie, Miriam took me into her home about a year after I went to work for her. She was looking for someone to be a father to Millie and Stevie. I am proud of what I have done with them. We were pretty passionate at first. This was when I had been away from you for nearly five years.

“Over time the sexual part of our life diminished and I haven’t been with her in over a year. I think it stopped soon after Millie’s wedding. At that time your James and my Miriam began planning on how to get us back together. I would like to think they were put before us to keep us with them until the stars aligned and we could be joined together again.”

“That is a beautiful way to look at it. That would put any lingering jealousy we have away and we can go forward. We were so young when we were first married. I think back and wonder how long we would have lasted given the circumstances we were living under at the time. I am fully confident that this time we are going to have a love that is made in heaven.”

Jake hugged Julie, thinking the bond between them was there and getting stronger all the time. Soon there would be nothing that could break it. That night, the intimacy wasn’t so much physical, but it was a night when two people were melding together to get back what they once had. In the morning Jake awakened first and when Julie opened her eyes, she found her husband looking deeply into them.

“You are the most beautiful person I know. When I first knew you, you were pretty, now you are truly beautiful.”

“Careful, husband of mine, with talk like that you will be starting something that we don’t have time for. It is there, just waiting for tonight. I promised my kids I would have breakfast with them before they left. Also, my mother and father want to speak to us alone this afternoon. I said we would.”

“You called them your kids. Am I going to have to compete with them for your affection?”

“I hope not Jake. I hope you will bond with them and become their father. Someday I would like you and I to adopt them. I have never mentioned this to James, but knowing him, he just might agree to it. I felt so bad when I lost our baby. Now twenty years later, I can give you three I have mothered.

“I must say I almost gave up on you when you were so cruel as to send me that lily on the anniversary of my miscarriage. I couldn’t believe you would do that to me. I cried all day until James came and comforted me.”

“Julie, what are you talking about? What lily? I don’t even remember what the date was when you lost the baby. I just remember it was December. I have set aside that month to especially pray and remember you. Christmas has always been sad, never joyful for me.”

“My God Jake, how I have wronged you. That is the only day in the whole twenty years that I thought I could hate you. Please forgive me. I don’t want to talk about it now, but sometime I will tell you how bad that day was for me.”

The hotel put everyone into a dining room by themselves. The kids looked askance at Jake, the two older ones realizing that Julie and he had slept together. They might even think that he was taking their mother away from them. There was no time like the present to try and dispel the thought. “George, you look like you play sports. What do you go in for?”

“I play Little League, Mr. Hanson. I’m hoping to pitch this year.”

Stevie Crumbly spoke, “Hey George, you’re in luck. Jake coached me all through little league and high school sports. He’s good. You’ve got it made.”

Millie saw what Jake and Stevie were trying to do. “Ginny, you better watch your heart when you are around Jake. He’ll steal it. I was so in love with him for so long. He knew it too. But he was always true to his wife even though she wasn’t there, but it is so much fun to think about.” Millie was blushing when she finished.

Julie had to promise Billy over and over that she would be home with him in just a few days, finally getting a little calendar for him to mark off the days until she was back with him.

Jake and Julie had a minute just before everyone left to speak to Miriam and James who were standing together. Jake said, “I was hoping to get you aside to say something and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Julie, I believe, feels the same way as I do. James, I want to thank you for keeping my wife safe for me all these years. Any benefit that you have received while she was with you I’m fine with. You have molded her into someone I can cherish forever.”

Julie, standing at his side, said to Miriam, “Jake has a way with words. I feel the same way about you as Jake feels about James. Thank you so much.”

***************

Jake met the Whites at the door of his suite that afternoon. A few minutes after that the Hansons were there too. Then Mr. Burrows came in escorting the Pastor James. Mr. Burrows said as they removed their wraps, “Jake and Julie, it is time you all put the past behind you. Your parents have finally seen what two fine people you are. They are so sorry they didn’t see it years ago. Yesterday was a public display of forgiveness. Today they would like to ask for it from their hearts and in private.

“I brought along the Pastor James to rededicate your marriage vows if you so wish. I’m hoping you will. Your parents are here and this time they want you to be married with all their hearts. They are here to bear witness.”

They so wished and the breach that had been there for over twenty years was healed.

Epiloge

Julia never knew who sent the lily that made her feel so bad. It was James. In one of the first talks with Julia she mentioned the date of her miscarriage. It was a fact he filed away. He thought that it was something that Julia would appreciate when he sent it. However when he saw how much it hurt her, he took her home with him. It was something he always felt guilty about, for it was that which drove Julia into his arms. He never told anyone and it remained a mystery forever.

Julia did get to wear the diamond jewelry that James had made especially for her. He gave them to Jake to give to Julie on their first Christmas together. Julie never let on that she knew where they came from originally, but thanked Jake profusely in James’ presence. It was something that James and Julie shared that Jake didn’t need to know about.

The End