Ten Years

Ten Years

happyhugo

Romance

16,674 Words

Copyright (C) 06/22/09 

Readers score  7.94

Young man meets a young woman
and falls in love. Over the years they
have problems. Eventually he becomes
guardian to two teenagers. All find
happiness.

Part 1

Jana came in and sat down at the table across from me. I was nursing my first coffee of the day. It had been a sleepless night for me. Again, last night was a night without love. Was I going to get an apology this time or a defiant explanation?

Jana and I had been married three years, come this Saturday. The first two years had been wonderful. It was all that a happy married life could be. That ceased when I suggested that we should start having a family. No way was that going to happen according to her. Jana Burns had come from a large family, seven siblings to be exact, of which she was the youngest. It was a very poor family and Jana had been the one on the end of the line that wore the worn out hand-me-downs.

Not only that, but by this time her mother was worn out too. Her older sisters and brothers left the nest as soon as possible, leaving her to take care of the house, two older brothers, a sick mother and a father that had decided to drown his troubles in beer and wine.

At sixteen she ran away but was returned by social services. In a way that was the saving of her, for she realized that if she was ever going to escape, she was going to need an education. So she worked and studied hard and graduated from high school near the top of her class. She had never been on a date. First of all because there was never the time and second because she didn’t have the clothes. All of her schoolmates considered her an angry loner and not worth the effort to get to know the true person within.

She found work in the local grocery chain store and applied herself. Most of her money went for food for her family. Relief came when her mother died of pneumonia and her father was killed in a bar fight a month later. The two brothers wanted her to continue to care for them. Neither were ambitious and never contributed to the household. The evening that they approached her, she agreed to think it over. The answer of course was to pack what few personal items she could lay claim to and walk out the door while they were sleeping.

Me, well in some ways my life paralleled hers, but only in the fact that I came from a large family. My family was a loving one and everyone worked. Even though funds were always short, we made do and saw that what little we had was shared. Jana and I met when I sat down beside her on a bus we were riding. Both of us were shy at first, but as the miles piled up behind us we started to talk. “My name is Jana Burns.”

“Mine is Rick Brooks. Where are you headed?”

“I don’t know, really. I handed the agent $95 and asked for a ticket to as far as that would take me. He said it was a little town in Idaho. If I wanted a bigger place, I should get off in Boise.”

“I’m heading to Boise to live with my sister and her family. You and I will be together that far. I have a job there in my brother-in-law Sam’s construction company.” Slowly Jana’s life story came out. It was sad for me to listen to it. Mine had been so happy, and hers was filled with heartbreak. I was almost twenty and Jana was about the same age. She stepped down with me at the bus station for a minute. I was waiting for my sister Ann, who was meeting me.

We were talking with our heads close together and I didn’t see my sister as she came up to me. She overheard me say to Jana that I hoped her life would be better in the future than it had been in the past. Ann poked me in the ribs to get my attention.

I turned and she was in my arms. We kissed and hugged for it had been two years since I had seen her. I think Jana was shocked for my sister and I kissed on the lips. Our family had always been demonstrative and this was the way we were raised. Ann stood back so I could look at her. I walked around her. “Well, your butt has gotten bigger since I saw you last and the way your tummy sticks out, it looks like you and Sam have been having fun again. You keep filling those jugs with milk every other year and they will be hanging down to your knees. God Sis, it’s good to see you.” I reached over and rubbed her tummy. “About four more months, right? Have you told Mom yet?”

“No, I wanted to surprise you so I haven’t. I’m going to call her tonight and tell her about it and that you got here okay. Who’s your friend?”

“This is Jana. We were seatmates most of the way here. She’s looking for work here in the city or in the next town. Jana, this is my favorite sister, Ann.”

“Hi Ann.”

“Do you have a place to stay tonight?” Jana shook her head. “Why don’t you come and have supper with us? You can even stay the night if you want. That is if Rick doesn’t mind sleeping on the couch.”

“Oh I couldn’t.”

I spoke. “Sure you can. You can see just what kind of crazy family I have. It’ll be fun.” Filled with uncertainty, Jana acquiesced and retrieved her bag from the bus just as it was getting ready to leave.

It was a couple of miles before we reached Sam’s construction office. “This is where I will be working,” I explained to Jana. He was off at a job site somewhere, so we continued on to the Becket home.

We met the neighbor lady who had been watching my niece and two nephews while Ann picked me up. “Ann, you got some crazy kids there.” She was smiling when she said this. “They were all good, though. I wish mine minded like yours do. Lucky you.” When I went in the three little ones landed on me. The youngest boy at two and a half, Tim, had been suckling at Ann’s breast when I had last seen him. Didn’t matter for he piled on me with Tom, four, and Phyllis, aged eight.

They wrestled me to the floor and I tickled them while they screamed. When it got too loud Ann said, “Stop.” The kids immediately got up and sat on the couch. Jana was introduced. The boys were quiet, but Philly went and spoke very formally about how pleased she was to meet a friend of Uncle Rick’s.

***************

Jana was there for the night and then for the week and then for the month. Six months later I made her my wife. We started married life in a construction trailer parked behind Sam and Ann’s house, spending much of our time with them at the house. When we had been married for a year, we purchased a small house in one of the developments that was springing up. Sam Becket had the contract for building all of them at this particular location.

I started thinking family now that we were finally living away from my sister. I was lonely and missed the camaraderie that I had with Sam, four kids and Ann. Jana didn’t overtly put it off, just asking to wait for awhile. Loving Jana as I did, I agreed to accept it for a time, but made sure that we talked about having a family every month or so. To stop my insistence she said okay and said she had stopped taking precautions. This made almost every night a happy night for me. It seemed to be for Jana also, for our times in bed were sweet, although she was somewhat reserved.

Months went by and Jana never became pregnant. One morning early, I needed to use her car, so went to her handbag for keys. As I was short of time I felt around in it and couldn’t feel keys so I dumped it on the kitchen table. Out tumbled two prescriptions for birth control pills. I stared at them. They were filled recently and overlapped so she would be sure not to run out. I took the keys and went to work, leaving the jumble of contents from her bag just as I had dumped it.

I walked in the house that evening and Jana was at the table with the contents of her bag just as I had left it. “You know now why I’m not pregnant, don’t you? I’m sorry Rick.”

“Just tell me why you are so dead set against starting a family.”

“I have bad genes. Look at where I come from. I love you and we have a good sex life.”

“I wish we had this conversation before I asked you to marry me. I feel as if I have been had. Sex is good, but I must confess it takes a lot to get you to relax and enjoy it.”

“I know Rick, and I’m sorry. I just love you so much. You have a large family, why can’t that be enough? You have dozens of nieces and nephews.”

“Would you consider adoption?”

“No, that would be worse. Who knows what genes they would have? They might even have some of my own and I wouldn’t know it. Maybe we should divorce.”

“You know my thoughts about divorce and you knew them before we married. No!”

“So what can we do? Can’t we just go on like we have been?”

“I don’t know. I’ll try. We have both lost the trust and honesty I thought we had.” Jana put her head down and tears puddled on the table. I had never been more disappointed than I was right now.

Ann immediately knew that something was wrong when we went for our weekly get-together. After supper that night, I took Jana home and returned and discussed it with my sister. Ann partially took Jana’s side, which surprised me. “Rick, giving birth is a fearful thing, if that is her problem. I don’t believe in her fear of bad genes. Your kids are what you make of them. Maybe that is her problem.”

“What should I do then? I wanted a family much like you have.”

“Well don’t do anything drastic without thinking it through. I have never seen a person love another like she does you.”

“I’m terribly disappointed, but I will see if I can get over it.”

“That would be best.”

When I got home to Jana she asked, “Did your family trash me?”

“No, in fact Ann can see your side of some of it. Your excuse about genes she doesn’t believe, for she says your kids are what you make them. Are you that afraid of having a baby?”

“I can’t answer that. Just the thought of it and I’m petrified. You want me to get pregnant just to see what it is going to do to me?”

Jana was staring at me with a fearful look, waiting for my answer. “No I won’t do that to you.” I pulled her to her feet and hugged her. Our tears mingled and we shortly made our way to bed. Tonight I didn’t attempt to make love.

A week went by. “Jana, would you do one thing for me?”

“Anything, you know that. Well, except, you know. What is it?”

“Would you go with me to a doctor and find out if you are unable to have a child? If he tells me there might be any danger to you, I can accept that. I mean you are tall and very slim, so it is a possibility. Most people think the ideal woman has a fat ass and big boobs.” This brought the first smile from my wife since last week. Thin shanks and pancakes were a more apt description of my wife.

My suggestion only made our problem worse. The doctor’s report said that Jana had an ideal wide pelvic childbearing region and her breasts would fill adequately with milk, although they would shrink down again.

A week later I was sitting down nursing my first coffee of the morning when Jana came in and sat across from me. No sex last night as was usual now. She appeared ready to say something. I wondered if it would be another apology or some defiant words about it. I had to face the fact it was her body and she should not have to have a baby if she didn’t want one.

“Rick, I’ve decided that you and I should separate if you don’t want to consider a divorce. My beliefs are as strong as ever and I’m sure yours are too. We are tearing each other up. I think you love me as much as I love you. You feel I put one over on you about my not wanting children. I honestly thought I would get over my fears, but as you know, they have grown stronger.

“With my problem, you know I am always going to be faithful to you. I will not hold you to the same standard. It wouldn’t be fair. If you find someone you can have sex or love without being married to, I give you my permission. This way you may be able to have a somewhat normal life. I have the separation papers all made out. You only have to sign them.”

“Is this what you honestly want?”

“No, of course not. I want things back the way they were before you found my birth control pills. I can see you feel there is no use to make love to me if there is no possible way I can get pregnant. I guess we can’t go back. You have been cheated long enough.” It was a long frustrating month before I gave up and signed the separation papers.

***************

Jana was prepared to move out, but I convinced her that it should be me. I could find a place to settle into much easier than her. Finances weren’t much of a stumbling block as we were only separating. Both of us were working, she in a large convenience store and if I left working for Sam, I could find another position easily enough. I promised I would send half the mortgage to Jana. I left her our car and bought a fifty-dollar-junker-pickup from Sam’s construction.

I turned east with a few hundred bucks in my pocket and no destination. I thought back. This was the same position as Jana was in when I first met her. I ended up the first day in a coal mining town in Wyoming. A new strip mine had just been opened and workers were pouring in. I knew there would be jobs everywhere, some in my line of work. It might not pay as well as working in the mine, but would be a lot more comfortable. I had a job with a construction company and was working before noon the next day. Quarters were at a premium, but I managed to find a room five miles out of town. The house was owned by a widow of forty and money was very tight. She had two young daughters, thirteen and fifteen.

I was soon taking my meals and spending evenings helping with homework, etc. The mother, Velma, had been beautiful at one time, but widowhood and the cares of raising two children had beat her down. I had been there about a year when one evening after the girls had gone to bed she knocked on my door. “Rick, would you come out and let me ask you something?”

“Sure, I’ll be right out.” I went out and followed Velma into the living room.

“Rick, I have a problem. I’ve known you for a year and there isn’t anyone I trust more than you with my daughters. Sandy has just turned sixteen and is beginning to be a handful with boys and all. Katie is fourteen and is growing up almost as fast as Sandy. They listen to you more than to me sometimes.” She paused before continuing, “There is no easy way to tell you my problem. I only have a few months to live. The girls don’t know it yet and I haven’t figured out how to tell them. If you would become their guardian, it would give them something to hang onto instead of feeling they were all alone in the world.

“I don’t have any close relatives and all of my husband’s family are dead as far as I know. I need a guardian for the girls. I’ve talked to an attorney and he says this can be done without too much trouble. You talk a lot about your wife and I know you are not together. Is there any reason why a court would stop your guardianship from being put in place? I mean what is the difficulty between you and your wife?” I knew she wasn’t prying for herself, but for her daughters. “If this is too personal or painful, I’m sorry.”

“No, under the circumstances, I’ll explain. My wife and I still love each other very much. She has a phobia about being pregnant and having a baby. She is wonderful with my sister’s bunch of four. I don’t believe in divorce, so that is why we are apart. I can’t sleep with her every night, have sex with her and know it won’t produce any children. It is a catch twenty-two.”

Velma looked at me as if I was crazy. “And I suppose after she is beyond childbearing age, you won’t sleep with her for the same reason? You’re a fool Rick unless you really don’t love her?” Again this was a question.

I bowed my head. This is something I hadn’t thought about. It came to me with a rush what a damned conceited fool I was. Jana had an honest problem that terrified her and I was thinking only of myself. “Velma, as far as being a guardian to Sandy and Katie are concerned, it will be an honor to look after them. Also you have opened my eyes to what an ass I have been to my wife. It is late, but I think I will call her right now.”

“Hello. It’s late.”

“Jana, it’s me. I’m calling to tell you I love you. Do you still love me?”

“Yes Rick, I still love you. Why are you calling tonight? Are you in trouble?”

“No, but a friend of mine is. I’d like to help her out, but I would need your cooperation.”

Jana didn’t say anything for a minute. “I suspect it is something to do with a child, knowing your fixation about having kids.” This crushed me. Jana hadn’t got beyond our original problem at all.

“Would you let me tell you about the problem before you put up objections?”

“I guess. Go ahead.”

“Okay, but first let me tell you how much I have missed you. There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought about you. I’ve puzzled every day how we could resolve our differences. That said, I moved into an extra room that a widow had for rent. She needed the money and I needed a place to live. She informed me tonight that she has absolutely no family except her two daughters, whom I have become almost a father figure to. She found out today that she has inoperable cancer. She has asked me to be their guardian until they become of age.”

“And of course you have said yes, haven’t you? You know my feelings on the subject. Why did you call me? You just want to upset me again?”

“No, I didn’t. This friend of mine asked me a question that has made me think. She asked me if when you were beyond childbearing age, was I going to stop loving you because you couldn’t have a baby. I didn’t get to it before this other, but I was going to tell you I could consider you were beyond childbearing age right now. I find I still love you and don’t care that you won’t or can’t have a baby. I love you. Those are my feelings, changed as they are.”

I kept talking. “Now as far as my friend’s children. They need someone to watch over them. This lady is going to have a rough time before she goes to heaven and her girls are going to have a bad time with it, for they love their mother very much and are going to miss her. It is going to be a bad few months for me as well. A person always has too few friends and I’m going to miss this one greatly when she leaves.

“I’m sorry to have upset you. It is late and I have to work tomorrow. I have a lot to think about concerning how I’m going to handle this. I love you.” I hung up the phone and turned. Velma had been in the room all the time and heard everything.

“You were a bit hard on your wife. I’m sorry for that. Does this make things worse for you?”

“Not really. Jana has always been paranoid about this. We should never have been married and wouldn’t have been if I had known. I think I made a big concession tonight.”

“How come you haven’t divorced and each moved on?”

“I don’t believe in divorce and that is something Jana knew when we married. That is why I feel I have been cheated when she says no babies and no adoption. Being a guardian to Sandy and Katie will be almost the same as having children and I will care for them as I would as if they were my own. Jana would make them a wonderful sister, but I don’t suppose that will ever happen.”

“Keep the faith and maybe you can find some common ground. Maybe I should look for a different solution.”

“No, please don’t do that. If Jana and I can’t work this out, I’ll need Sandy and Katie as much as they need me.”

There was a flurry of activity between Velma and I. We met twice with Velma’s attorney and twice with social services. Finally I signed the papers that made me officially a guardian of Sandy and Katie with the ability to act on their behalf in all matters. That Sunday after dinner Velma broke the sad news to them. The only bright spot for them was when she announced that I was their guardian and would act much like a father would, if they wished. They did. There were more than enough tears and I don’t suppose those would dry up until after Velma was laid to rest.

Ann called later one evening looking for information about my guardianship to a couple of kids. Jana had been over several times to see if she could find out if Ann knew any details. At first it was “What was I thinking?” and then when I was able to explain fully, she congratulated me on doing the only thing possible. My sister was really excited when I declared that the papers had already been signed.

I promised to send a lot of pictures and I said just as soon as school was out all of us would come and visit if Velma was still able to travel. Before she hung up Jana took the phone. “Rick, I gather you’ve already done this thing?”

“Yes. Their mother and I told them this afternoon. It is pretty sad around here.”

“Does this mean I have to care for them if you and I get back to living together?”

“Not if you don’t want them. They are old enough to live close by where I can be with them and hire a nanny part of the time.”

“That’s going to cost money isn’t it?”

“Yes, but there will be some insurance money. Enough maybe to keep them until they reach eighteen.”

“How old are they anyway? You have never said.”

“You haven’t asked. Sandy is sixteen and Katie is fourteen.”

“I didn’t realize they were that old. Are they pretty?”

“Very pretty. Sandy looks much like Ann did at that age. Ask her to dig out her school picture and it is almost a perfect image of Sandy. Katie is going to be truly beautiful. Not only that, their mother has done a fine job of giving them some manners and morals. I just hope I can keep them going in the right direction.”

“You sound excited about them. Rick, I’ve been thinking about what you said when you called last time. I’ve missed you much more this week than I ever have before. I’d like to make love the way we used to.” There was a catch in her voice.

“I’d like that. It will be a little while though. There is going to be a lot of pain and sadness here before we can come together. I know you should be my first duty, but I have to do this.”

“There is a better future for us then?”

“For sure.” Velma looked to me when I hung up. I answered the question by hugging her and saying, “She was much more understanding tonight.”

Velma’s health deteriorated very swiftly. If it hadn’t been for my calls to Ann and occasionally to my wife, I couldn’t have kept the girls spirits up, for mine were so low. The day the doctor told me it would be only a couple of weeks before Velma slipped from us, I called my sister. “Ann would you ask Jana to come to me? I really need her. I’d like her to at least meet the mother of the girls before I have total control over their lives. I’m still hoping Jana will give me some help with them. If she doesn’t then I will have to ask you to guide me.”

“I’ll convince her if I have to scream at her. Expect her the day after tomorrow. If she doesn’t come, I’ll send Sam. I promise. Someone from the family also will be there by your side when she is laid to rest. I can’t for Sam has been busy again and number five is due shortly. I was going to surprise you. You take care and tell Velma and the two girls I’m thinking of them.”

Jana was sitting holding Velma’s hand as she lay on the couch covered with a heavy blanket when I got home from my last day of work. I had accrued enough time so I thought it would last until Velma was gone. I had made no plans for either the children or myself beyond what was happening now. The nurse had been in and administered the painkiller that she received every three hours. The next four shots would be given by me at the correct intervals as I had been shown how to by the nurse. This kept Velma at home where her daughters could be with her.

Jana got up and faced me, unsure how she would be received. I took her in my arms and kissed her, not letting her go when the kiss ended. “You are as beautiful as ever. I missed you. Thank you for coming. I needed you.” I didn’t know what more to say to make my wife more welcome. It was enough as a smile burst from Jana’s face. I went to Velma and asked how she was, kissing her on the forehead.

“I’m fine. The nurse was here and your lovely wife has been here for the last hour. I could use some ice water. My mouth is so dry all the time now.” I went into the kitchen with Jana following me.

“That woman tells me you are such a great friend. All she has talked about since I arrived is how good you have been to her and the girls.”

“Yes, well they have needed some help and I was here, so why not? The girls will be home in a few minutes. Sandy will get us some supper. It’s Katie’s turn to clean up, so we can have some time to talk while Sandy is in with her mother. I’ll go in and give Velma her medicine at nine. I have to do it again at midnight and again at three. Actually I have been sleeping in her room the last couple of days, so I don’t have to set the clock. When the pain gets too bad, she speaks to me and I just give her the shot. We talk a few minutes and then we both sleep until she wakes me for the next one.” Jana looked at me strangely, but didn’t say anything.

Katie was the first home from the dollar store where she had a job stocking shelves. Katie was tall and slim with newly budding breasts. She had beautiful dark hair and a white near perfect complexion for a teenager. She handed me her pay envelope and I counted out her allowance, putting the balance in a coffee can in the cupboard. “Mr. B, how is Mom tonight?”

“About the same as yesterday. Katie, this is my wife Jana. I’d like you to become friends. She will be here for awhile.”

As I said this Sandy came in, not seeing Jana. She stepped to me and kissed me as she asked how her Mom was. Sandy was stocky, with a little excess baby fat. She was buxom for her age and you could tell by the way she moved that under ordinary circumstances she was a happy person. As I was detailing her mother’s health, I took her pay envelope and counted out her allowance, putting the remainder up in the cupboard. “Can I have an extra dollar this week?”

“If you want, but how many zits did you get the last time you had an extra dollar for candy?”

She flashed me a smile. “Too many.”

“Sandy, stay still for a minute. I want you to meet my wife, Jana. She is staying for a few days.” The two people, one a woman and the other almost one, surveyed each other. Jana came through.

“Sandy, I’m terribly sorry about your mother.” Tears were in her eyes so Sandy knew how serious she was. Sandy went to her and started sobbing. This was the first real tears I had seen since the night when Velma broke the news. I think crying was necessary for both girls, although Katie had not shown the depth of sorrow that Sandy had. I knew she would feel the loss of her mother much deeper than her out-going sister.

Supper was a simple soup and sandwich. I sat a minute with Katie while she picked up. Katie informed me that I was to sleep with my wife and she would wake me when it was time for me to go to her mother. No one was near and she said this in such a way, I intently peered at her. For just a minute her feelings were laid bare by looking directly into my eyes. She was jealous of Jana. Katie broke her gaze and turned away. “Katie.” She turned back. “Katie, I’m way too old.”

“I know. Our lives are just out of sync. No one would believe a fourteen-year-old could have these feelings, but I do. I just wanted you to know. I was afraid you might laugh at me.”

“I couldn’t do that. I’ll keep your feelings in a little box in my heart and sometimes I will open it up and see the treasure that lies within.”

“You do understand. Who knows, someday the time will be right for you to open the box and we will look at it together. Now go to mother. I’ll be in after a few minutes alone.”

Jana watched me give Velma her scheduled shot at nine to relieve her pain. I usually laid down with Velma for a few minutes at this time. Sometimes I got up again if she was able to get to sleep and I always returned so I would be there for her at midnight.

Jana had not changed much in the year since I had seen her. I doubt that I had either. Being in the same room with her was like being in a room with a stranger, that is until we slipped into bed and laid next to each other. Then the love came pouring forth. We snuggled together for a time, just holding each other. Then we talked, not about ourselves, but about this family that was shortly going to be burying their principal member.

Jana knew that I had signed the guardianship papers for the two girls. She had to accept it. “I don’t know about Sandy living with us. Her figure is too outstanding compared to mine. The last thing Ann said to me was that her family is getting so big she needs help. One of the girls could go live with her.”

“I haven’t thought about what I’m going to do yet. The girls may not want to be split up, even if they are in the same city. I’d like them to have some say in the matter. I want them to be as happy as we can make them. You know with the addition of one room, they both could stay with us. You do want me to come home don’t you?”

“Yes. I’ve decided to compromise and really work out our problem. I just didn’t expect to have two other people involved.”

“Look at the girls’ situation. It must be similar to when you lost your mother.”

“Nowhere near the same. I hated all of my family. At least in this one there is love and of course you are here to carry on for them. If you had been near me where I could reach out to you back then and love you, I might feel different. Did you know that my oldest sister died in childbirth? Mom died the next year, which was a blessing. If she hadn’t, I’d still be stuck there. I couldn’t stand my drunken father and my two lazy brothers were just around to make me do for them.”

“You had a sister die in childbirth? You never told me that.”

“Yes and she didn’t even have a husband. I can see that if you have someone to love you, it might be easier to have a baby. The horror of having to give birth when there is no one there with you petrifies me.”

“Jana, I would always be there for you.”

“I know. I’m trying to get over my fear and I’ll try harder. Maybe it will help with the girls around. I hope so, then, maybe not.”

“We don’t have to settle it tonight. We are at least talking. Tonight you are here in my arms and I can do more than just think about you.” We snuggled closer and Jana went to sleep. I lay there waiting for Katie to come and announce it was time for Velma’s medication. Then my thoughts turned to Katie herself. I was going to be the best guardian for her there ever could be.

There was no chance for us to be intimate. Even when both girls were out of the house, it didn’t seem right for us to join in lovemaking while a woman lay dying in the next room. It was a good time for us in another way. Velma helped too when she was able. Jana told her of the phobia that had caused us to separate.

Velma gave her a different slant on the situation. “Dear Jana, women have borne children since time began. Many women have had the same fear that you have. But even with that they have gone ahead and given their husband the chance to carry on his line even though they might die trying. It has to be freely given though. I can’t believe that Rick would be one to demand it of you. From what little he has told me, your separation came about because he wanted to remove the temptation of making demands on you. I think he loves you very much to be away from you as long as he has.”

This was applying our separation to our past actions. “No I think you are wrong Velma. I think we were both pigheaded, drew a line in the sand and refused to step across it. The only ones we have hurt are ourselves.

“Velma, you have solved my problem. I’m going to try and mother your daughters the best I can. Maybe I can have the courage to have a daughter of my own someday. Would you allow me to say I love you and thank you?”

Velma was alone when we had our next conversation. “Rick you can’t know the joy it has been to have you with me this past year. I’m glad I was able to meet Jana and I just know you two will be happy. Bring the girls in to me just as soon as they come home. Rick, about my girls. I don’t worry about Sandy. She is just like any other teenager of this time. She goes along day-to-day happy with enough to eat and a place to live and she makes friends easily. Katie is different as you’ve noticed. She is fourteen going on twenty-five. Her fourteen-year-old mind has done something that I’m afraid she won’t be able to let go of. I worry that it will screw up her life, forever, especially if she is taken advantage of.”

“You mean like falling in love with an older man who is married?”

“Yes, exactly that. You know how she feels then?”

“I have discovered what she feels. We have discussed it just a little. Both of us realize the situation is hopeless at the present time. Years down the road, if we are both free, we will talk. Other than that, there is nothing for us.”

“I knew I was right to trust you. Now let me rest until Sandy and Katie come. I’m still able to plan how I want my funeral to be. I will leave it to them to carry my wishes out and afterward they are in your hands.” A day later, Velma slipped into a coma and three days after that she passed away.

Part 2

I called Ann immediately. She asked me not to schedule the funeral for four days. She informed me two of my older brothers and one older sister were coming. A niece and her husband would be coming from the east coast. This niece is three years younger than me. Sam, Ann’s husband and my former boss, was coming with Phyllis, my niece, who had just turned twelve. Jana made a face when she heard Philly was coming. Sandy saw that and questioned why.

“Philly has had a crush on me since she was a little girl and I kid her about it. It will wear off as she begins to meet boys her own age. I had a crush on one of my aunts when I was growing up.”

This was a new side of me that Sandy and Katie had never heard about. I had always seemed so serious to them. “Rick acts like a three-year-old when he is around kids. Wait until you meet Ann and her whole tribe. He is perfectly foolish. Ann will have added another to the four by that time, too, so I expect it will keep going on all his life. I can just imagine what is going to happen when some of his family get here for your mother’s funeral.”

I related to the girls what went on in my large and loving family while I was growing up. I explained how they would see a lot of hugging and kissing going on, even between the men, for this was how the family expressed affection. Sandy questioned, “Doesn’t a husband ever get jealous if his wife kisses her brother-in-law?”

I replied, “No, not ever. If a wife and someone other than her husband went into a room alone and kissed to hide it, that would be a shameful act and unthinkable in our family culture. Someday when there are second cousins or third cousins, it is possible they might fall in love. Before they went and hid their kissing, they would know enough to go and ask their parents if it was permissible. I mention all of this because the day your mother chose me to be your guardian, you came under the family umbrella and are expected to act accordingly. Sandy, if one of my brothers says what a beautiful young lady you are when he kisses you, he will mean just that and I guarantee he has no thoughts, other than to compliment your looks.”

This discussion took their mind off the sad event that was going to happen in a couple of days. My family arrived the day before the funeral and just about filled up the small motel where Ann made reservations. Sam and Philly came in from Idaho. Ann sent her love and had the wish to be with the family, but she was just heading for the birthing center as Sam was leaving. He called on arrival and found out that he was the father of a baby girl. Jana was upset with Sam. “Shouldn’t you be with her?”

“Naw, I was with her for the last four. I had to promise to be there for number six though. That’ll be the last one. Making babies is hard work and I’m retiring after that.” He let out a roaring laugh. Jana wasn’t up to his coarse jokes. The family knew that he dearly loved Ann and really would have preferred to be at his wife’s side.

Ashley and Pete, my niece and nephew, came in an hour after my two brothers and my sister. They looked tired as they had driven non-stop from Pennsylvania. Ashley was twenty-one and Pete had just turned forty. Nineteen years difference in ages. It hit me then that I had told Katie I was too old for her. I was only ten years older than her, when there was nineteen between my niece and her husband. I glanced at her. She looked hurt. Sometime I was going to have to explain my thinking and it had to be soon if she was going to trust her guardian.

Sandy received hugs and kisses and reveled in it. Katie stood by my side. Body language indicated that she needed to know these people better before she could accept the greetings wholeheartedly. My family didn’t push it. Jana had not met my sister and one of the brothers before this. My sister was built much as Jana was. “Jana, I’m pleased to meet Rick’s wife. You and I have a lot in common besides loving him you know.”

“What is that?”

At least Mary whispered what it was. “I can see you and I suffer from the same malady.” Jana was waiting. I was shaking with laughter. Katie felt it as I was holding her hand. Mary finished, “We ain’t got no breasts. It is a blessing though when you see what some women have to lug around.”

Jana looked shocked at first and then smiled. Katie gave my hand a little squeeze. I think she appreciated Jana getting commented on. Philly spoke, “I’ve got more than you have Aunt Mary and I’m only twelve.”

“I know, but you better hope they stop growing and don’t get as big as your Grandma Becket’s.”

“Women are never satisfied. Remember there is someone out there to love you no matter what size your breasts are.” This time Jana squeezed my hand.

Jana drifted away to talk to Mary. “Katie, I’d like to have you know my family to make you feel you are a part of it. I’m going to sit you there on the end of the couch. To make you feel welcome, one by one someone of them will come and talk to you. Before the evening is over, you will be family. I promise it will help you get through tomorrow. Would you trust me?”

“Yes.” I circulated and talked with first my oldest brother and then was joined by my sister. Ashley spent much time with Katie. Sandy as usual flipped from one person to another. When almost everyone had said a few words to Katie, I returned to her side.

Brightly, she declared, “I’m going to sing a song that Mama loved at the service tomorrow. I didn’t know that your family was musical. George brought his guitar and Mary is going to play the violin. Ralph has a keyboard. They all know the song and say they have played it many times. I think Mama will hear it, wherever she is.”

“What is it? I may know it too.”

“The name of it is Lonesome Waltz. Jim Reeves is the only one I have heard sing it. It is a love song and Daddy used to sing it to Mama. I think it is sad, but beautiful. It should be appropriate.”

“I’m sure it will be. Do you need to rehearse it with them?”

“It would help.”

“I’ll ask them to set up. We have all but two of the rooms here so I’m sure the owner won’t mind. I want to say a few words about your mother tomorrow so I’m going home as I want to write them up. I’ll hear it tomorrow when you sing it. Will you be okay here until someone brings you home?”

“That would be great.” She wanted to say something else. “What should I call you as my guardian? I’ve always called you Mr. B, but that doesn’t seem right.”

“I agree. Either Rick or Ricky if you want. Rick is more mature, but Ricky is more friendly.”

“I’ll decide.”

Jana opted to stay, so I went home alone and worked on what I was going to say.

***************

I was still up when Jana, Sandy and Katie were dropped off by Ashley. She stopped just for a minute. “Rick, you’ve collected quite a singer for the family. You should have stayed to hear her. You missed something, but then you will hear her tomorrow. I’m really impressed.”

She had no more than left when Sam came in with Philly. “Philly wants to stay here with Sandy and Katie. Is that okay?”

Katie spoke up. “She can sleep with me. Sandy can sleep in Mom’s bed. You said you wanted to.”

“Sure, I don’t mind.”

Jana raved over Katie’s voice. “You know I thought Katie was shy and reticent. Once the music started, she changed. She can really belt out a song and the feeling she puts into a sad song makes tears come to your eyes. Did you know about her singing?”

“No, this is as much a surprise to me as it is to you. Let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day.”

The funeral parlor was almost full of people. There were few there that knew Velma, but some came out of respect for the girls and for me, too. Some of the men I worked with came. Jana, and seven members of my family were in attendance and there were some of the girls’ friends. The minister had never met Velma in life and so he depended on me to say a few personal words.

It was a simple ceremony for Velma Chase. The call to worship and then Ralph played on the keyboard while Mary sang ‘Just a Closer Walk with Thee’ for the opening hymn. The scripture reading was the 23rd Psalm. We all sang ‘Jesus Loves Me,’ the words being printed in the program.

The minister spoke. “Mr. Rick Brooks will now give the eulogy.”

“Velma Chase was my friend. I came here to work and rented a room from Velma and she was in many ways a mother to me. She saw that I was fed and washed my clothes and of an evening we talked about her husband and her children and how much she loved them and was loved by them. I came to love her and respect her with the same feelings she displayed for her own family. When it came time and she found her time on earth was limited, she turned to me with concern for what would happen to Sandy and Katie.

“This woman whose mate was taken from her way too early and her own life that was ending only five short years later, coped by finding a friend. A friend to care for those she was leaving behind. Velma had given me a time of ease and comfort and earned the right to pass on the gift of putting her children in my care. Velma, thank you.”

I let my eyes find Sandy and Katie. “Here today are many of my family to welcome these two young people into our arms. My wife is here. I have two brothers and a sister and two nieces and a brother-in-law here. Those are just the ones that were able to make it in the short time possible. We are here to integrate them into our family, but also to help them remember their mother who was truly a wonderful mother and friend.

“My niece and nephew will now sing the closing hymn, ‘Bless Be the Tie That Binds.’ Immediately following the service there will be a songfest of some of Velma’s favorite songs. Katie will sing the song that her father sang to her mother. You will find out just why I consider that Velma passed on a gift.”

My family was able to use the sound system for the songfest. Soon music poured forth. Some songs happy, some sad, but all sung with feeling by my family. There was a short pause. Katie came to the microphone. “I have three songs I would like to sing. ‘Whispering Hope,’ I’m sure you all know. ‘On the Wings of a Snow White Dove’ most have heard. I’m going to sing ‘Lonesome Waltz,’ the song my father sang to Mom. You may have never heard it, but I think it is beautiful.”

Katie sang the first two with Mary, George, Ralph and Ashley singing the chorus. The last one, no chorus, Katie sang straight through. I think everyone there thought she was singing directly to them. At least I felt she was singing to me, anyway.

Lonesome Waltz 

When a record starts to spinnin’
And love words make a song
I think of a million sweethearts
But only one I could own
Today your life is music
And famous they say you will be
Darling sometimes write
A lonesome waltz for me

Put in some pretty love words
As fresh as the summer rain
I’ll furnish pretty teardrops
And pretend you’re mine again
And if someday you find
You’re just a used-to-be
Please come back and dance
This lonesome waltz for me

When a story’s told in music
For millions to hear its cry
There’s always someone lonesome
Who’ll hang their head and cry
A waltz so soft and touching
A love so cold and lost
Darling for old-time sake
Let’s dance the lonesome waltz

***************

It took two weeks to settle things in Wyoming. Jana was a big help in keeping the girls distracted from the sorrow of losing their mother. At first Jana resented Sandy with her lush almost-woman’s body. But within a few days she found Sandy so warm and companionable they soon became friends. Not so with Katie who was quiet and reserved. She and my wife did not bond at all. I made sure my relationship with Katie was no different than mine with Sandy and showed no favoritism between the two young ladies.

I realized that Katie wanted to talk to me about something and when I could I made time for us to be alone without Jana and Sandy being aware what I was doing. “Come Katie, I can see you have something you want to say to me.”

“Yes Ricky, I’m hurt. When we talked last, you said you were too old for me. Ashley is nineteen years younger than Pete. I’m only ten years younger than you. You accept it in them but not in me.” Tears were filling her eyes.

“There is a difference. First if I had said you are too young for me, wouldn’t that have hurt you more than when I said I was too old? But let me tell you about Ashley and Pete. Pete lived next door to one of my sisters and was a great friend of the family. Ashley adored Pete and always had a crush on him, but he was married. Remember, I grew up near Ashley and I was her confidant in many things so I knew about her feelings. It looked so hopeless. This was when she was about your age or even a little younger.

“When Ashley turned fifteen, Pete found out his wife of ten years was cheating on him so he divorced her. Ashley was still too young and Pete at this time was thirty-four. Ashley brazenly went to Pete and told him how she felt. He used much the same words as I used to you, and advised her to find love in her own age group. So she dated, lost her virginity, and partied heavily, but in all this time Pete was the man in her heart.

“Pete was pretty much soured on women and avoided them as much as possible. The day Ashley turned eighteen she went across to his house and confronted him. I never learned the details. I suspect she seduced him, but they started dating and shortly before she turned twenty, they were married. They have been married almost two years and couldn’t be happier.”

I motioned for Katie to come sit next to me. “Our situation is very much as hopeless as Ashley and Pete’s. I have a wife and you can see I love her and I won’t do anything to destroy that love albeit we do have bumps in the road. I have more warm feelings for you than I should have and I recognize those same ones in you. I am going to give you the same advice that Pete gave Ashley. Live your life with those of your own age group. Explore this talent you have for singing. I will help you in every way I can.”

Katie looked at me. “I know all you say is true. Thank you for explaining about Ashley and Pete. I was hurt, but maybe not so much now. I can see where there is no life for us unless there is a change. A change we have no control over. You are my guardian and I will take your advice. I have something for you.” Katie got up and went into her room. She came back with a paper in her hand.

“I sang a song saying it was mother’s favorite, but it was really a song I was singing to you. I wrote out the words. Would you put them in the box you spoke about? If it is ever possible, someday the box may open and we can sing the song together. Ricky, just one time, would you give me a lovers kiss?”

Wrong I knew, but I complied, gently caressing her face with my fingers and following with little love pecks on her brow, her eyelids, her cheeks and finally her lips. She lay passive in my arms as if she was dreaming. Not much later we heard Jana and Sandy returning. Katie opened her eyes, kissed me with more passion than I dared show her. She stood. “Thank you Mr. B, I feel that someday I will receive kisses and more from you, my love.”

Jana came through the door. “Where’s Katie?”

“In her room. She wrote out the words of that song she sang at her mother’s funeral. I thought it was beautiful.”

Jana looked at the paper I was holding in my hand. “Oh yes, lost love and all that stuff. Doesn’t make sense to me. Misses her mother, no doubt.” I saw things much differently.

I was home after a year’s absence. Much different, now. Sam only had part-time work for me. My expenses were greater for I had two teenagers to support. Jana chaffed at the lack of funds. She got along fine with Sandy, but never warmed to Katie, saying she was too intense. Ann could use help with her five children so Katie made the move to live with her and Sam. The atmosphere immediately brightened at home. Yes, I was more at ease too, for I didn’t have the young lovely Katie to look at everyday.

Jana and I reached an agreement on birth control and she had an operation preventing the chance of pregnancy. However, this did something to my psyche. I had pushed sex into the recesses of my mind for a year and now when it was before me, I found it was something I didn’t have much need for. To compensate and with extra time on my hands, I signed up for a real estate salesman course.

Jana was working in a convenience store and Sandy was working at the same location part-time. Sandy spent all of her money on clothes and incidentals, so she wasn’t a burden on my pocket. Katie, working for Sam and Ann, saved the little money she was paid for singing lessons. I gave her money from my small disposable income for an allowance. Our total income was sufficient for all of our needs, we just had to be cautious.

One year went by and then two. I asked Sandy what she wanted for a graduation present. She laughingly replied, “A grown-up date with my guardian.”

I looked across the room at Jana, whom I suspected had already agreed to what Sandy was asking. “And what would you want this date to consist of?”

"You know, a dressy dress, dinner in a nice restaurant, a show at the theater," her face got red, "and maybe a goodnight kiss on the doorstep when you bring me home."

“You’ve been out on dates with boys a lot these last few months. Why would you want to have me take you out?”

“Because my dates have all been boys. You are the only man that I would feel safe with. I’m going to cosmetology school in a couple of weeks. I want everyone to know I’m not just a school kid.”

“This sounds like a plan. Do you have something suitable to wear?”

“Not yet, but Jana promised to help me find something. Will you take me?”

“Yes, of course. I even have some money so you can get your hair done and there should be enough to pick out some shoes after you purchase your dress.”

“So are you going to kiss her when you bring her home?” Jana posed this question after we went to bed.

“Of course. I’ve kissed her before, why wouldn’t I?”

“She is going to be expecting a different kind of kiss. One like she gets from her regular dates when they bring her home.”

“Well she is going to be disappointed. You don’t seem too concerned. What if I did kiss her that way? Would you be jealous?”

“Not with Sandy, I wouldn’t. You are too moralistic to let it go too far. You are her legal guardian and you’d die before crossing the line.”

“You are right about that. Jana, I’ve been meaning to ask you something and it may hurt. Are you satisfied with the way our lives are? You have done very good with Sandy. She has been my ward, but she looks to you for most everything. For us, well we live together comfortably, I guess, but in a couple of weeks Sandy will be gone and that will leave our nest empty. What about us then?”

“You’re trying to say something. You said in the past you were against divorce or splitting up short of death. Are you changing your mind?”

“Not really, but I see our lives stretching out ahead of us for decades. Is this what we want?”

“I haven’t given it much thought, but now that you have spoken about it, it is something to think about. I know I made out okay the year we were separated. I went out once or twice a week with the girls and enjoyed myself. I haven’t done that since Sandy came. Would it be all right if I did that once in awhile? What would you do if I did?”

“I’d probably go over and hang out with Sam and Ann. Of course as my real estate showings in the evenings pick up, I might not even have time for that.”

“You’re thinking I would be bored here at home alone. Thank you for thinking of me. If you did start going over to Ann’s you might be able to get friendlier with your other girl. I can’t understand why she is so cold to you. Katie still calls you Mr. B instead of Rick or Ricky. Christ, you do everything for her. You’ve been paying for her singing lessons since we could afford them. She’s sixteen next week and not that much younger than you.”

“That’s just the way she is. I kind of like it when she calls me Mr. B, though. She is a fine beautiful young lady.”

“She would be if she would smile once in awhile. I will say she has been a boon for your sister to have around. Philly and her are inseparable and the baby loves her as much as she does her mother.”

Saturday evening I gave Sandy her graduation present. She was queen for the day. I fulfilled her every wish including a steamy kiss at the front door. This was done on more of a dare than for any other reason for Jana was behind it all. I will say that whoever corralled Sandy was going to have a powerful lot of woman on his hands. I quit long before Sandy was willing. Too much conscience on my part, just as Jana surmised.

----------------------

Jana took the afternoon off the next week for Katie’s birthday, who was invited to the house. Sandy was leaving for her training soon and wouldn’t be around for at least three months. It was a particularly hot day and so I cooked out on the patio. Two suit cases had arrived by UPS that very day. One for Katie and one for Sandy. I was smiling for I knew where they had come from. Sandy, oldest and always first, excitedly opened hers. It was packed full of woman’s clothes, of every variety, including some intimates and a swimsuit. We were able to see the bikini, for Sandy immediately went in and came out to model it.

I passed an envelope to her, which contained a check for several hundred dollars. There was a note with it to explain this was a graduation present and it was understood she could use the money in any way she wished. However when she got her certificate, she would need money to buy items for her job as cosmetologist and hairdresser. Signed, Ashley and Pete.

Katie’s suitcase contained much the same, although the style of the clothes were a little more conservative and countrified. The envelope I gave Katie contained round-trip plane fare and tickets to a four-day Bluegrass Festival in Kentucky. The note said that when the plane landed at the St. Paul airport, which was the only transfer, she would be joined by my sister Mary and two of my nieces. They all would be traveling to the same destination together and would meet at the festival with Ashley and Pete.

“You set this up didn’t you, Mr. B?”

“Well, I have been talking to Ashley and told her about what your teacher has said about your music. She was going to do something for Sandy’s graduation. I didn’t know she would do for your birthday too.”

Jana asked Katie to model her bikini, but she declined. As the afternoon progressed, Jana said she was taking Sandy and Katie out to meet her ‘girls night out friends,’ and again Katie declined. “Okay, Rick can take you back to Ann’s whenever he decides to or I can do it now.”

“I’ll let Mr. B do it. I want to ask him more about Ashley, if I’m going to spend a few days with her.”

Conclusion

Jana and Sandy had no sooner left when Katie excused herself. Ten minutes later, she appeared in the doorway to the patio in the bikini that had been sent to her. I stood, but she held her hand up. “No, I don’t want you to touch me. Not yet anyway, and not like this. I did want you to see me.” Blushing and smiling she pirouetted before me. There was no comparison between this girl, my wife or her older sister. Katie had nearly a perfect form. She was a goddess.

I sat back down and she came closer. “My feelings haven’t changed for you. They are so strong I just know that we will be together some day. It would be too cruel if it didn’t happen. Until then I don’t want us to do anything we can feel guilty about. If we did then that would make me feel cheap and even more guilty than I do now for loving you. When we come together I want it to be clean and beautiful.”

I was amazed. This lovely creature of sixteen was totally in control of me. I would never go against her wishes. “What if it goes on for years? You are going to be more and more beautiful and more desirable each passing day.”

“I’ve thought about that. You are twenty-six. When you are thirty we can sit down and assess where we stand. We have done very well these last two years. I’ve grown up and still feel the same. I can tell you feel the same about me. You can’t imagine how thrilled I am when you look at me. It is a kindness that we see each other so little and always in the company of the family. If I saw you everyday, I’m afraid my good resolutions would be compromised.”

“That is four years away.”

“Yes, and I’ll be twenty and seeing life through adult eyes. You made a commitment with Jana before you were twenty and it was a mistake. I don’t want to make a mistake.”

God, when did this child become so intelligent? She must have read my mind. “I think about our relationship all the time. I watch people, you know teachers at school and occasionally I get to ask a question where our love won’t be discovered. I suppose if people even knew our thoughts when I was fourteen, they’d put you in jail and me in a juvenile center. Even now when I’m sixteen, they would censure you severely. When I’m eighteen the law would be on our side, but still the public would say you were taking advantage of me at a tender age. When I’m twenty we will make some decisions.” Katie looked hopefully at me that I would consider the plans she had laid out for herself and me without even asking.

I did consider. “So it is Mr. B until you are twenty. What will it be after that?”

“It could be Ricky or it could be something I call you in my mind and never have spoken out loud. I may never tell you what it is.”

“I think you better go in and put more clothes on than your swimwear. Let’s call Ashley and you can tell her you received your present. I’ll get on one phone and you get on the other.”

“Hi Ashley. Your packages came through just fine and both girls are thrilled with them. Sandy has gone out with Jana.”

“Where is Katie?”

“She is here with me. I’m taking her home in a little bit.”

Ashley had a warning for me. “You be careful with her. You sent me her picture and she is so lovely. Don’t forget you are married to Jana.”

“You mean like Pete was when you first met him?”

“Yes, but that was an unusual situation. It wouldn’t happen to anyone other than me and Pete.” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to admit it, but I didn’t want to lie to my niece. What would Katie be thinking while listening to us on the other phone?

Katie took it out of my hands. “Ashley, I’m on the other phone. I’ve been listening. I’m so glad and thankful I’m going to be seeing you soon. Will we have some time to have a quiet talk? I have a million questions to ask you.”

“Are you both saying what I think you are saying?” We both said yes at the same time. “How long has this been in play?”

I answered this time. “We recognized it two years ago at her mother’s funeral.”

“Jesus Christ Katie, you were only fourteen. You couldn’t know at that age unless Uncle Rick came on to you.”

I knew this hurt Katie. “Ashley, how old were you when you fell for Pete? If I remember correctly, it was you that fell and then made him fall for you. Don’t be a hypocrite. Remember also, there are nineteen years difference in your ages. Katie has a head on her shoulders and she is the one in control. She is sensible about this. She is playing to the fact that I’m committed to Jana and she, herself, is still too young to start a relationship.”

“Where does Jana fit into this?”

“Jana is my wife and I’m committed to being her faithful husband as of now. Fate intervened for you and Pete. It will be four more years before anything is possible for Katie and me. Fate may intervene for us as well.”

“Boy, that is faith. What are you two doing to keep the fire alive?”

“Katie modeled the bikini for me you sent this afternoon.”

“I bet you enjoyed that. How are you keeping your attraction a secret?”

“I call him Mr. B and we don’t see each other that often, and when we do, it is always in the presence of other people. Today is the first time we have been alone since I came here from Wyoming.”

“That must be difficult for you both. Being alone together.”

“It is.” This too, was said in unison. After a chuckle Katie and Ashley went over the travel plans for next week. Katie thanked her again for the gifts and we hung up.

Katie turned to me. “There is just one thing more that I want for my birthday. Will you kiss me just as you did Sandy when you took her out last week? She is my sister and she called me Sunday and told me all about her date.”

“Jealous?”

“No. I know you said I was in control, but that is just for you and I. What you do with others is beyond my control. I’m confident that I am in your heart, so I have no need to worry.”

“You are a wonder, did you know that?” There was hunger in our kisses. After a few minutes of kissing, I was aware that the balance of control had swung to my side and if we were going to stop, it would have to be me.

Katie confirmed it when she said, “God, I never knew a person could feel like this. I almost wish we hadn’t kissed. But then I am going to have some wonderful dreams tonight. Take me home now please. I thought I was strong, but if you had continued I would have let you do anything you wanted to me.”

I pretended to be asleep when Jana and Sandy came home. They were loud and boisterous. Jana must have let Sandy have some alcohol. I remembered then that I wasn’t Sandy’s personal guardian anymore. The only connection between us was that I was trustee of her funds until she reached twenty-one.

***************

Jana and I were drifting apart. Since she had her hysterectomy, our joining became less and less. It wasn’t just me, Jana never initiated sex either. I felt guilty and we had a conversation about it. We came to the agreement that we should make the effort once a week. That lasted about three months and then we skipped a week. Soon it was only once a month.

Sandy moved out and shared an apartment with a co-worker. There were other changes too. I formed a company with two of the real estate agents I worked with. We worked through a broker that we all knew. I offered the secretary’s job to Jana. “No, sometimes I think we see too much of each other now. I couldn’t stand to see you every day all day. Thanks for thinking of me though.”

This precipitated an angry retort from me. When we cooled down, Jana said, “I want a divorce. I know you said you were against such a thing, but neither one of us is really happy. I’ve got to point out I enjoy going out in the evening and I sometimes forget to inform you where I am. That makes me feel guilty. I’ve got over thinking it was my figure that turned you off. I thought for awhile that you might take up with Sandy. She has a figure most men would die to get next to. She would have been willing if you had made a move on her. What’s with you anyway?”

“I don’t know. I was happy with you when we first married. Sex for some reason or other has always been a problem between us. It should be important in a marriage, but it isn’t in ours. I think we made a mistake, or I have the seven-year itch.”

“Is there another woman? Have you been unfaithful?”

“Oh come on Jana, you know me better than that. I’ll ask you the same thing.”

“No, absolutely not. Why would I want another man when I have you? I love you, but sex is something I have come to dread and something I certainly can do without. So do we divorce?”

“I wouldn’t fight it.”

A look of sadness crossed her face. “We can still be friends can’t we?”

“I would hope so. I still remember the bus ride when we met. I don’t regret much that came after either. I guess we have just grown away from each other.”

“You’re still the nicest person I know.” Decisions were made. Neither one of us wanted to hurt the other. Things were mostly settled before we informed the members of my family. Katie, now seventeen, was sitting at the table when I announced to Ann and Sam that Jana and I were calling it quits and Jana was seeking a divorce. I avoided looking at her. I happened to be looking at Philly as I was speaking. Philly’s eyes went to Katie. Katie was sitting looking down at the table, not at me or anyone else. I did see her shoulders shift a little.

Philly pushed it. “Does this mean that you will be looking for a new wife or have you someone in mind?”

“I’m not answering that directly. However I don’t expect to be alone forever.”

“I should hope not. I wish I wasn’t related to you. You’re the best man I ever knew. Katie thinks so too, don’t you Katie?”

Katie flushed and I felt sorry for her, being put on the spot like she was. “I should hope Katie thinks I’m a good man. I’m her guardian and it wouldn’t work if she didn’t think I was. You do think that, right Katie?”

“That’s correct Mr. B. You have been wonderful to me.”

The conversation went on to why Jana and I decided to divorce and some of the details. I announced that I had leased one of the condos I had listed for sale. I asked Katie if she still was satisfied staying with Ann and Sam or if she wanted to make her home with me. “No, I’d like to stay here until I finish school anyway. After that we can talk and decide what I’m going to do.”

Ann said, “Good, Katie is like a daughter to me and she is a whole lot less trouble than one of my own.” This brought a smile to Philly’s face for she knew that her mother loved her dearly, but had to be chastised just a little for putting Katie on the spot.

Later after we left the dinner table, Philly cornered me alone. “I’m sorry Uncle Rick. I was out of line.”

“Why did you say that then?”

I could tell Philly didn’t want to answer. Tears came to her eyes. “Uncle Rick, I’m so ashamed. Katie left a letter out that was from Ashley and I read it. Since then I found where she keeps her private letters and I read them. I’m sorry.”

“Okay, no real harm done unless you have talked to someone about it. Maybe you and Katie could drop into my office or at my condo someday after school. You had better know it all instead of just what you have deduced from some very private letters.”

“This is why I think you are the best. I hope Katie doesn’t kill me when she finds out.”

“You might have a problem at that. You’d better tell her what you have done and I’ll see you both in a couple of days.”

***************

I didn’t though, for I was three days in a coma and five weeks in the hospital. On the way home to my condo I was waiting for the green at a stoplight and when it turned, I was almost through the intersection when a car came through on the red. He missed me, but the police car that was chasing him didn’t. The cop hit me broadside in the passenger door and rolled my car over two times before it came to rest against a power pole. I was wearing a seat belt, which was good I was told, but I was still in bad shape. It took over an hour to extricate me from the wreck.

Jana was there when I awoke from the coma and was at my bedside most of the time. Sandy would breeze in and kiss me. Katie and Philly spent time with me. Philly spent most of her time watching me and Katie to see if there was anything to see because she knew what was in our hearts. One afternoon I awoke and could hear Jana whispering very quietly to someone. It took me a minute to realize it was her boss from the convenience store.

I listened intently to the conversation. “I have to take care of him. He is my husband. You would have done the same for your husband if he had been in the same situation. We can see each other away from the store on girls night out.” I opened one eye slightly and could see Jana and her boss holding hands. I guess I slept again and when I awoke this time Jana was alone.

The divorce was immediately stopped and Jana took over the care of me as a wife was expected to do. My family thought this was wonderful that Jana was there for me. It took time for my fractured shoulder to mend and I had one knee that would never be the same.

Jana had insisted that I return home with her and acted just as if we had never discussed being divorced. She did take wonderful care of me, but I can’t say I didn’t resent the situation. Where I had happiness within my grasp, now I didn’t know what to do.

Katie’s graduation came and I insisted that I take her out for an evening just as I had Sandy. I was unable to dance, but I could hold hands when we felt no one was looking. Jana, my faithful wife, was home waiting for me and here I was out with one I loved above all others.

“What are we going to do, Ricky? I thought our life was all set and now look at us. We are worse off than we were.” There were tears in her eyes. “Jana will never let you go. She feels so self-righteous for caring for you and I suppose she has a right to, but I hate it.”

“Don’t hate her. She has been taking care of me. My feeling for her and for you haven’t changed, but what we planned has been extended. Remember I thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to make you my own until you were twenty. That’s still two years away.”

“I know, but I have loved you for so long. I can’t wait two more years. Ashley keeps telling me things will work out. Philly is the most help. I swear she loves you almost as I do. If you weren’t related, I’d be so jealous.”

“We have to go on. Let’s forget ourselves for a bit. What would you like to do if I wasn’t in the picture? After all you are my ward and I have to look out for you.”

“I guess to go and live with Ashley and Pete in New York. They are becoming known, much as the Kendals, Royce and Jeannie, did years ago. The only thing is they are husband and wife instead of father and daughter. No hats either, like Jeannie. Pete thinks I might be backup harmony to Ashley and him. Three harmonizing instead of two. He would be willing to see if it would work on some songs anyway.”

“Do you really want that?”

“I need to get away from you if I can’t have you. I might as well start a career. I’ll tell you one thing, if someday you are free, that will be all that matters.”

“You don’t know how bad I feel about this.”

“I know, but I still have faith. Ricky, have you someplace you can take me tonight where I can let myself go? Maybe not all the way, but just to show you how much I love you.”

We stopped short of penetration, but not by much. When I came in late, Jana was still awake. “You’re late. What did you do, make love to her?”

“Some, but not like you are thinking. We talked a long time about what she is going to do now that she is out of school. Ashley has been corresponding with her. Katie asked me if it was all right for her to go and live with them. I haven’t seen much of her and in some ways I have been neglecting her, for various reasons. Anyway I’ve agreed and she will be headed east very shortly.”

“This makes you free of what Velma charged you with. I never understood Katie, but I get along fine with Sandy. We still get together. Have you noticed how much better my hairdo is lately? I have Sandy do it for me.”

Jana and I stayed together for another six months. It was Christmas time when we talked about our relationship again. Actually we were living together, but not really as husband and wife. I brought it up this time. “Jana do you realize that if I hadn’t had the accident we would have been divorced more than six months by this time?”

“I know. I was thinking the same thing just the other day. Do you still want to get a divorce?”

“I believe I do. I still love you, but more as a sister and friend than I do as a wife. You have taken wonderful care of me and I appreciate it. Would it hurt you if I asked for one?”

“No, of course not. I want to move on too. Are we going to settle our affairs the same as before?”

“Pretty much. There is one other item that I haven’t mentioned. It was in the paper, but you may have missed it. I have instituted a lawsuit against the city for the accident. It is for several million dollars. The policeman that hit me had enough alcohol in his system, even after two hours before he was tested, to be legally intoxicated. My lawyer has taken the case on a contingency basis. He is suing for all of my expenses and for my knee that is damaged beyond repair. He is also requesting punitive damages and thinks there will be an offer of a settlement out of court very shortly, because our case is so strong.”

“You’d be willing to give me some of that, even though we were in the process of divorcing?”

“Yes. You are my wife and you took care of me. You still are. I’m not a greedy person and I know you aren’t either. When we list our assets our lawyers will suggest a percentage to each that will be a fair settlement even if it comes after our divorce is final.”

Jana looked at me with tears in her eyes. “Rick, would you take me to bed and make love to me just as we did when we were first married? We can call it good-bye sex if you want, but I’d like to hold you close just as I did when we were starting out. I loved you then and I love you now even if it is a different kind of love.”

We tried, but we knew we couldn’t go back. There was something about Jana I couldn’t reach. “Rick, you keep the house this time. I’m moving in with a very good friend of mine. She has asked me to. I know she is attracted to me. I don’t know as I feel about her that way, although I like her a lot. But I have to find out. Somewhere out there is a place for me to be happy. I’ll always have you as a friend to fall back on. You can be my security blanket. I promise I won’t interfere in your life in anyway.”

When I came home the next night, Jana’s personal items had been removed. There was a note telling me of her new address and a phone number where she could be reached. Alone again, I didn’t like it and there was someone I didn’t want to be without. I sent off an overnight postal envelope containing a CD of Jim Reeves’ rendition of Lonesome Waltz. I followed two days later in person. Philly traveled with me and we spent Christmas with Ashley and Pete. She said she was going to be a chaperon. Actually she wanted to see the sights in New York at Christmas time.

Ashley and Pete took Philly everywhere. I found my Christmas present in Katie. Philly chaperoned Ashley and Pete which was her Christmas present to both me and Katie as we had our own sights to appreciate. Pete and Ashley sang Lonesome Waltz to me as Katie and I cuddled on the couch. Pete then put the song on and we took turns dancing with each other.

“What’s next? How come you came to see Katie now? I know you are making love to her when Philly is demanding to see this and that for sights.”

“Jana and I are actually being divorced. She has moved to a friend’s house. I have loved Katie for almost as long as I have known her. I’ve always felt too old for her. I don’t feel that way now. I’d like to have her come home with me. Jana won’t make any objections. She may suspect that our relationship has changed from ward and guardian to something different, but she won’t ask. I think she will be relieved. When we almost divorced a year ago, she indicated she would have been okay if Sandy and I hooked up. My thought is why have one pearl when you can have a whole necklace.”

I squeezed Katie and kissed her openly in front of my family members. Three days later we had to return to Idaho as Philly had to go back to school. Ann and Sam weren’t aware that Katie was coming back and her room had been made over to accommodate two of their boys. No problem I said, my ward will be staying with me. Philly giggled. Ann looked sharply at her and saw a smirk on her face. Ann looked intently at Katie and then at me. “Okay, but you two keep it low-key until after the nuptials. The family doesn’t need a scandal. Other than that, congratulations.”

God I loved my sister! She was so understanding. She had long known that Jana and I weren’t happy and now she knew I would be with the woman that had helped her with the children for several years. Katie got up and kissed Ann. “Thank you. The only one I’m worried about now is Jana. She’s going to blow up when she finds out.”

Ann was silent for a minute. “Maybe not, she may be divorcing Rick, but that is only because she wants him to be happy. I wouldn’t worry about it. Don’t throw it up in her face though.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

Sandy and Katie talked in the ensuing weeks and months and Sandy didn’t catch on that Katie and I were other than ward and guardian. That is until a month before the divorce was final from Jana. Sandy, who had a key even though she didn’t live with me, stopped in very early one Saturday morning to see Katie. When Sandy went into Katie’s room and didn’t find her, she came down the hall to my room. She saw her all right. Katie and I were sound asleep spooned together.

The door banged open and there we were. Katie and I awoke with a start. I said to Katie, “Hey, I think we have company. Give me my morning kiss and we’ll see who came into our room without knocking.”

We paid no attention to the intruder until we finished kissing. I then turned over so I could see Sandy, who stood looking at us in disbelief. “Hi Sandy, you forgot to knock. Didn’t I teach you better than that when you lived here?”

Katie giggled and sat up straight, the blankets slipping from around her. “You’re naked,” exploded Sandy.

“Why yes, so I am. Would you put the coffee on please while we get dressed? Ricky and I have some things to tell you.”

“Ricky? What happened to Mr. B?”

“He has always been Ricky in my heart. Mr. B was just for the public to hear. Now go. I won’t allow my man to be seen naked.” Sandy whirled and we could hear her stomping into the kitchen.

“Does Jana know about this? What about all of your moralistic values? How about Ann and Sam? Christ Rick, she is too young for you. What are you thinking?”

“Whoa, slow down Sandy. We’ll explain. Would you care for a bagel? I picked them up from the shop last night.”

Sandy plopped down in a chair as Katie and I busied ourselves around the kitchen getting something to eat. She watched us, marveling at how at ease we were with each other. “You two act as if you have been married for ages. How long has this been going on?”

“I gave myself to Ricky just before Christmas when he came to me while I was in New York. He brought me home and we have been a couple since then. We are getting married just as soon as his divorce to Jana is final. That part doesn’t matter. We are married in our hearts and have been for almost six years.”

“What do you mean? That was before Mama died.”

“Mama knew and trusted Ricky to care and cherish both you and I. She also knew that I loved Ricky and understood that someday he and I would be together. For all these years he said he was too old for me. It has been a long difficult road for both of us. Never once did we ever do anything that would hurt anyone, especially Jana. Ricky loved her and still does, but it never was like the love we have for each other. We both believe she will understand when she finds out.”

“Are you telling me that you and Rick have been in love since you were fourteen and he was twenty-four? That’s gross.”

“It would have been if we had acted on it. That was why I went and stayed with Ann for years. When he was injured and our plans were put on hold while Jana nursed him, I needed to go away. I was getting older and very disappointed, for we had plans. He still kept telling me he was too old for me, but when Jana moved out we decided I wasn’t too young anymore and he wasn’t too old. So here we are.”

Sandy was shaking her head. “Didn’t anyone suspect?”

“Philly, the little snoop, found out a couple of years ago, but has kept our secret. Ashley and Pete knew and she has been my guide on how to love an older man. Ashley didn’t have a guide and had to wing it. The only difference between her and me is I came to Ricky a virgin, where as Ashley did some exploring and it is something she regrets. Right now Ann and Sam both know and they are planning a blowout for our wedding. She wants to have a family reunion at that time with everyone invited. There are going to be hundreds here. I’m so excited.”

Katie had crawled into my lap and I sat with my arm around her with a grin on my face. “So what do you think of your little sister?” Sandy didn’t answer.

“Rick I think you’d better tell Jana as soon as possible.”

“Will you be here? You have been very close to her.”

“If you wish. Can I call her to come over now?”

“Yes, go ahead.”

We could hear Sandy trying to convince Jana to come over to Rick’s. There was some arguing, but as usual Sandy wouldn’t be denied. As we waited, I asked Sandy, “What are you thinking? Are you going to try to turn Jana against us?”

“I haven’t decided. I’m going to wait and see how she feels about it. She has been a sister to me while Katie paid no attention to me by living somewhere else.”

“You knew Jana and I had problems, didn’t you?”

“Yes and it didn’t surprise me when you started the divorce proceedings.”

Jana came in, exasperated that she had been called here. “What’s so important? I have things I wanted to do today.”

Nothing subtle about Sandy breaking the news. “I caught Rick in bed with Katie when I came over earlier. I thought you should know.”

Jana didn’t say anything for a minute. “Why should I have to know? He is about to be single and she is of age. I doubt he did anything wrong while he was married to me. He tried every way he could to make our marriage work. It didn’t. It took us too many years to find out that we weren’t meant to be husband and wife. Katie, you had better treat Rick right, for I still have a lot of love for him. Not your kind, but still a lot of love.”

Jana plunked down in a chair. “Sandy is there any coffee left? I find I don’t have to be somewhere today after all. Now tell me how you two fell in love.”

Katie led Jana through the roller coaster ride of emotions she had since she fell in love with me before her mother died. Then she related how she felt at every turn of her life until I sent her the CD of Jim Reeves’ Lonesome Waltz. She knew then that her wait for me was almost over. Sandy didn’t say anything, just watched her sister and suddenly realized she didn’t know her at all. Jana asked Katie about her singing and found it was something she enjoyed, but didn’t want to make a career out of it. Right now she was being a secretary in my real estate agency. She declared she was in heaven because I was where she could see me anytime she wanted to.

I had a question for Jana. “How is your life going? You did move out suddenly and I haven’t seen much of you.”

“Better than I thought. I’m happy in everything the way my life is right now. I’ll tell you about it sometime.”

“You will come to the wedding won’t you? I’ll have Ann send you an invitation.”

“I’ll tell you when we talk. Look, I guess I should be going. Katie take care of Rick. He really is a special person. Rick, I’ll see you around. I’m really happy for you.”

She stood and made for the door. Sandy followed after quickly kissing us both. We could see them talking before they got into their own cars. “Jana wants to talk to you. She will probably have a lot to say about us. I wonder what about?”

“I think she wants to know if it is okay to bring a friend with her to the wedding. I suspect that her friend will turn out to be a woman.”

“You mean, the woman may turn out to be one of ‘those’?”

“Maybe, but not necessarily so. Not our business as long as she is happy. Hey I feel like dancing. Would you go in and put on our favorite song? We are alone and everything is right with us.”

Our wedding was set to take place in two months. In that time, the lawsuit against the city had been settled. My lawyer wasn’t exactly happy for I agreed to settle for less than what it would have been if it had gone to court. He still received almost a half million dollars as his fee.

Jana asked for just enough money from the settlement to buy forty-nine percent of the convenience store that employed her, but received way more than that. The majority owner was the person that she moved in with. I never asked if they were more than business associates.

God, life is good! Katie whispered as we danced the first dance at our wedding. “Ricky, I have some news for you. I’m pregnant.”

***************
The End